difficult child is unraveling

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mstang67chic, Jun 24, 2012.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    difficult child quit taking his medications when he was still in jail or prison. I'm not sure exactly when but it's probably been close to 2 years ago now. Since he was released back in March, he has been getting worse and worse. I'm still not sure if his last diagnoses was in ADDITION to the bipolar or instead of but he was diagnosed Schizoaffective. Without the intense structure of prison, he is losing control and it is becoming rapid at this point. I'll be surprised if he doesn't wind up in the hospital or in jail by the end of the summer. My only hope at this point is that he doesn't hurt anyone in the process.

    I understand why the laws are the way they are but it seems like there should be SOMETHING we could do without waiting on him to go off.

    For now though, we just watch him:

    He's found religion although his is a very skewed version but of course he's right because he KNOWS.

    He either acts manic or is angry all of the time because everyone is against him, he's not welcome anywhere, we don't do anything with him, we don't call him when we do/go anything/anywhere. He was at the house the other day when I got home from work. It was a little dark in the house when I walked in from the sunshine so I had trouble seeing. I must have had a frown when I looked at him because he got up, said "I can see I'm not welcome here" and stormed out. Yesterday he called to get some money from me (I have control of his SSI) and of course had to call 8 times in a row since I didn't answer. I had the NERVE to use the bathroom and take a shower doncha know. We ended up having words and I got cussed out. He came over later and we had words again. When I mentioned him needed to see a doctor and get medications again he accused me of wanting to dumb him down, cussed me out and left.

    I missed it but husband watched the big festival parade yesterday. Guess who decided to participate on his own and was riding his bike through the parade, pulling his little cart he has to pick up cans and other metal? husband was at a friends house and no one even recognized difficult child. But he's special and he can do what he wants. If he wants to be in the parade then by golly he's going to be in the parade.

    He's losing it and it just amazes me that there isn't SOMETHING we can do.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    difficult child#2 is schizoaffective, adhd, aspergers and according to some experts BiPolar (BP). The govt took his disability away and he no longer is on medication. He is now living in a dirty apartment in a bad part of town with two "friends" with MH issues. Because I can do nothing to help him I completely understand your pain and frustration. It makes no sense. I am truly sorry. Hugs DDD
  3. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Oh...UGH....I'm so sorry.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    How frustrating the system is. I'm sorry for you and him. I wish there could be some kind of medication requirement if there is a diagnosis but I can understand how that could get messy....there must be a way though. Mental illness is just one of the meanest diagnosis there is.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Umm, I may be wrong, but I've always been under the strong impression that schizoaffective disorder is schizophrenia/mood disorder combination. I doubt there really would be a reason to tag him bipolar in addition......because you'd be double dxing him for the same thing. Know what I mean?? My aunt had what would now be schizoaffective, but her dxes were schizophrenic and bipolar. I've had this told to me many times over by psychiatrists when I asked referring to the schizoaffective term. I'm going to venture to guess that the grouping of behaviors was seen often enough together that they gave it it's own label.

    Regardless, it's extremely difficult for someone with schizoaffective to get stable, nearly impossible for most. It's like one part plays against the other part making it extremely difficult to find the right combo of medications that work well, then you have to somehow convince them they must take and stay on the medications...........and that is really tough to manage with a schizo, let alone someone with bipolar....throw them together and yeah. Even my aunt who did better than most...........had rather colorful stretches of instability. In her later years she only stayed on her medications because her last husband told her if he noticed she wasn't taking them then he'd divorce her. He wasn't playing around either. He didn't know about her dxes until she had a period of instability after they were married and had to be admitted to the local psychiatric unit for about a month. He loved her dearly, but he was a no nonsense sort of man. (they married in their late 60's)

    You know, I know things were far from perfect back when they had state hospitals ect. But closing them instead of fixing the issues was not the answer. It might not have been super easy to get someone admitted who needed to be admitted, but it was a lot easier when they had many more places to choose from than it is now.

    IF somehow difficult child can be convinced to stay on a medication regimen that works well for him, he'd do pretty darn well. But first the right combo of medications has to be found, and he has to actually take them. These are, of course, the 3 biggest issues.

    It's still so painful to watch and know there is nothing you can do.

