difficult child did call me for Mothers day!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, May 13, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi all,

    Well overall I have had a very fun and nice weekend and Mothers day. My difficult child did call me today to wish me a happy Mothers day. It was the first time I have talked to him since he went into treatment almost 2 weeks ago, and probably the first time in a long time he has called without asking for something! He said he was good, doesn't like some of the rules but in many ways it is a better treatment place than some others, he likes his roommates, it is better than being on the streets, doesn't like his therapist all that much has not found staff he feels really comfortable with..... so a mixed bag.

    So afterwards I felt kind of disappointed. Then it hit me that I still have this totally unrealistic ridiculous hope that somehow at some point a switch is going to flip and he is going to have this epiphany and change his life. Just like that!!! I should know better than that, really I should. Change happens slowly and if a switch did flip and he did a complete turnaround overnight then I should really worry!!

    The fact that he is in the program and is not majorly complaining is huge really... and that in fact he sees some positive things is good. The fact that it feels better than being on the street is good... and hey he called me on his own on Mothers day!!! His timing was good becuase he called right after I turned my phone on as we were leaving a show we had gone to see... but before we got to the restaurant for dinner. I had kind of thought he would call at a time when I would miss it. So I am glad about that.

    So anyway thats where we are at.

    Happy Mothers day to all of you wonderful moms who have been wonderfully supporitve to me on this journey.

  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TL... that whole "switch" thing? husband says its more like the tide. It goes out, and then, there is a pause - sometimes a very long pause, before the tide changes. But when it changes, THEN it's like a "switch". Ever see the tides on the Bay of Fundy? (OK, its Canadian... but its among the highest tides in the world.)

    So maybe... after a long drawn out tail end to the ebb tide, he's in that "pause" place. I'm hoping...
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad he called you. You are being very realistic abot the "switch" thing. I know what you mean though, I remember when I thought she would be "fixed" while in the sober house, not really but I sure was hoping.

    My difficult child texted me this morning, very short "Happy Mother's Day" and I texted back "thank you." That was it. But I had a lovely day with husband and easy child. We went to brunch and then easy child and I went to the mall, did a bit of shopping and got pedicures. She came back over our house and spent the evening and is having sleepover and I really enjoyed her being here. It was a very nice day in spite of everything. It's too bad difficult child does not want to be part of the family, she missed out on a lovey day.

  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I guess this is our mother's day SA thread.

    TL, I'm glad that you got a call from your difficult child. Nancy, I'm glad that you had a nice day with husband and easy child.

    Mine wasn't very good. We had made plans to go out to eat after difficult child got off of work. First, easy child called around 11:00am asking what time we were going to meet. She was in a bad mood and said that she didn't feel well and didn't want to be out late. She asked if we could go out for lunch but I told her that I wanted to include difficult child so she agreed to meet us at 5:30 to eat.

    Then difficult child called from work around 4:00 saying that she might have to work until 6:00 or later and that we should go without her since she didn't really like the restaurant we were going to (my favorite Italian restaurant). Typical difficult child.

    Add to all of that, it was a miserable rainy day and I just decided it wasn't worth the aggravation of dealing with easy child and difficult child so I just sent husband out to get me Zaxbys and called it a day. I love Zaxbys and have not had it in a while since I have been on a diet so I decided to treat myself.

    I texted easy child that we would just do it another time and she said ok. Then difficult child called at 5:15 and said that she had gotten off early and where should she meet us. I reminded her that she had already told me that she wasn't going to come so I ate Zaxbys instead.

    She came home an hour later with a rose and a hand-written card that said I was an amazing mom and thanked me for loving her. Sadly, I wasn't sure if she hadn't been drinking so I couldn't get too excited. It wasn't that she was acting drunk . . its just that anytime she is unaccounted for I think the worst. I don't know if that will ever change.,

    All in all, I would rather have skipped the whole day.

  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Mine was spent in the pouring rain. Since I live near Kathy, it was raining for me, too...lol. Anyhow, I had zero expectations this year and so I was not let down. difficult child had called me earlier in the week freaking out thinking she missed Mother's Day, so I guess I got my phone call. She backed it up with two texts yesterday. My sweet son wanted me to bring him to the store so he could buy me a card, but husband and I had to go look at a boat so I told him just the thought alone was heart-filling. :) He is the best.

