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difficult child birthday coming up
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 619339" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Lucy,</p><p>we have contracted to a family of four, plus or minus their dad (my ex) and my SO. It is three kids and me. His twin has rage, fear, guilt, and sadness. She prefers to pretend he doesn't exist, and avoided seeing him while she was home over break. She is very angry at the impact he continues to have on me, and on her dad. She feels deep down that she is somehow responsible, that it is her fault that he is as he is. And she feels embarassed by him...she doesn't like him around her friends, or to be seen with him on the street. All that. She has felt that way for a long time. I think he broke her heart a while back, maybe sophomore year in high school...and she has not been able to free herself of any of the negative feelings.</p><p>His younger brothers change in their stand. They have never had a happy relationship with him...he used to steal their stuff, and I would blame them for being careless. For a while we locked him in our foyer (so he could sleep where is was warm but not be able to get into the house...I know, how did we get to THAT place???) and they had to step over him on their way to school. Their dad used to tell them that difficult child ruined their lives...so I busied myself trying to teach the lesson taht no one can ruin your life, certainly not sad weak pathetic difficult child...now he just is sort of absent. One of them wanted to visit him during an acute psychiatric hospitalization last summer..the other did not (actually his twin visited him then...he tried a suicide gesture of cutting his throat, and she needed to feel reassured. That surprised me a little). No one had the faintest interest in visiting him in jail. They try on different hats in their relationship with him. Mostly I think they hope he'll die so we can all grieve and move on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 619339, member: 17269"] Lucy, we have contracted to a family of four, plus or minus their dad (my ex) and my SO. It is three kids and me. His twin has rage, fear, guilt, and sadness. She prefers to pretend he doesn't exist, and avoided seeing him while she was home over break. She is very angry at the impact he continues to have on me, and on her dad. She feels deep down that she is somehow responsible, that it is her fault that he is as he is. And she feels embarassed by him...she doesn't like him around her friends, or to be seen with him on the street. All that. She has felt that way for a long time. I think he broke her heart a while back, maybe sophomore year in high school...and she has not been able to free herself of any of the negative feelings. His younger brothers change in their stand. They have never had a happy relationship with him...he used to steal their stuff, and I would blame them for being careless. For a while we locked him in our foyer (so he could sleep where is was warm but not be able to get into the house...I know, how did we get to THAT place???) and they had to step over him on their way to school. Their dad used to tell them that difficult child ruined their lives...so I busied myself trying to teach the lesson taht no one can ruin your life, certainly not sad weak pathetic difficult child...now he just is sort of absent. One of them wanted to visit him during an acute psychiatric hospitalization last summer..the other did not (actually his twin visited him then...he tried a suicide gesture of cutting his throat, and she needed to feel reassured. That surprised me a little). No one had the faintest interest in visiting him in jail. They try on different hats in their relationship with him. Mostly I think they hope he'll die so we can all grieve and move on. [/QUOTE]
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