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difficult child and obsession
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 351886" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The ONLY thing that ever worked took many HARD trials before it worked, before he believed I would do it. It was NOT fun, and required me bullying husband into not giving in to him if I was not at home.</p><p></p><p>I simply informed the kids that if tv, computer, gameboy, etc... were important enough to throw fits over then they were too important. Family, friends, school, chores, etc.... were ALL more important than those things. If whining, fussing, raging, tantruming, whatever it is called does not stop then the item will have to go away for long enough for me to feel they were in their proper place of importance. I took away all tv, certain programs, pokemon, gameboy, video games, in just about every way you could figure them. </p><p></p><p>It was NOT for a day or two. They were an addiction, or close to it, and had to be removed long enough that the behavior would not start up right away when the item came back. The first week was constant, or near constant begging and bargaining for the item. BAD behavior of the "I will do X until she gives in" variety. by the end of about 7-10 days things leveled out some. I gave in at that point only once. The problems were ALL back in 24 hours and it was like starting from scratch except that he thought if he settled down then they would come back in X days. 1 day after day X and he was ATROCIOUS. It actually took a full week after that point to get to where we were when I had first given it back.</p><p></p><p>After that it was never less than 4 weeks before I gave it back. Often longer, usually around 6 weeks. I ONCE gave in because Gma and Gpa came to visit. The next time he called them BEGGING them to come back so he could get his whatever back. He kept calling them over and over one night to plead with them. I got a lovely lecture from my dad about "being mean" and asked him what he would have done if I had EVER called a grandparent to get a toy back that HE had taken away. My mother tried to tell me to stop letting him have the phone. Nope. THEY, the great Grandparent Santa Claus pair, got to tell him no and keep dealing with his obsessions. </p><p></p><p>THEY insisted repeatedly before this that he should be allowed to call them any and almost every time he wanted. Period. They did foot any long distance bill, but that was NOT the point or the problem they created. THEY got to deal with him calling as soon as they hung up. It was the first time they really ever felt the obsession that we dealt with, and that previously they scoffed at. Until that night it was yet another thing I was "hysterical" or "over-reacting" about. He was 6 at the time.</p><p></p><p>My mother tried unplugging the phones. She had a neighbor that I called. I told her she either answered the phone or got used to not speaking to him - it was NOT fair to tell him over and over to call her anytime, to encourage him to "tattle" on us when he got upset. She made the rules and had to play by them for 24 hours. She answered her phone again, said I was right and it really was NOT fair to him, to me, or to the rest of the family for her to do that.</p><p></p><p>The Gparents still fussed with us over taking things away from him, but not when I asked if they wanted to go through that again. </p><p></p><p>I dealt with the begging, demanding, bargaining, etc.... by either giving him a chore, or by walking away or ignoring him. If he hurt anyone, including himself, I restrained him until he could make safe choices. The ONE thing he never did was go after one of the cats. Thankfully.</p><p></p><p>There were times I locked myself in the bathroom to get 2 minutes of peace from him. </p><p></p><p>It DID work. Usually by the time I re-introduced the item in limited amounts he realized that he had to keep himself in line to keep it. That included minimal fussing when the item was put up until the next reasonable time to enjoy it. I did let him know his time limits (one tv show that was X minutes long, X minutes, whatever) and when his next opportunity would be. That seemed to work very well to reintroduce it.</p><p></p><p>It isn't easy. It isn't, at first, fun. But then, when it is gone, you do find other things to enjoy and often we found we really enjoyed each other after the first horrible stage of withdrawal was over.</p><p></p><p>It very much behaves like an addiction for my son. THIS is a large part of why I think he has an addiction to electronic entertainement.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 351886, member: 1233"] The ONLY thing that ever worked took many HARD trials before it worked, before he believed I would do it. It was NOT fun, and required me bullying husband into not giving in to him if I was not at home. I simply informed the kids that if tv, computer, gameboy, etc... were important enough to throw fits over then they were too important. Family, friends, school, chores, etc.... were ALL more important than those things. If whining, fussing, raging, tantruming, whatever it is called does not stop then the item will have to go away for long enough for me to feel they were in their proper place of importance. I took away all tv, certain programs, pokemon, gameboy, video games, in just about every way you could figure them. It was NOT for a day or two. They were an addiction, or close to it, and had to be removed long enough that the behavior would not start up right away when the item came back. The first week was constant, or near constant begging and bargaining for the item. BAD behavior of the "I will do X until she gives in" variety. by the end of about 7-10 days things leveled out some. I gave in at that point only once. The problems were ALL back in 24 hours and it was like starting from scratch except that he thought if he settled down then they would come back in X days. 1 day after day X and he was ATROCIOUS. It actually took a full week after that point to get to where we were when I had first given it back. After that it was never less than 4 weeks before I gave it back. Often longer, usually around 6 weeks. I ONCE gave in because Gma and Gpa came to visit. The next time he called them BEGGING them to come back so he could get his whatever back. He kept calling them over and over one night to plead with them. I got a lovely lecture from my dad about "being mean" and asked him what he would have done if I had EVER called a grandparent to get a toy back that HE had taken away. My mother tried to tell me to stop letting him have the phone. Nope. THEY, the great Grandparent Santa Claus pair, got to tell him no and keep dealing with his obsessions. THEY insisted repeatedly before this that he should be allowed to call them any and almost every time he wanted. Period. They did foot any long distance bill, but that was NOT the point or the problem they created. THEY got to deal with him calling as soon as they hung up. It was the first time they really ever felt the obsession that we dealt with, and that previously they scoffed at. Until that night it was yet another thing I was "hysterical" or "over-reacting" about. He was 6 at the time. My mother tried unplugging the phones. She had a neighbor that I called. I told her she either answered the phone or got used to not speaking to him - it was NOT fair to tell him over and over to call her anytime, to encourage him to "tattle" on us when he got upset. She made the rules and had to play by them for 24 hours. She answered her phone again, said I was right and it really was NOT fair to him, to me, or to the rest of the family for her to do that. The Gparents still fussed with us over taking things away from him, but not when I asked if they wanted to go through that again. I dealt with the begging, demanding, bargaining, etc.... by either giving him a chore, or by walking away or ignoring him. If he hurt anyone, including himself, I restrained him until he could make safe choices. The ONE thing he never did was go after one of the cats. Thankfully. There were times I locked myself in the bathroom to get 2 minutes of peace from him. It DID work. Usually by the time I re-introduced the item in limited amounts he realized that he had to keep himself in line to keep it. That included minimal fussing when the item was put up until the next reasonable time to enjoy it. I did let him know his time limits (one tv show that was X minutes long, X minutes, whatever) and when his next opportunity would be. That seemed to work very well to reintroduce it. It isn't easy. It isn't, at first, fun. But then, when it is gone, you do find other things to enjoy and often we found we really enjoyed each other after the first horrible stage of withdrawal was over. It very much behaves like an addiction for my son. THIS is a large part of why I think he has an addiction to electronic entertainement. [/QUOTE]
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