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difficult child- extremely bad with money
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 617350" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is such an uncomfortable position to be in. It sounds like you have enough money to help him, which makes it harder to say no. Been there, done that. Our children upped the ante. Once we retired, they still kept upping the ante. Reinstating licenses, co-signing for apartments, paying fines ~ whatever it took, to get them out on their own and give them a chance.</p><p></p><p>My kids are nearing forty. We <u>had</u> to tell them no more, or go back to work, ourselves. And believe it or not, if it weren't for my husband, I would have done that. It's like, we just don't think straight, where our kids are concerned. We want to give them a chance. We convince ourselves that these things that happen to them are unfair, or that they will never happen again. As time passes? We convince ourselves that whatever happens next, we are not going to pay for it.</p><p></p><p>Then?</p><p></p><p>The thing that happens next is so bad that we DO pay for it. Like addicts, we swear again that this is the last time. The resentment we feel destroys some essential balance in the relationship. (The kids feel it, too. Who wants to grow up to be that person who cannot depend on him or herself? Who ever sets out to become that loser living with his mother?) But somehow, that is what all our best intentions turn our kids into.</p><p></p><p>That is what happened, to us.</p><p></p><p>I don't know whether my kids would have turned things around without our help, or died, without our help. I only know what we've been doing has not helped them. I know I did not set out to raise dependent kids. I know I did not raise them to blame other people for their problems. But I <u>did</u> (unknowingly, unintentionally) teach them that if the story was good enough, we would save them from themselves.</p><p></p><p>I was the one that needed to change.</p><p></p><p>So, I did.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how this is all going to resolve. I do know that once I could see my own part in what happened to my kids, once I could understand that there are kids who pick up and do the right thing, once the parent gets out of the way ~ boy, did I get out of the way.</p><p></p><p>It's like Recovering always says: Once we change, everything changes.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is. We have had to face the exact same things, too. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 617350, member: 17461"] This is such an uncomfortable position to be in. It sounds like you have enough money to help him, which makes it harder to say no. Been there, done that. Our children upped the ante. Once we retired, they still kept upping the ante. Reinstating licenses, co-signing for apartments, paying fines ~ whatever it took, to get them out on their own and give them a chance. My kids are nearing forty. We [U]had[/U] to tell them no more, or go back to work, ourselves. And believe it or not, if it weren't for my husband, I would have done that. It's like, we just don't think straight, where our kids are concerned. We want to give them a chance. We convince ourselves that these things that happen to them are unfair, or that they will never happen again. As time passes? We convince ourselves that whatever happens next, we are not going to pay for it. Then? The thing that happens next is so bad that we DO pay for it. Like addicts, we swear again that this is the last time. The resentment we feel destroys some essential balance in the relationship. (The kids feel it, too. Who wants to grow up to be that person who cannot depend on him or herself? Who ever sets out to become that loser living with his mother?) But somehow, that is what all our best intentions turn our kids into. That is what happened, to us. I don't know whether my kids would have turned things around without our help, or died, without our help. I only know what we've been doing has not helped them. I know I did not set out to raise dependent kids. I know I did not raise them to blame other people for their problems. But I [U]did[/U] (unknowingly, unintentionally) teach them that if the story was good enough, we would save them from themselves. I was the one that needed to change. So, I did. I don't know how this is all going to resolve. I do know that once I could see my own part in what happened to my kids, once I could understand that there are kids who pick up and do the right thing, once the parent gets out of the way ~ boy, did I get out of the way. It's like Recovering always says: Once we change, everything changes. I know how hard this is. We have had to face the exact same things, too. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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