    My biggest gift was/is my boat. husband and I went to go look at a boat that was much older than what we wanted but also half the money we were planning on spending. So we went out there with zero expectations and the boat was in perfect condition. SOLID boat, perfect interior, garage kept by one owner. We were amazed. We bought it. We love it. :)

    Happy post Mother's Day to my SA family!!!!
  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    My mother's day was nice. PC17 was participating in the Relay for Life at his HS (American cancer society fundraiser) which went from 7pm to 7am - so he basically came home and slept until 2. PC15 slept pretty late too. H got up early, ran to the grocery store and brought home the makings of French Toast & Bacon and a bunch of flowers and a sweet card. He made us both a big breakfast and we read the paper. Then the yard work began. First nice weekend in ages - and our deck needs to be rebuilt. We have out of town guests coming for easy child's HS grad on June 7 - and it needs to be finished by then. So, he started ripping it apart and I sprayed the yard weeds. We capped it off with an hour long trip to Home Depot at 4pm and then Chinese food (my choice, didn't want to go out).

    PC15 made me a lovely card and wrote the sentiment inside. It touched me so deeply, that I have to share. "Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for doing all the things you have done for me through these past 15 years. Thank you for taking me to sporting events/practice, school, appointments, friend's houses, you name it. Thank you for looking out for me in life and making sure I am always okay and happy. Thank you for doing all the things you do in my life that have made it great. You are the best mom anyone could ask for and do not let anyone say that you are not. Of course, we all know who "anyone" is (difficult child) and that made me wince a bit. I LOVE the card but I also realize he is trying to make up for the pain his brother has caused and difficult child's disdain of all we did and I feel bad about that. Like a bit of innocence lost I guess. I am not dwelling on it, but I know you guys understand. And I guess as a "youngest child with a difficult child sibling", I am especially sensitive to it. I remember feeling the need to fill the gap (which my own mother stoked) and I hate that my sweet, sensitive youngest must be feeling that way too despite my efforts to shelter him.

    difficult child sent a Mother's day card. Not a gushy or OTT card- "Thinking of you on Mother's Day and sending love your way" in which he wrote I hope you have a great mother's day and I look forward to seeing you soon. Love you , difficult child It came earlier in the week, so I had a bit of relief knowing he was acknowledging it, and I opened it yesterday. So that was nice. I also received a gushy , OTT "Thank you note" from his girlfriend to whom I had sent a birthday card earlier in the week. (A very simple birthday card, signed "Love, the XXXXXXs" ) Still can't figure out what is going on there ( a thank you note for a b-day card?), but it is what it is. I didn't hear from difficult child though and I texted him a "thank you for the lovely card, goodnight" at 10:00pm and he didn't text back. 1 step forward, 1/2 step back.

    I got a grumbled "Happy Mother's Day" from my cranky 17 yo at around 2pm. (I think I've mentioned before that he's a little quirky and an intensely private old soul. He was born a grumpy old man! It works for him - so we let him be.) We ate dinner, no card, no present, nothing. At 8pm, I put on my pjs and when I came out of my room, there was a card on the kitchen counter with "Mom" written on it. I opened a lovely card with an Amazon gc from PC17. (and no he hadn't just run out to get it-so I don't know why?) So, I thanked him profusely and he SMILED at me. So, it was a good day.

    Except that my nose still hurts and it's healing ugly and I will likely need plastic surgery to fix it. To add insult to injury, Blue Cross sent me a notification of processed (ie unpaid) claim and apparently when the ENT used to scope to examine my nose, the code is considered "surgery" and is not a covered office service so it is subject to my deductible. $687 to look up my nose with a light. YAY. Hopefully, the plastic surgery will be covered as medically necessary and I guess I would have needed to meet my deductible regardless. But STILL. I mean, couldn't he have used a flashlight? And he didn't find anything either...grrrrrrr
  7. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    Total radio silence for mother's day. I'm at a place with things where I what I really want is an apology (although I probably wouldn't believe it and would feel like it was manipulation), and I keep assuming that the silence is a contemptuous, angry silence even though I have no data to confirm or deny that. So, I'm not really ok with the silence, but since I wouldn't be ok with anything else either, I'm trying to be grateful that there was no drama and call it a day. I did get to spend time with my boyfriend on Friday and Saturday and with another friend Sunday night, so my tank did get filled.