  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have no wisdom... What I do have is lots of hugs...
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. It sounds as though he may have become a "project" for this church that he has found - or found him. He seems to trust them, and hopefully they will protect him within the restraints of their abilities. I hope that they will be responsible enough that should he get to a point that he may self-harm or harm someone that they will steer him towards treatment. It seems as though he is beyond your influence at this point.

    {{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}
  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Sending you lots of support and hugs. I understand, been there done that.
  9. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    He was over here earlier to borrow a portable radio/boom box from husband. difficult child lives in a prime locatio to watch movies at the drive in as long as he has a radio to hear the audio. (They broadcast on a radio station). husband's brother S and nephew D were here and difficult child was chatting with them in the driveway. When difficult child asked D how he was doing, D told him that he had joined the army. difficult child started talking about how that was bad becaue D would be a number and HE (difficult child) wouldn't want to live as a number. Of course we are all looking at him like WTH and husband said that he already IS number. I think husband was referring to social security but difficult child started reciting his doctor number and how he was in the doctor.....I'm not sure exactly. AT that point I went back inside. We already had the garage door open and when difficult child went in, he stood in one section just looking at stuff. Since he was nowhere near the radio, husband asked what he was doing. He wasn't accusing...just wondering why he was where he was. That's all it took. difficult child went off about how he didn't appreciate being accused of stealing and left.

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mstang, there is a longer acting shot that can be given for the medically non-compliant patients with just such diagnosis's. It is an AP. Is difficult child out on probation or parole? If so, I would be talking to his PO and asking for that to be worked into his conditions. Most PO's do want their clients to make it because it is easier on them.

    Now, if you cant do that, perhaps you could attempt to explain to difficult child that if he wants to continue to get his disability he has to continue to go to the psychiatrist. If you can convince him of that, maybe you can convince him that because you are his payee he needs to sign the paper to allow you access to being in the room with him when he is in the appointments. I dont have that issue because Cory wants me there. If your difficult child wont let you in, you can always send a letter to the psychiatrist even if he wont talk to you and give him a heads up. He can take your input even if he cant talk to you about difficult child.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Very good points Janet. :)
  12. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    He won't go see anyone. Say's he's fine and if he loses his disability, he'll just get a job and go scrapping more. :slap:
  13. I'm so sorry that I have nothing to offer in the way of advice. Just some sympathy. :(
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    No advice, just hugs and sympathy.
  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Umm, Stang? What happened to the stand-up routine?
  17. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry. I understand. There are many of us who share your pain, you are not alone. (((((((HUGS))))))))
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh that is so not good.
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    This place is called the Center for Reintegration. They have a website, an address, a community that helps people who have kids/ adults/ adolescents/ who have schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorders - get help and support. You can email them, or write them. I perused their site, and it seemed to have some cookie cutter "no stress" ideas, but also some good support and job suggestions, medications suggestions and help ideas for families facing what you're facing.

    You know, of course you are not alone. I can't elaborate, but 10-68 calls are NOT uncommon ( possible mental patient) Sig20 calls (transport mental patient, and S12 - (attempted suicides) are NOT uncommon, and the behind the scenes conversations have YET to even raise an eyebrow with this warrior Mom. (Not quite sure if I'm happy or sad to say that)

    I can't imagine the immeasurable stress you are facing dear one. If there were just a moment of "peace or level out" it would almost be tolerable. But he cycles too rapidly. I feel so badly for his mind, and your heart. It doesnt give you much of a chance to enjoy your son or like him while you love him. Frustrating at the least. Saddening and horrifying at best. I can't imagine what it's like to be trapped in his mind and have his thoughts, and see the world out of his eyes. There but for the Grace of God - go I...and how do I send strength to my friend so she can deal with her situation daily, minute by minute? (twists lips and exhales) I just don't know Stang.
    Thoughts of crushing up some medication and putting it into a cookie or something come to mind. (shakes head no).......shrugs.

    I'll just keep you all in my thoughts still........
    Hugs and love

    (thought) is there NO mental health or MENTOR group in your area that is able to take him like a few days a week or VOC rehab and work with him? Something he may be interested in? To keep his mind occupied?
  20. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I'm so sorry... No advice, words of wisdom, etc. Just many caring thoughts, hugs being sent your way... SFR