difficult child Playing The Blame Game

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Apr 5, 2012.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    They kids started spring break today. Before 9:00 am I had to break up the first fight. I put both of the kids in their rooms and warned them that they had better cool their jets or else they would be spending the entire break sitting on their beds doing absolutely nothing. After difficult child calmed down a little he came down to talk to me and tell me he was sorry, but, of course, gave me this whole lecture about how it wasn't his fault. I very calmly told him that I was listening to the whole thing, and while I agree with him that easy child threw the first punch, it was difficult child antagonizing him that started it. If he had just kept his mouth closed easy child would not have gotten angry at him, and I told difficult child that he was bothering his brother on purpose to annoy him (which he actually admitted to) and I told him that I think that he did it because he knew it would bother his brother to the point that easy child would fight with him and then difficult child vould hit him back and claim that easy child started it. If he hasn't been so mean to easy child nothing would have happened.

    His reply is that he is a mean person and it's all MY fault. If I wasn't such mean mother he would be a nicer person.

    Lord, please give me strength!
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh my does THAT sound familiar!!!

    The way we've had to handle school breaks is to schedule separate activities and /or arrange a joint activity directed by an adult. For example, we might spend thirty minutes playing a board game all together....then it is time for a separate game, such as each child can go play a computer game....then it is time for us all to do something together again...etc.

    I just couldn't leave them to find their own activity or else difficult child would get bored and go picking at her brother for entertainment.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    At the time the problem started easy child was supposed to be getting dressed so that we could go out and run the errands I needed to do. I guess you culd say that they were supposed to be separated.

    Right now, all is calm. husband will be home from work tomorrow and difficult child and I are going to start baking desserts for Easter tomorrow as well. Next week easy child is going to a friend's house to play one day and he will be going to an open hockey session another day. His friend is supposed to come over another day. I asked difficult child what he wants to do over the break and if he wants to have any friends come over to hang out, but as usual, his answer is, "I don't know!! Why are you bothering me with this stuff?" So much for trying to get a handle on the schedule for the week.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Did I mention that *I* was the one who always had to choose all the activities? I think if our difficult children were able to come up with ideas for themselves, there wouldn't be so much conflict because they wouldn't get bored so easily...
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If my difficult child hadn't had so many doors slammed in his face (at school) for so many years... he'd be full of ideas, and gung ho to execute them. But... when everything you've tried for how many years either flops or backfires... he has run out of any interest in pursuing... so yes, WE have to do all the planning. What gets ME mad is that it didn't have to go this way... (Our difficult child wasn't born with behaviour issues - they developed because of how his real issues were handled by school and medical teams.)

    But I do understand how hard it is to be ALWAYS having to find stuff for them to do, and figure out who goes where, when, and getting buy-in, and... paying for it all...
  6. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    You are not alone! That's about exactly how it is in our house too. It is never difficult child's fault! He is never to blame ( according to him) and no matter how you replay the situation to get him to understand, he just doesn't get it or does not want to try to get it. Very frustrating! For example, if he throws a nerf ball and it knocks over a cup of juice, he gets angry because someone left the juice on the table and it should not have been there! Never mind he should not have been throwing the ball in the house! Instead of apologizing or just cleaning it up, he will go on and on about who the "idiot" was that left the cup there! Ya gotta love it!
    difficult child and easy child fight constantly and again, sad to say it is because difficult child instigates! He just can not leave easy child alone. He encourages easy child to play with him and then if he doesn't like how easy child is playing, difficult child gets angry and at times aggressive with easy child. Sadly, I do my best to keep them from playing together but I am not often successful. And now that easy child is getting older and wiser, he many times tells difficult child "no" that he does not want to play with him and yup, you guessed it, difficult child gets furious and does not get why! Duh....maybe if he was nicer! But again,difficult child insists he does try to be nice but easy child just makes him mad and he can't help himself when he loses his patience!
    We too just started spring break and I am dreading it. I do try to plan things but now the problem is with almost a 6 yr age difference between my boys, difficult child complains that whatever easy child wants to do is boring and he refuses to go so we can't go and leave difficult child alone. Not all things difficult child wants to do are OK for easy child or things I want to do like hit baseballs around or shoot basketballs, etc..
    I too try to encourage difficult child to call a friend but he is lazy and most of the time won't. He wants someone to call him! He wants me to play with him constantly but I tell him I am not a "full time friend". Besides, even trying to play a game as a whole family gets rough because difficult child is always annoyed at something and things get nasty! Not easy! I am counting the days until school begins again!

  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Jan, are you sure where not raising the same kid? LOL!!