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difficult child spent his first night in Juvenille Detention...I had to call 911
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 419547" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi! </p><p> </p><p>I think you need help. (Oh really Star- duh?) yup. You have a family in crisis, and a son on the very edge of going one way or the other here so do you want to help him or do you want to just see what happens? You have a good start with anger management classes - follow it up with additional therapy for YOU and for HIM. Both separate and TOGETHER. Yes - Once for him, one for you and one for BOTH of you as a family. THREE times a week if you can get it. How long? Until you see results - years. You have no idea why he is so angry, it's going to take a long time to get to the bottom of it - and you are going to need the help of a professional to help you both sort it out and WORK on your problems. </p><p> </p><p>Currently? You are fighting upstream without any assistance and dragging 2 other kids with you through this. Either they are going to be damaged from this too, or be like him. Imagine a house with two more like him and ask yourself in two more years how that will be. Then ask yourself if therapy that many times a week now is worth it. No, I'm not being sarcastic a bit. Medications only help our kids help themselves work through things - and no he isn't going to enjoy going (more than likely) and he isn't going to seem to be getting a "ton" out of it - but YOU will and you are establishing a pattern of THIS IS WHAT WE DO and it's OKAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. </p><p> </p><p>Anger therapy/management will help him gain tools eventually to learn HOW to walk away or how to not engage in bickering - how to cope. It won't work if there is still a parent in the house that is not being pro active in the same type of anger management and has to be authoritarian. I can tell you that for sure. I was a lot like that. I wanted it my way, I wanted it now, I didn't think it had to be that way all the time - but I had that "I'm the parent, I'm the Mom that's why attitude, and it does NOT work with difficult child's...so no matter HOW much my son got in anger management I still rubbed him the wrong way." </p><p> </p><p>That's when I started taking a course in effective communication and I believe EVERY single parent should take this course, and revisit it, and learn how to say what you mean, but in a way that a child can understand and want to communicate with you. It's incredible. I didn't even know I could say something that was a back handed compliment, and engage him in battle. I recommend a book in the mean time called "How to talk to your kid so he will listen and how to Listen so he will talk." it is incredible. Skim it - and start doing the work. You know all those commercials where the guy says I guarantee you will be start talking to your child and see results? this is all that is. Learning how to communicate effectively. Sounds crazy but most people do not know how to talk to their kids - OUR kids without pushing buttons. We THINK we're saying the right thigns and we are not. Nuts huh? </p><p> </p><p>Once I read this book and put it to use? It was like night and day - just talking was better. It's not a miracle or anything but talking to my kid was way better. Getting him to listen to me was WAY easier. Non-confrontational lots better. </p><p> </p><p>I'm sending you hugs because I've been there. </p><p> </p><p>I'd also put things up that you value - and take away things like scissors, and knives - anything sharp. Lock up valuables 0r anything you cherish. If he thinks you care about it? he will ruin it - he'll feel sorry later, but he'll use it now to hurt. Stuff like that I still have boxed up lol and mines been out of the house for years. I'm sure moving day will be like - OH I forgot all about it. </p><p> </p><p>And don't threatin - keep up the good work - YOu did do right you know. It does hoover - but you can't begin to know the message you've sent and how valuable it is. Doesn't seem like it when you get ZIPOLA for backing from the law - (nice huh) thanks for nuttin......then all of a sudden they want to crucify him for taking a pencil from the school cafeterial.....amazing. (said under breath) idiots. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 419547, member: 4964"] Hi! I think you need help. (Oh really Star- duh?) yup. You have a family in crisis, and a son on the very edge of going one way or the other here so do you want to help him or do you want to just see what happens? You have a good start with anger management classes - follow it up with additional therapy for YOU and for HIM. Both separate and TOGETHER. Yes - Once for him, one for you and one for BOTH of you as a family. THREE times a week if you can get it. How long? Until you see results - years. You have no idea why he is so angry, it's going to take a long time to get to the bottom of it - and you are going to need the help of a professional to help you both sort it out and WORK on your problems. Currently? You are fighting upstream without any assistance and dragging 2 other kids with you through this. Either they are going to be damaged from this too, or be like him. Imagine a house with two more like him and ask yourself in two more years how that will be. Then ask yourself if therapy that many times a week now is worth it. No, I'm not being sarcastic a bit. Medications only help our kids help themselves work through things - and no he isn't going to enjoy going (more than likely) and he isn't going to seem to be getting a "ton" out of it - but YOU will and you are establishing a pattern of THIS IS WHAT WE DO and it's OKAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. Anger therapy/management will help him gain tools eventually to learn HOW to walk away or how to not engage in bickering - how to cope. It won't work if there is still a parent in the house that is not being pro active in the same type of anger management and has to be authoritarian. I can tell you that for sure. I was a lot like that. I wanted it my way, I wanted it now, I didn't think it had to be that way all the time - but I had that "I'm the parent, I'm the Mom that's why attitude, and it does NOT work with difficult child's...so no matter HOW much my son got in anger management I still rubbed him the wrong way." That's when I started taking a course in effective communication and I believe EVERY single parent should take this course, and revisit it, and learn how to say what you mean, but in a way that a child can understand and want to communicate with you. It's incredible. I didn't even know I could say something that was a back handed compliment, and engage him in battle. I recommend a book in the mean time called "How to talk to your kid so he will listen and how to Listen so he will talk." it is incredible. Skim it - and start doing the work. You know all those commercials where the guy says I guarantee you will be start talking to your child and see results? this is all that is. Learning how to communicate effectively. Sounds crazy but most people do not know how to talk to their kids - OUR kids without pushing buttons. We THINK we're saying the right thigns and we are not. Nuts huh? Once I read this book and put it to use? It was like night and day - just talking was better. It's not a miracle or anything but talking to my kid was way better. Getting him to listen to me was WAY easier. Non-confrontational lots better. I'm sending you hugs because I've been there. I'd also put things up that you value - and take away things like scissors, and knives - anything sharp. Lock up valuables 0r anything you cherish. If he thinks you care about it? he will ruin it - he'll feel sorry later, but he'll use it now to hurt. Stuff like that I still have boxed up lol and mines been out of the house for years. I'm sure moving day will be like - OH I forgot all about it. And don't threatin - keep up the good work - YOu did do right you know. It does hoover - but you can't begin to know the message you've sent and how valuable it is. Doesn't seem like it when you get ZIPOLA for backing from the law - (nice huh) thanks for nuttin......then all of a sudden they want to crucify him for taking a pencil from the school cafeterial.....amazing. (said under breath) idiots. Hugs & love Star [/QUOTE]
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difficult child spent his first night in Juvenille Detention...I had to call 911
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