difficult child just doesn't get it...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Jul 27, 2012.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    After supper we talked about maybe next year for vacation, we might go to Denver, and she could attend a church camp, and little sis attend a week long service mission. Then the next week, they could switch places. Then husband and I could volunteer with at an organization we are familiar with. I thought it was a great plan. I thought she would think it was great. Her first words "why doesn't "A" have to wait to do the things I do? I am older and she shouldn't be able to do the same things." I explained that her camp would be for junior high, and hers would be for high school, and that the mission trip she did would involve going to different things because she would be older, and some agencies don't take junior high kids. Well, that isn't good enough for her. I guess we should lock little sis in a closet with some water, snacks and a bucket for a bathroom... then maybe, just maybe difficult child would be happy. difficult child actually said she needs to have 'special" things just for her so that easy child is envious of her!

    I get that difficult child will get to do some things before easy child... like driving, dating, school dances, etc. But it is not enough... it is like we should have some big activities that she gets to do (like fly somewhere and spend time a couple weeks with "her relatives" in another state.) I say "her relatives" because it is a big point to her that we aren't "blood" related. But her bio moms family is content with sending a birthday gift, a christmas gift, and an occasional phone call.

    Before she left for her overnight with a friend... I told her she needed to be a sister that little sis could admire not be envious of. They are almost exactly two years apart, and little sis is more mature, more trustworthy and more pleasant to be around. KSM
     
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I can't tell you how many times I've repeated to my difficult child, "Nobody ever said that life was fair."
    I hope she listens and wants to be the older sister to look up to.
     
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I have the opposite problem. Since mine are twins, difficult child 1 thinks he should have all the same everything including privileges that difficult child 2 has and that consequences should be the same and yada yada yada. He just doesn't get it that difficult child 2 is much more responsible and trustworthy where his is impulsive and unreliable. difficult child 2 will be driving and having later curfews than difficult child 1 for that reason and he will NEVER understand that. They are the same age don't ya know!! LOL
     
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I deal with this, too, bt it seems to rotate depending on difficult child's mood. One day things have to be exactly equal, and the next day he wants everything to be all about him and how he deserves mch more than easy child ever did. I don't think he gets it either. I've tried to explain to him that sometimes fair does not always mean equal, but he wants to hear none of it. If it can't be fair, the scales need to be tipped in his favor.
     
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Even with my difficult child being an only child in our home, we still had this pop up. In our case though it was because difficult child was special and had his own special set of rules because HE was a foster child. Never mind that he was officially adopted and all of the "special" rules koi went out the window. HE was special and should be able to do what he wants. He never did get it.
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    well this one will make your day....lol.

    My younger two boys are exactly two years apart and of course they always wanted things to be exactly fair,both of them. Well,sometimes natural things dont work out that way. Jamie being the older one went through puberty first and we arent exactly the most modest of families. When it happened, we all knew it. He was so proud when hair sprouted and when something else sprouted...well we all got the low down on that too...especially his younger brother!

    One day I found Cory in the bathroom in tears tugging on his private parts with some junk he had convinced someone to buy him from an adult store that promised to increase the size of your penis. I asked him what on earth are you doing? He said "its not fair, Jamie got to go through puberty first! I should get to do it at the same time!" LOL.

    I explained to him that he was two years younger and no matter what he did, nature was not going to be rushed. I promised him that he would also go through puberty and everything would even out (crossing my fingers there...lol) when they got to be teens and adults. They still do they "Im bigger, Im better" thing but I think that is just a male thing.
     
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Similar stuff here too. difficult child is 2 years and 3 months older. Puberty officially started for difficult child in the middle of 7th grade. For easy child, end of 5th grade. So even though they are over two years apart... only 6 months from the girly stuff starting up. Plus easy child is a little taller, a little heavier, and she has "filled" out a little more than difficult child. Which upsets difficult child when it comes to bra sizes.

    Actually everything upsets difficult child. easy child doesn't have fb or email yet. difficult child got those things at 13. easy child got back from camp and really wants an email address and I am inclined to set it up. I actually tried but didn't get it set up correctly. difficult child is upset. But, easy child is more trustworthy... When I set up difficult child's email and fb account - I had the passwords. She was OK with that. In two weeks, she changed it all so I wouldn't know the password. But she thinks it is awful that easy child doesn't have to wait longer for email. The thing with difficult child and fb... she has "friended" any one she could... and many of those people don't post appropriate things. I know that easy child will just want 20 to 25 real friends/relatives on fb. difficult child has close to 400 and doesn't "know" many of them and there are probably less than 10 that are true "friends".

    easy child got back from camp yesterday, and difficult child has had at least one meltdown yesterday and today. Can't wait for school to start. KSM
     
  8. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    i'm not sure if its that she doesnt get it or that she has a rigid sense of fairness....very black and white thinking. i know how annoying it can seem, but maybe its not willful.

    i was pretty fortunate that mine got taught the "life aint fair" mantra early on...she was in a class that had a miserable bat of a teacher and one day the kids were apparently obnoxious so she snapped and gave the whole class detention. only--mine wasnt IN class, she was at speech therapy. she still had to suffer the detention. (no, i wasnt too happy about it, but i thought it was a good lesson and i was right). we still refer to that day when i need to drive the "life aint fair" message home.

    as for 400 fb friends?

    normal. completely. the more the better. its irrelevent that she doesnt know most of them, lol...its a status thing in that age group.

    and between you and me, it never fails that the ones that are the most inappropriate are the ones they actually know, lol! its horrifying to a grown-up just how little of a filter even easy child's have today.
     
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