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Substance Abuse
difficult child....nature...nurture?
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 501077" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Hi Alabamagirl, </p><p></p><p>You ask an intersting question that opened up discussion between Mr LMS and Myself at 5am this morning, lol. </p><p></p><p>Mr LMS, who is a VERY smart man by the way, thinks it is all of the above...</p><p>He said he thinks the equation looks like this: </p><p></p><p>Nature + Nurture + My choices = My life</p><p></p><p>He said that he can certainly see a "Genetic Bend" in our difficult child's and they were not raised in a sub- abusing Environment and they have made Choices. </p><p></p><p>He said maybe from birth to say age 8 or 9 they are heavily influenced by BOTH nature and nurture...However, at the point they start making choices on their own and have to take responsibility for themselves...become culpable, They become willing participants in the evolution of their lives...where they end up. </p><p></p><p>What I find intersting...Is the characteristics that we saw in our own difficult child's when they were little. </p><p>Our easy child did NOT display any true "standout" characteristics as a child other than that she was morbidly stage frightend...but other than that I don't remember her having any overly unique obvious "quirks" if you will. Now, my easy child, has evolved into a Standout person. She is no longer afraid to take center stage and has become a shining Star in our family. </p><p>But...Both the difficult child's showed "heavy" genetic influence (that I can see from this vantage point) when they were little...</p><p>Oldest difficult child: Aggressive, A Leader, Stubborn, A Risk Taker (that "risk-taking" part we saw was Addiction in my opinion) extrovert. </p><p>Young difficult child: Very Creative, Sensitive to Noise, Obsessive, Anxious, "oblivious" Stubborn, a Risk Taker, Introvert</p><p></p><p>We now have 2 beautiful grandchildren that we are actively involved with. </p><p>We see "genetic" characteristics evolving particularly in our 2 yr old granddaughter. </p><p>She is Aggressive, Stubborn and a Risk Taker. </p><p>We are concerned. </p><p>But as is stated above...At some point our Own Choices, that we are fully responsible for (especially at age 18 when parents "choices for us" are no longer the rule) CAN supercede any Genetic Bend. </p><p></p><p>Now, husband and I, Both agree that it can be a difficult struggle to overcome genetic "bends" "tendencies" etc. But, It CAN BE DONE. </p><p></p><p>Honestly, with all the Rehab, AA, Hospitalisations, Counceling, medication therapy, Jail, Church, School, Home, sports, special classes for talents, etc...Environmental Influences that husband and I gave BOTH of our difficult child's...Our difficult child's Have -NO EXCUSE-! </p><p>They are BOTH fully aware of our Genetics including Mental Illness as well as Addiction.</p><p></p><p>As the saying goes...</p><p>"Where this is Knowledge there is Power" and husband and I Both believe this to be absolutely true for our difficult child's lives. </p><p></p><p>I hope this helps. </p><p>It certainly opened up a lively discussion for husband and I early this morning and Honestly helped me feel better considering our Young difficult child is facing a Prison Sentence (to be delivered on Wednesday). </p><p>I am reminded that Young difficult child bears responsibility in all of this. </p><p>Thank you Alabamagirl for gettin me to "think" and not just "feel" because the Mommy heart of me is absolutely broken...but the "logic" side in discussing this with husband has really eased some of that pain this morning. </p><p></p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 501077, member: 3305"] Hi Alabamagirl, You ask an intersting question that opened up discussion between Mr LMS and Myself at 5am this morning, lol. Mr LMS, who is a VERY smart man by the way, thinks it is all of the above... He said he thinks the equation looks like this: Nature + Nurture + My choices = My life He said that he can certainly see a "Genetic Bend" in our difficult child's and they were not raised in a sub- abusing Environment and they have made Choices. He said maybe from birth to say age 8 or 9 they are heavily influenced by BOTH nature and nurture...However, at the point they start making choices on their own and have to take responsibility for themselves...become culpable, They become willing participants in the evolution of their lives...where they end up. What I find intersting...Is the characteristics that we saw in our own difficult child's when they were little. Our easy child did NOT display any true "standout" characteristics as a child other than that she was morbidly stage frightend...but other than that I don't remember her having any overly unique obvious "quirks" if you will. Now, my easy child, has evolved into a Standout person. She is no longer afraid to take center stage and has become a shining Star in our family. But...Both the difficult child's showed "heavy" genetic influence (that I can see from this vantage point) when they were little... Oldest difficult child: Aggressive, A Leader, Stubborn, A Risk Taker (that "risk-taking" part we saw was Addiction in my opinion) extrovert. Young difficult child: Very Creative, Sensitive to Noise, Obsessive, Anxious, "oblivious" Stubborn, a Risk Taker, Introvert We now have 2 beautiful grandchildren that we are actively involved with. We see "genetic" characteristics evolving particularly in our 2 yr old granddaughter. She is Aggressive, Stubborn and a Risk Taker. We are concerned. But as is stated above...At some point our Own Choices, that we are fully responsible for (especially at age 18 when parents "choices for us" are no longer the rule) CAN supercede any Genetic Bend. Now, husband and I, Both agree that it can be a difficult struggle to overcome genetic "bends" "tendencies" etc. But, It CAN BE DONE. Honestly, with all the Rehab, AA, Hospitalisations, Counceling, medication therapy, Jail, Church, School, Home, sports, special classes for talents, etc...Environmental Influences that husband and I gave BOTH of our difficult child's...Our difficult child's Have -NO EXCUSE-! They are BOTH fully aware of our Genetics including Mental Illness as well as Addiction. As the saying goes... "Where this is Knowledge there is Power" and husband and I Both believe this to be absolutely true for our difficult child's lives. I hope this helps. It certainly opened up a lively discussion for husband and I early this morning and Honestly helped me feel better considering our Young difficult child is facing a Prison Sentence (to be delivered on Wednesday). I am reminded that Young difficult child bears responsibility in all of this. Thank you Alabamagirl for gettin me to "think" and not just "feel" because the Mommy heart of me is absolutely broken...but the "logic" side in discussing this with husband has really eased some of that pain this morning. LMS [/QUOTE]
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