difficult child Aggression/ Breaking Things

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MICHL, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. MICHL

    MICHL New Member

    difficult child (now age 14 1/2) has recently slammed into the wall in a rage making a big hole and kicked a tall fan breaking it. I am adding up everything so he can pay for it, but since he doesn't have or earn money, it will have to come out of Xmas or B-Day gift money if he receives any. He recently "earned" $7 from neighbor for gardening, but refuses to give it up. He is on the maximum dosage of abilify & tenex. The wall incident was from his not being allowed to play computer game prior to homework. He is grounded from computer for 2 weeks. He is bigger than I am now, and also heavy, & lately doing more damage recently. He calls husband & myself names and is extremely disrespectful and angry about almost everything. It's very hard to live like this, when there is no peace, so often I go out to calm down & clear my mind, go on a walk, to the store, etc. He's also gets dirty and his hygiene is non-existent. When he finally gets in the shower he'll just stand there and needs to be prompted to do anything. I'm just frustrated & lost beyond belief with him, & needed to vent. Thanks for "listening"
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I understand. I am living with BIG holes in walls and damaged doors off frames. I want to offer support but feel I should let you know- don't expect making him pay it back to stop it. I hope you get that lucky but from my experience, difficult child's have other issues contributing to this. They just don't have the self coontrol or something. But, I do wish you luck!
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Okay. First off, is he getting help for his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified? That's a serious disability and causes the person to have a very low threshhold for frustration plus they require different type parenting. Is he a stepchild? Do you understand what Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified is and the different ways these people are wired all their lives? I'm not excusing what he did, but life is hard for these people. If so, is he getting interventions?
    I have a sixteen year old with this diagnosis.
    Welcome to the board.:tongue:
  4. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    My son learned to patch drywall when he was 13. He also has a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified or Aspergers depending on the day of the week. He is also extremely easily frustrated. If you don't know how to patch drywall it's time to learn so you can teach difficult child.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Are you working with doctors who have an understanding of kids on the autism specturm? Some of these kids are very difficult to medicate, from what I understand, and often have paradoxical medication reactions. Sometimes, for example, Abilify and Tenex can rev these kids up instead of calming them down.

    I personally would not continue to live the way you are living. If you are not getting satisfaction with your current team, I'd strongly recommend a second opinion.

    One final thought: If your son is so violent in your home, have you considered an inpatient stay or day treatment program? That might help set him on the road toward stability.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hey Michelle,
    I know you have struggled with your son for years. He is definitely starting the worst time of his life - puberty. :sad-very:
    What measure have you implemented to be proactive for his future care? If you can let us know that, maybe we can be more helpful to you.
    Please know we have all been there done that - and you are not alone.
  7. MICHL

    MICHL New Member

    Yes he is getting all the structure & behavior modifications for his disabilities, at home and school, and nothing works with him. husband has more patience than I. I take a ssri for depression, but I will get a medication tweak myself. Abilify and Tenex are what we arrived at after many other medication trials and he's been on these two for years, and is at maximum dose. He's been good until now about damaging the wall because last time he had to pay for it, that was about a year ago. He is a raging teen now. It's hard. Steely, about future care? I don't know what I'm supposed to say. SSI, group home, stay at home with husband & I? I have no idea.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ahhh the holes in the walls. Nice way to live isnt it? My house is riddled with them and they are from both me and my son. Im completely ashamed to tell anyone that I did that.

    One thing that has helped me stop the punching the walls is learning to identify my emotions. Really! Before starting therapy I only knew 2 emotions...anger and this weird blahness. Now I know a whole bunch of emotions! I know that when I used to hit my walls I was mostly scared or frustrated. So now I can use my words and I go do something to relieve those feelings. I may argue...I may yell...I may even throw pillows...but I have stopped hitting the walls.
  9. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Every house/apartment we ever lived in had a door with a broken frame from repeating slamming... always Oldest's bedroom door. And actually in my current apartment, Youngest broke the door to her room a couple years ago ... it's a hollow cheap door and just came apart when she slammed it.

    No help, I know, just... shared frustration! At least now I live alone, and the cat can't slam doors :p
  10. MICHL

    MICHL New Member

    Two of our bedroom doors are broken also. I wish I just lived with a cat. I love cats but won't get one now has difficult child would probably stress it out too much with his whining & yelling.