difficult child 2 continues to struggle with his social skills

[Californiablonde]

It's funny you should mention engineer. One of his former elementary school teachers used to call him her future engineer. He is so smart at everything. Problem right now is he is failing a few classes because he simply can't focus long enough to complete the classwork. He is usually caught staring out the window and biting his nails. He is an absolute math wiz so even though he doesn't pay attention he still gets A's in that class because he figures it out for himself. It's a good thing, too, because I cannot understand most of the math he brings home. I am so used to my job having to communicate so openly every day. I talk to people all day long. I communicate with my students, other teachers, staff members, and parents and I love it. I was a shy child but working really made me come out of my shell, and now I can't imagine having a job just sitting at a computer all day talking to no one. I have to remember that difficult child is not me. His personality is different and he is not the social butterfly that his sister and I are. There's nothing wrong with it, I suppose. As long as he holds down a job and functions okay in day to day life then that's all that's important.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Problem right now is he is failing a few classes because he simply can't focus long enough to complete the classwork. He is usually caught staring out the window and biting his nails

I've probably already asked this but... has he ever been tested for the full spectrum of auditory processing disorders?
That 'inattention' can be... not being able to listen (not a hearing problem, but a noise processing problem)... and the nail-biting is an anxiety-driven coping mechanism, anxiety being not uncommon in kids with hearing and/or listening problems...

 

[Californiablonde]

No he hasn't been tested for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) as far as I know, unless the SD did it along with his other IEP testing. I will need to ask.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Before you ask, research "auditory figure ground"... see if that fits and/or any of the other APDs that come up... and then you can ask specifically about Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) xxx rather than just "APDs"... because in lots of places, Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) = the original, classical Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) which manifested itself in difficulties processing verbal language. But language development can be totally normal, and the person can have other forms of Auditory Processing Disorders (APD).

 

[Californiablonde]

I just read up on the signs and they don't really seem to fit well with him, but I guess it's still possible. Also, his lack of focus started around third grade. He did not seem to display any adhd like symptoms before then. If it was Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), would the signs have shown up earlier than now?

 

[InsaneCdn]

If it was ADHD, it definitely would have shown up before 3rd grade... ADHD doesn't "show up"... it's just THERE, a part of your inner, core make-up. (I'm ADHD... as are... the rest of my household, plus most of my ancestors and relaives... )

Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)? well... that would depend on whether he got really lucky with teachers and environments AND how severe...
So... simple question: does he do better one-on-one in a quiet environment, than in a classroom? If so... auditory figure ground is a possibility.

Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) often looks like ADHD.
However, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Aspie at the high-functioning level, also seems to often get mis-labelled as ADHD. But those show up before grade 3, too.

Hmmm... it's a bit of a puzzle. What was going on in his life at that point? like... a concussion? I don't know, just grasping at straws!

 

[Californiablonde]

I don't know why he didn't show any signs earlier. Maybe because the work was too easy? Now that more is expected of him he isn't functioning well. His work load seemed to increase dramatically from second to third grade. I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not. It's just a guess. As far the the AS he displayed symptoms of that really early in life, I'd say around two years old he appeared to be "different" in little ways that were hard to explain back then, but have become very apparent now. Now that he's older all his little quirks seem to stand out more. When he was three and four some of his behaviors might have been labeled "normal" for some kids his age, but now it's very obvious that he is displaying odd types of behavior that are incredibly inappropriate for his age. The Aperger's diagnosis came late but didn't really surprise me. Several teachers have hinted at it in the past, and my mommy gut kept telling me that something wasn't right.

 

[HMBgal]

Californiablonde: I see you're from California, although you say Sunny California, so I'm not sure you're in the Bay Area--foggy here much of the time. I'm in the Bay Area (and blonde--mixed with gray, it must be said).

Have you heard of Michelle Garcia Winner? She does great things with kids like your son. She's a speech therapist, and in my job, I've had chances to go to her trainings and lectures. I know we aren't supposed to refer to specific places are people (are we?) but she also has a book out "Thinking About You Thinking About Me" and has a website that might be worth perusing to see if it resonates with you. I learned some good communication techniques that were easy to implement and have been helpful in my work.

And my neurotypical daughter would always be sick the days in which she had to do any public speaking all throughout her school career. Now she's working with the public and doing an amazing job of it.