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difficult child -- Gratitude From a Newcomer Here - Thanks!
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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 633586" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>Hi Lil. I really appreciate your post. Yeah, that was my first thought, too.... my "Shake-My-Fist-At-God Moment". Occasionally, I still feel that way. Some years ago, I made a conscious decision to alter my paradigm to seek more positives in The Big Picture. I'm a work in progress, too, so I don't always succeed. But I do seek positives intentionally. </p><p></p><p>Raising our difficult child took a toll on my health (and my husband's). When I had cancer 2.5 years ago, I took a friend's advice (who had successfully battled cancer) -- cut out all the unnecessary bad things AND add in necessary good things like laughter (for me, that meant being silly with friends and having my daily dose of I Love Lucy and The Big Bang Theory!). At the time, I was caretaking for my father and worrying/strategizing to death over my son. Honestly, I told 'em both it was my turn -- Told 'em I would not be caring for either of them for 3 months. I took 3+ months off all of my responsibilities (I'm a school sub -- Special Education, K-12) and my workplace was fabulous. Interestingly, my father and my son both stayed away without complaint.</p><p></p><p>How refreshing it was for me to focus on ME! I never went back to my "old format" of caretaking. In this way, cancer was a difficult child for me. This experience of intentionally choosing self-care and positives whenever possible (which is usually) taught me more than I can express. ** It may not be for everyone, but it is for me. Life has enough challenges as it is....I seek a more positive inner atmosphere than the maelstrom which swirls around me at times. </p><p></p><p>Drama Tornado. That's what I call unnecessary chaos.</p><p></p><p>I view life as a combo classroom and amusement park. I learn a lot and some thrill rides are great fun! However, some rides just suck and make me want to hurl. I do my best to ride the fun ones as often as possible!</p><p></p><p>Following surgery and radiation, my cancer reports are now free and clear these days. 2.5 years down, and 2.5 years to go until declared "free" of cancer. I'm on it, baaaabyyyy! My life is here to be lived and to love those I love (including our son) the best I can. But I cannot live his life for him. Tried to. He didn't change and it damn near killed me. I learned. </p><p></p><p>He lives his life and I live mine. He is always in my heart and sometimes our paths cross. When things are good, I extend that visit -- gratefully. When things are bad, I just cut it short -- realistically. And I am directly honest with him about it. I just say, "It looks like this is a bad time. Let's try again later."</p><p></p><p>Whether that works for him or not is his call. All I know is that's what works for me. </p><p></p><p>Thanks, again, for your great post, Lil..........thought-provoking in insightful ways!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 633586, member: 18284"] Hi Lil. I really appreciate your post. Yeah, that was my first thought, too.... my "Shake-My-Fist-At-God Moment". Occasionally, I still feel that way. Some years ago, I made a conscious decision to alter my paradigm to seek more positives in The Big Picture. I'm a work in progress, too, so I don't always succeed. But I do seek positives intentionally. Raising our difficult child took a toll on my health (and my husband's). When I had cancer 2.5 years ago, I took a friend's advice (who had successfully battled cancer) -- cut out all the unnecessary bad things AND add in necessary good things like laughter (for me, that meant being silly with friends and having my daily dose of I Love Lucy and The Big Bang Theory!). At the time, I was caretaking for my father and worrying/strategizing to death over my son. Honestly, I told 'em both it was my turn -- Told 'em I would not be caring for either of them for 3 months. I took 3+ months off all of my responsibilities (I'm a school sub -- Special Education, K-12) and my workplace was fabulous. Interestingly, my father and my son both stayed away without complaint. How refreshing it was for me to focus on ME! I never went back to my "old format" of caretaking. In this way, cancer was a difficult child for me. This experience of intentionally choosing self-care and positives whenever possible (which is usually) taught me more than I can express. ** It may not be for everyone, but it is for me. Life has enough challenges as it is....I seek a more positive inner atmosphere than the maelstrom which swirls around me at times. Drama Tornado. That's what I call unnecessary chaos. I view life as a combo classroom and amusement park. I learn a lot and some thrill rides are great fun! However, some rides just suck and make me want to hurl. I do my best to ride the fun ones as often as possible! Following surgery and radiation, my cancer reports are now free and clear these days. 2.5 years down, and 2.5 years to go until declared "free" of cancer. I'm on it, baaaabyyyy! My life is here to be lived and to love those I love (including our son) the best I can. But I cannot live his life for him. Tried to. He didn't change and it damn near killed me. I learned. He lives his life and I live mine. He is always in my heart and sometimes our paths cross. When things are good, I extend that visit -- gratefully. When things are bad, I just cut it short -- realistically. And I am directly honest with him about it. I just say, "It looks like this is a bad time. Let's try again later." Whether that works for him or not is his call. All I know is that's what works for me. Thanks, again, for your great post, Lil..........thought-provoking in insightful ways! [/QUOTE]
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