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difficult child 17. How will he handle adulthood?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 105191" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Hello Purple Cow, and welcome.</p><p>You have already received some great advice from others. I just want to elaborate on a point that Star made and offer my perspective. Star said:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>A lot of our difficult children have to learn things the hard way (very hard), and sometimes the best, most loving thing we can do for our children is to just back off and let them live their own lives, and live with the decisions that they make. I'm not suggesting that you abandon your son, only that you give him the space to grow up and take responsibility for himself.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I placed our difficult child (Aspergers, ADHD, Serious impulse control issues, functions socially at about the level of a 6 year old...sometimes a 9 year old depending on the day) in a long-term Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Nov 2007, which focuses on socialization, life skills, emotional growth, learning to control impulses, etc.</p><p></p><p>A dear friend of ours has a brother who is very much like our difficult child. He also has Asperger's, and a similar range of skills and deficits. At 55, he still lives at home with his parents (now in their 80s). They are ailing, and no longer in a position to care for him, so our friend is now faced with some very big, life-altering decisions.</p><p></p><p>This was a huge wake-up call for us. We needed to give our boy the gift of independence. If we didn't give him the opportunity to learn how to take care of himself now, while he's still young and we're still healthy, what will happen to him down the road?</p><p></p><p>I agree with MWM that having your son go away to school might be a huge mistake. Too much freedom and not enough structure. However, setting firm clear boundaries and letting him live with the consequences--good or bad--of his actions, will give him the best shot at improving his behaviour.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, since difficult child moved away to his Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I feel like I have my life back. AND I feel like I have my son back.</p><p></p><p>All the best,</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 105191, member: 3907"] Hello Purple Cow, and welcome. You have already received some great advice from others. I just want to elaborate on a point that Star made and offer my perspective. Star said: A lot of our difficult children have to learn things the hard way (very hard), and sometimes the best, most loving thing we can do for our children is to just back off and let them live their own lives, and live with the decisions that they make. I'm not suggesting that you abandon your son, only that you give him the space to grow up and take responsibility for himself. My husband and I placed our difficult child (Aspergers, ADHD, Serious impulse control issues, functions socially at about the level of a 6 year old...sometimes a 9 year old depending on the day) in a long-term Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Nov 2007, which focuses on socialization, life skills, emotional growth, learning to control impulses, etc. A dear friend of ours has a brother who is very much like our difficult child. He also has Asperger's, and a similar range of skills and deficits. At 55, he still lives at home with his parents (now in their 80s). They are ailing, and no longer in a position to care for him, so our friend is now faced with some very big, life-altering decisions. This was a huge wake-up call for us. We needed to give our boy the gift of independence. If we didn't give him the opportunity to learn how to take care of himself now, while he's still young and we're still healthy, what will happen to him down the road? I agree with MWM that having your son go away to school might be a huge mistake. Too much freedom and not enough structure. However, setting firm clear boundaries and letting him live with the consequences--good or bad--of his actions, will give him the best shot at improving his behaviour. Honestly, since difficult child moved away to his Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I feel like I have my life back. AND I feel like I have my son back. All the best, Trinity [/QUOTE]
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