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difficult child on every page of Autism Spectrum Disorders
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 196130" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Terry, it's a bloke thing. They often don't like talking about things, they need to be DOING. I'm lucky that husband is as much of a SNAG as he is, but he still doesn't like talking over and over about things.</p><p></p><p>I'm a fairly pragmatic person, I 'get' where he's coming form, but sometimes we DO have to talk.</p><p></p><p>The other thing - husband lurks on this site constantly. He mostly searches for my posts so he can read what I'm saying in response to other people. He has told me - he reads the initial post on a thread, then dashes to where I've responded. Nothing in between. He mostly lacks time, but I think he would find it tedious to read absolutely everything, because he IS a doer, and not an analyser.</p><p></p><p>He also will immediately discuss with me anything I might have said that he doesn't understand or feels I got wrong, or is concerned about. </p><p></p><p>Although I would have said before finding this site that he and I communicate really well, it couldn't be better - well now it is. </p><p></p><p>He used to use my log-in but it was really messing up with the indications on the site that tell me if I've already read the latest updates, so he joined the site in his own right. He doesn't often post, but if there's something he wants to add, he feels comfortable about doing so now. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad to have him on board.</p><p></p><p>This is where we are now, also from a point of "why talk about this over and over, if we can't do anything about it?"</p><p></p><p>Susie's suggestion of setting aside a couple of times a week to talk about 'kid' issues is a good one - this happened naturally for me & husband, because he would come home from work and we would take (or try to take) ten minutes to each debrief on our day. I made sure I listened to him complain about his work problems, he then listened to me about any school/kid problems. Often we'd have kids pounding on the door or screaming in the background which made it difficult. husband needed these wind-downs - he would make his cup of tea first, then he's relax back with his cuppa while we talked together for those few minutes.</p><p></p><p>So if you give this a try - make it mutual. He needs YOU to listen to HIM. It also teaches him to talk, as well as to listen - something else a lot of blokes aren't good at, although it would be healthier for them if they were.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 196130, member: 1991"] Terry, it's a bloke thing. They often don't like talking about things, they need to be DOING. I'm lucky that husband is as much of a SNAG as he is, but he still doesn't like talking over and over about things. I'm a fairly pragmatic person, I 'get' where he's coming form, but sometimes we DO have to talk. The other thing - husband lurks on this site constantly. He mostly searches for my posts so he can read what I'm saying in response to other people. He has told me - he reads the initial post on a thread, then dashes to where I've responded. Nothing in between. He mostly lacks time, but I think he would find it tedious to read absolutely everything, because he IS a doer, and not an analyser. He also will immediately discuss with me anything I might have said that he doesn't understand or feels I got wrong, or is concerned about. Although I would have said before finding this site that he and I communicate really well, it couldn't be better - well now it is. He used to use my log-in but it was really messing up with the indications on the site that tell me if I've already read the latest updates, so he joined the site in his own right. He doesn't often post, but if there's something he wants to add, he feels comfortable about doing so now. I'm glad to have him on board. This is where we are now, also from a point of "why talk about this over and over, if we can't do anything about it?" Susie's suggestion of setting aside a couple of times a week to talk about 'kid' issues is a good one - this happened naturally for me & husband, because he would come home from work and we would take (or try to take) ten minutes to each debrief on our day. I made sure I listened to him complain about his work problems, he then listened to me about any school/kid problems. Often we'd have kids pounding on the door or screaming in the background which made it difficult. husband needed these wind-downs - he would make his cup of tea first, then he's relax back with his cuppa while we talked together for those few minutes. So if you give this a try - make it mutual. He needs YOU to listen to HIM. It also teaches him to talk, as well as to listen - something else a lot of blokes aren't good at, although it would be healthier for them if they were. Marg [/QUOTE]
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