difficult child on every page of Autism Spectrum Disorders

[TerryJ2]

... by Chantal Sicile-Kira.
I love this book!
I've underlined and dogeared nearly every page.
If difficult child isn't on the spectrum, what the heck. This book is so useful and so validating, I don't care.
Temper tantrums, hyperactivity and aggression are a "yes" in this book and with-my difficult child. As are other issues, particularly social ... last night at baseball practice, I noticed that the coach gathered everyone for a huddle, and difficult child was standing outside the group about 4 ft away. He didn't join them until the coach insisted they all reach in with-their arms to the center and do their cheer. He participated and laughed ... but it was so obvious that he had to be prodded more than the others. Just one of many things ...
I'm learning that when he shouts it doesn't mean he's mad. (Usually.) He just doesn't "get" voice modulation. I used to take it personally and tell him he was being disrespectful. Now I tell him to please lower his voice and I continue with-regular activities.
If it weren't for books like this, our household would be even more stressed that it already is.

One thing that was interesting was the link between spectrum disorders and constant diarrhea and stomach upsets. The author theorizes/hypothesizes that autistic children have poor immune systems and an inability to detoxify, which is a neurological deficit that may be triggered by environmental factors. (Such as plastics or mercury, which could trigger the spectrum to begin with, or allergies to milk and wheat later on.) I've always thought that but it's great to see it validated.

She's got great suggestions--Videotape your child; do whatever you can to interact with-your child; take care of yourself; seek out positive people.
She covers everything from causes (hypothetical) to support groups to grief and loss of "normal" parenting, to occupational therapy.

Unfortunately I can't really share the book with-my husband because he's as sick of talking about all of this as I am excited about it, but I'm glad I have all of you.

 

[house of cards]

I just bought the book. My youngest most likely is somewhere on the spectrum and some of my other kids have a few quirks. I also bought the book with 1001 things to do for/ with your spectrum kids, I'll let you know if I like it.

 

[1 Day At a Time]

Terry,

She also has written a book entitled "Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum". It has been very helpful to us.

It's literally amazing how much this information can help some of the frustrations melt away!

 

[totoro]

I am a firm believer in the therapies and *things* that work for kids on the Spectrum. Even if you child is just having issues, because it is a spectrum, it encompasses so many levels and degrees. It can't hurt! For any of our kids.

 

[BusynMember]

I thought he sounded like an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid. I don't believe it's caused by mercury or the environment, and never bothered with that with my son (and he still is doing great), but sounds like a very informative book. I highly recommend trying to get the diagnosis. because it opens up a world of interventions. When son only had ADHD/ODD diagnosis and later on bipolar, we got nowhere with school interventions unless I called the Dept. of Public Ed and made a big deal about it. We knew he was on the spectrum, but couldn't get anyone to diagnose him. Still, we stuck with "If it walks like a duck..." He is indeed on the Spectrum. I talked to his teachers today. He is only labled Learning Disability (LD) now and is completely mainstreamed, although he does get "study skills" in his study hall with the other Learning Disability (LD) kids. The teacher was beaming--she is in charge of him per his IEP. She said he is getting A's and B's in all his classes, that every teacher reports he's doing great, participates in class (you have no idea how far he's come to be doing this), has friends he eats lunch with (ditto. He used to walk around the playground in his own little world) and that the feel he is very smart (he was tested at school with an IQ of 75. Lots of times Spectrum kids test low because they can't follow instructions). My son's interventions from early on really paid off. Even if you can't get the diagnosis, well, heck he HAS all the symptoms. Make sure he gets speech, social skills, Occupational Therapist (OT) and PT if necessary and somebody to help explain his school work to him in a way he can understand. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids have a bright future. in my opinion, focus more of the interventions than the Mercury and stuff--that's just one theory that many in the medical community think just isn't true. You can do both at the same time, if you believe this is a factor, however, don't just focus on the diets and make sure he gets every morsel of help he can get in school!!!! Follow your mom gut.

