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difficult child has now sold (ebay) all the gifts he received from us last year...
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 487984" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>This thread has struck a chord with me fo several reasons. My difficult child hasn't (that I know of ) gone the ebay route, but she did sell her very nice bike on Craigslist to pay her dad for her car insurance early this summer. It made me so sad becasue riding bikes was something we enjoyed together ... it was new to me as I'd not ridden a bike for 20 years before my double knee replacement in 2009 and it was such a thrill to share it with her. She's a bit passive/aggressive and I couldn't help but take it personally. She wasn't working -or even looking for work at the time, a fact that only served to make me more confused and angry at her choices.</p><p></p><p>She had a locket her birthmom had given to the social service people at the time difficult child was removed from her custody. I gave it to her when she'd asked if Bmom left her anything (she was 13 when she asked and she wore it constantly from the time I gave it to her). When she went on her Kairos retreat in high school, family members were asked to send a letter. I sent one with the necklace her dad had given me as a wedding gift. It was a heart surrounded by tiny diamonds, just beautiful. I wrote her a letter in which I said the necklace representated the love we still have for, despite the divorce. The heart has two distinct sides, I wrote, but they meet at the top and bottom and form a neverending circle.</p><p></p><p>She put my necklace on the same chain as the Bmom's necklace and wore them together. When the chain broke, she gave it to me and asked me if I could get her a new chain. This was right around when her difficult child-ness was becoming very apparent. She was leaving for college and I just put it away and she never asked about it. </p><p></p><p>Last Christmas I had the small heart attached to the locket (with assurances from the jeweler that they could be separated if that was her wish), bought a nice gold chain and gave it to her. She was thrilled for about a day and then I never saw her wear it again. When she moved out of her dad's, he found it on the floor under a pile of dirty clothes and gave it back to me.</p><p></p><p>I'll give it to her some day, but I am in a serious quandry as to what to get her for Christmas....</p><p></p><p>I have a tie tack and some cuff links from my dad, and thought (and changed my mind) of doing a necklace out of one of them. She pretty much doesn't wear any jewelery now, and clearly does not value what she had.</p><p></p><p>She has put on about 80 pounds. Every time I see her, she is in either her dad's shirts or her boyfriend's sweats and sweat shirts. Clothes seem out of the question. I don't even know what size she wears.</p><p></p><p>She doesn't wear makeup or perfume, and actually she seems to have given up showering.</p><p></p><p>I bought her a book in a series I know she enjoyed, but I am totatlly stumped on what/if I should get anything else.</p><p></p><p>She used to be the easiest kid in the world to buy for: loved all sorts of music (now only weird, obscure stuff ... I don't even know where her iPod is), loved clothes, jewerly, all sorts of books....</p><p></p><p>I know how you feel, Sig. I know what it's like to want to go back and -even just for one magic Christmas morning - have things make sense and have a predictable outcome.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 487984, member: 9175"] This thread has struck a chord with me fo several reasons. My difficult child hasn't (that I know of ) gone the ebay route, but she did sell her very nice bike on Craigslist to pay her dad for her car insurance early this summer. It made me so sad becasue riding bikes was something we enjoyed together ... it was new to me as I'd not ridden a bike for 20 years before my double knee replacement in 2009 and it was such a thrill to share it with her. She's a bit passive/aggressive and I couldn't help but take it personally. She wasn't working -or even looking for work at the time, a fact that only served to make me more confused and angry at her choices. She had a locket her birthmom had given to the social service people at the time difficult child was removed from her custody. I gave it to her when she'd asked if Bmom left her anything (she was 13 when she asked and she wore it constantly from the time I gave it to her). When she went on her Kairos retreat in high school, family members were asked to send a letter. I sent one with the necklace her dad had given me as a wedding gift. It was a heart surrounded by tiny diamonds, just beautiful. I wrote her a letter in which I said the necklace representated the love we still have for, despite the divorce. The heart has two distinct sides, I wrote, but they meet at the top and bottom and form a neverending circle. She put my necklace on the same chain as the Bmom's necklace and wore them together. When the chain broke, she gave it to me and asked me if I could get her a new chain. This was right around when her difficult child-ness was becoming very apparent. She was leaving for college and I just put it away and she never asked about it. Last Christmas I had the small heart attached to the locket (with assurances from the jeweler that they could be separated if that was her wish), bought a nice gold chain and gave it to her. She was thrilled for about a day and then I never saw her wear it again. When she moved out of her dad's, he found it on the floor under a pile of dirty clothes and gave it back to me. I'll give it to her some day, but I am in a serious quandry as to what to get her for Christmas.... I have a tie tack and some cuff links from my dad, and thought (and changed my mind) of doing a necklace out of one of them. She pretty much doesn't wear any jewelery now, and clearly does not value what she had. She has put on about 80 pounds. Every time I see her, she is in either her dad's shirts or her boyfriend's sweats and sweat shirts. Clothes seem out of the question. I don't even know what size she wears. She doesn't wear makeup or perfume, and actually she seems to have given up showering. I bought her a book in a series I know she enjoyed, but I am totatlly stumped on what/if I should get anything else. She used to be the easiest kid in the world to buy for: loved all sorts of music (now only weird, obscure stuff ... I don't even know where her iPod is), loved clothes, jewerly, all sorts of books.... I know how you feel, Sig. I know what it's like to want to go back and -even just for one magic Christmas morning - have things make sense and have a predictable outcome. Dash [/QUOTE]
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difficult child has now sold (ebay) all the gifts he received from us last year...
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