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difficult child on self destruct
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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 159058" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>I think that you are already making steps in the right direction.</p><p></p><p>It is SO hard when they won't talk to you. She is obviously hurting. </p><p></p><p>Make a date with her to sit down and set up some ground rules. I also like Star's idea about DV counselling, you might use that as a condition. Give her a list of rules that she must follow. "You must do this this and this in order to stay here". Set a goal date for her, "you have to have a job and need to be paying this much in rent by this date". Let her know what will not be allowed. "There is to be none of this, none of that, and none of the other under my roof". Let her know that you are on her side. But tell her that you have an entire house to run, and she cannot be the center of it.</p><p></p><p>Give her a chance to respond and maybe even negotiate. And let her know that if she does this, you will do that, if she does NOT do that, you will do this, and let her know (in writing) what will be grounds for being kicked out of the home.</p><p></p><p>This way you have had a heart to heart (even if it is only one sided) and you let her know that you are on her side. You are giving her the chance to function as a member of the family. And you are letting her know which behaviors will not be tolerated.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully you will never come to the point where you have to throw her out. If you ever do, you will know that you did everything that you possibly could.</p><p></p><p>Keep coming back to the board. (((((((hugs)))))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 159058, member: 3647"] I think that you are already making steps in the right direction. It is SO hard when they won't talk to you. She is obviously hurting. Make a date with her to sit down and set up some ground rules. I also like Star's idea about DV counselling, you might use that as a condition. Give her a list of rules that she must follow. "You must do this this and this in order to stay here". Set a goal date for her, "you have to have a job and need to be paying this much in rent by this date". Let her know what will not be allowed. "There is to be none of this, none of that, and none of the other under my roof". Let her know that you are on her side. But tell her that you have an entire house to run, and she cannot be the center of it. Give her a chance to respond and maybe even negotiate. And let her know that if she does this, you will do that, if she does NOT do that, you will do this, and let her know (in writing) what will be grounds for being kicked out of the home. This way you have had a heart to heart (even if it is only one sided) and you let her know that you are on her side. You are giving her the chance to function as a member of the family. And you are letting her know which behaviors will not be tolerated. Hopefully you will never come to the point where you have to throw her out. If you ever do, you will know that you did everything that you possibly could. Keep coming back to the board. (((((((hugs))))))) [/QUOTE]
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