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difficult child has now sold (ebay) all the gifts he received from us last year...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 487661" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Sig, </p><p></p><p>You know..you asked "WHY is he deliberately making a mess out of his life?" and the thought that popped into MY head was.....Maybe he's not TRYING to make a mess out of it. Maybe with the coping skills and age of mind that he IS.......he's doing the best that he can WITHOUT parental help. </p><p></p><p>To us? It seems ABSURD to sell all of your belongings. To my son? It's as if 'Oh there is a flower I'll pick it and sell it for a meal at Burger King." WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET WITH ME it was just a flower - sheesh there are tons of flowers - everywhere. (substitute flower for any personal belongings) and to HIM? HE IS surviving. </p><p></p><p>I say this because I had a conversation with my son not so long ago about surviving and HOW he was managing to do it. He doesn't do drugs, or sell them - is repulsed by the whole notion of them. I would say that he didn't drink but he's 21 and I'm not a complete naive soul. He also has a warrant current for missed probation (thanks to the wonderful advice he got from Daddy Disney who said - YOU ONLY HAVE THREE MONTHS left on your probation? Heck - blow that off and come here with me - alterior motive - I need your SS# for foodstamps to get more money for dope -hows that for manipulative) so I know he's not stealing things and does NOT want to end up back in jail. So he became a horse=trader of sorts. He would buy low, fix something - sell for a profit, take that money - buy something else - etc...etc... Not better than a job - but it kept him alive for three years....and more importantly to HIM?? ON.HIS.OWN. </p><p></p><p>Did he sell things we gave him? You bet. Did I send anymore gifts or packages? NOOooooooooope. Not even Christmas - because I just needed to cut out the middle man and KNEW if I got him X - then X would be on Craigslist tomorrow being sold to buy a something that would make him MORE money to keep him afloat - and he was PROUD of himself. He didn't look at it like he had HURT us.....he looked at it like - WE gave you those things - THey were HIS to do with as he pleased....he had to survive.....and he found a way - BE PROUD OF ME. </p><p></p><p>Although the logic was a bit skewed? I saw the message loud and clear and it all stacked up to - I DID IT ON MY OWN. BE PROUD OF ME FOR SURVIVING. - </p><p></p><p>Once I had that notion in my head? I allowed him all the freedom he could muster and stopped sending him anything that "helped" him be PROUD on my back. That way I didn't get angry about my gift giving and his SURVIVAL thoughts.....and he could be free 100% to feel like he HAD made it on his own. </p><p></p><p>As for the laptop and ipad thing? Oh there is no way in hades I'd pony up for those things....at best I'd be handing him a used computer and tell him - Wheel and deal there Magoo and find yourself a better laptop - this is as good as I could go - things are tight this year. Check Pawn Shops. Cause that's where he's going to go. </p><p></p><p>Just my opinion. - oh any by the way - Dude even traded clothes and SHOES.........so even that stopped. Not even gift cards....he traded those. It was like you couldn't give him ANYTHING he'd keep. So why bother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 487661, member: 4964"] Sig, You know..you asked "WHY is he deliberately making a mess out of his life?" and the thought that popped into MY head was.....Maybe he's not TRYING to make a mess out of it. Maybe with the coping skills and age of mind that he IS.......he's doing the best that he can WITHOUT parental help. To us? It seems ABSURD to sell all of your belongings. To my son? It's as if 'Oh there is a flower I'll pick it and sell it for a meal at Burger King." WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET WITH ME it was just a flower - sheesh there are tons of flowers - everywhere. (substitute flower for any personal belongings) and to HIM? HE IS surviving. I say this because I had a conversation with my son not so long ago about surviving and HOW he was managing to do it. He doesn't do drugs, or sell them - is repulsed by the whole notion of them. I would say that he didn't drink but he's 21 and I'm not a complete naive soul. He also has a warrant current for missed probation (thanks to the wonderful advice he got from Daddy Disney who said - YOU ONLY HAVE THREE MONTHS left on your probation? Heck - blow that off and come here with me - alterior motive - I need your SS# for foodstamps to get more money for dope -hows that for manipulative) so I know he's not stealing things and does NOT want to end up back in jail. So he became a horse=trader of sorts. He would buy low, fix something - sell for a profit, take that money - buy something else - etc...etc... Not better than a job - but it kept him alive for three years....and more importantly to HIM?? ON.HIS.OWN. Did he sell things we gave him? You bet. Did I send anymore gifts or packages? NOOooooooooope. Not even Christmas - because I just needed to cut out the middle man and KNEW if I got him X - then X would be on Craigslist tomorrow being sold to buy a something that would make him MORE money to keep him afloat - and he was PROUD of himself. He didn't look at it like he had HURT us.....he looked at it like - WE gave you those things - THey were HIS to do with as he pleased....he had to survive.....and he found a way - BE PROUD OF ME. Although the logic was a bit skewed? I saw the message loud and clear and it all stacked up to - I DID IT ON MY OWN. BE PROUD OF ME FOR SURVIVING. - Once I had that notion in my head? I allowed him all the freedom he could muster and stopped sending him anything that "helped" him be PROUD on my back. That way I didn't get angry about my gift giving and his SURVIVAL thoughts.....and he could be free 100% to feel like he HAD made it on his own. As for the laptop and ipad thing? Oh there is no way in hades I'd pony up for those things....at best I'd be handing him a used computer and tell him - Wheel and deal there Magoo and find yourself a better laptop - this is as good as I could go - things are tight this year. Check Pawn Shops. Cause that's where he's going to go. Just my opinion. - oh any by the way - Dude even traded clothes and SHOES.........so even that stopped. Not even gift cards....he traded those. It was like you couldn't give him ANYTHING he'd keep. So why bother. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child has now sold (ebay) all the gifts he received from us last year...
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