 

[susiestar]

I think it sounds like a great book. My own difficult child is also totally mainstreamed and it is a HUGE accomplishment. He is totally iwth other kids for the day, AND not in jail. We were pretty sure it would be one or the other at several points.

Interventions are EVERYTHING - fight as hard as you have to and get them in place.

I think it is sad that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis's open up doors that other diagnosis's like bipolar don't. Esp because some of the same interventions can really help other disorders.

I am sorry your husband doesn't want to hear about any of this. Hopefully you can manage to get the main points of the more helpful things across to him. At one point I negotiated a set time every week to talk about "this stuff" with my husband. This stuff being aspergers and interventions needed/given at school. Just having 30 minutes twice a week really really helped our marriage. Some weeks we needed a lot more, some weeks we needed less, but knowing when we were going to discuss things really helped us both. Well, it helped me shut up about it, and helped open his ears and keep him from walking into another room to get away from it.Know what I mean??

Thanks for sharing the book with us.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all.


And thank you for a great suggestion, Susie. I think I do need to shut up, and husband needs to meet me halfway.

 

[Marguerite]

Terry, it's a bloke thing. They often don't like talking about things, they need to be DOING. I'm lucky that husband is as much of a SNAG as he is, but he still doesn't like talking over and over about things.

I'm a fairly pragmatic person, I 'get' where he's coming form, but sometimes we DO have to talk.

The other thing - husband lurks on this site constantly. He mostly searches for my posts so he can read what I'm saying in response to other people. He has told me - he reads the initial post on a thread, then dashes to where I've responded. Nothing in between. He mostly lacks time, but I think he would find it tedious to read absolutely everything, because he IS a doer, and not an analyser.

He also will immediately discuss with me anything I might have said that he doesn't understand or feels I got wrong, or is concerned about.

Although I would have said before finding this site that he and I communicate really well, it couldn't be better - well now it is.

He used to use my log-in but it was really messing up with the indications on the site that tell me if I've already read the latest updates, so he joined the site in his own right. He doesn't often post, but if there's something he wants to add, he feels comfortable about doing so now.

I'm glad to have him on board.

This is where we are now, also from a point of "why talk about this over and over, if we can't do anything about it?"

Susie's suggestion of setting aside a couple of times a week to talk about 'kid' issues is a good one - this happened naturally for me & husband, because he would come home from work and we would take (or try to take) ten minutes to each debrief on our day. I made sure I listened to him complain about his work problems, he then listened to me about any school/kid problems. Often we'd have kids pounding on the door or screaming in the background which made it difficult. husband needed these wind-downs - he would make his cup of tea first, then he's relax back with his cuppa while we talked together for those few minutes.

So if you give this a try - make it mutual. He needs YOU to listen to HIM. It also teaches him to talk, as well as to listen - something else a lot of blokes aren't good at, although it would be healthier for them if they were.

Marg

 

[TerryJ2]

"why talk about this over and over, if we can't do anything about it?"

This is definitely where my husband is coming from.
I, on the other hand, like to discuss it ... I'm just an information person, I guess.

I'm glad your husband is online and on board. My husband hates computers and hates bb's even more. Sigh.
So, we will set aside a cpl of times to talk ea wk.

 

[Marguerite]

Good luck. I hope it works.

Just because a guy can't mesh with his female partner's mind doesn't mean he doesn't care. it's just that the blokes generally have a different way of dealing with their problems.

husband was going to buy a Christmas present for his mother. He knew she liked the perfume "Joy" and had the perfume, the eu de cologne and atomiser, so he figured she would like the dusting powder. He walked up to the perfume counter of our big swanky department store and totally flummoxed the assistant, who was ready to dazzle him with her knowledge of perfumes and share her samples. He just said, "Do you have the "Joy" dusting powder?"
"Certainly sir..." she began...
"Good. I'll buy it. Here's my credit card. Please wrap it."

He totally took the wind out of her sails (sales).

Then as we left the store, husband couldn't understand why I was still laughing!

Marg

 

[TerryJ2]

Heh heh.
Not bad!
I made my husband go into Victoria's Secret once to buy a birthday gift for one of my friends. He will never, ever let me forget that!!!