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difficult child strikes again!
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 606445" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>JKF, if you can...give yourself a moment to name the emotions surrounding what has happened. And then, envision putting those feelings away. Put them in a soundproof box and close the lid. Lock it. Once you are left with just the facts, once you have it to the bare bones of "this is what is happening, right now" you will see how different it feels to see what is happening without attaching the overwhelming emotional burdens of shock or betrayal or anger or...love, or fear.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Once you have taken every action you know to help your son, then you need, with determined intent, to love him and let go. With determined intent, you need to reclaim the wonder of being alive this morning, and you need to repeat to yourself that you are choosing to believe for the best. Even if you don't feel that way right now, try making those kinds of positive statements. Write it ten times in your journal. Even writing it three times will help your brain stop circling endlessly through worry and rage and fear and hope and pain.</p><p></p><p>The kids are going to do what they are going to do. Once we have given our best advice, once we have done what we know and are willing to do, then we need to learn to be smart. Really, really smart. We need to monitor our inner dialogues ruthlessly. Negative thinking needs to be countered with "I am believing for the best." </p><p></p><p>In this way, we can recover our equilibrium sooner. </p><p></p><p>I have wasted so much of my precious lifetime in depression ~ in agony really, over my kids. I wish I had those years back. All the things I might have done, might have accomplished...but I worried myself sick over them, instead. I researched endlessly, wrote it all down, sent it to them.</p><p></p><p>It was quite the joke in our family.</p><p></p><p>But it becomes less and less funny to me, as I realize that I wasted the strongest years of my lifetime grieving things I'd lost. If I had it to do again (and it seems like we always get another shot) I would help where I could, but I would do everything in my power not to lose my own life to depression or worry.</p><p></p><p>Here is something that helped me:</p><p></p><p>I DECLARE I will speak only positive words of faith and victory over myself, my family, and my future. I will not use my words to describe the situation. I will use my words to change the situation. I will call in favor, good breaks, healing, and restoration. I will not talk to God about how big my problems are. I will talk to my problems about how big my God is. This is my declaration.</p><p></p><p>Joel Osteen</p><p>I Declare</p><p></p><p>Another thing that helped me is Recovering's post on judgment. The essence of the post demonstrated the thought process behind believing in some grand plan, in some purpose we cannot understand. In the post, bad or good things would happen. A judgment would be made as to whether the incident had been a good thing, or a bad thing. The main person's response was always, "Maybe yes, maybe no." Time would pass, and it would turn out that, whatever the incident looked like at the time, it led to other incidents which changed what had initially seemed good into something bad, and vice versa.</p><p></p><p>That is how it is in life, too.</p><p></p><p>If we can learn to cut away the judgments we make about what is going to happen next, we cut away the fear and anger, too.</p><p></p><p>We haven't changed the situation. (But then, we never did have that power.) But we have changed our response. Suddenly, we can see without the fog created by our emotions. We begin to feel compassion for our kids. Their paths are tough, and they won't, or can't, listen.</p><p></p><p>All we can do then is love them.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry JKF, that this is happening to your boy.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 606445, member: 1721"] JKF, if you can...give yourself a moment to name the emotions surrounding what has happened. And then, envision putting those feelings away. Put them in a soundproof box and close the lid. Lock it. Once you are left with just the facts, once you have it to the bare bones of "this is what is happening, right now" you will see how different it feels to see what is happening without attaching the overwhelming emotional burdens of shock or betrayal or anger or...love, or fear. It is what it is. Once you have taken every action you know to help your son, then you need, with determined intent, to love him and let go. With determined intent, you need to reclaim the wonder of being alive this morning, and you need to repeat to yourself that you are choosing to believe for the best. Even if you don't feel that way right now, try making those kinds of positive statements. Write it ten times in your journal. Even writing it three times will help your brain stop circling endlessly through worry and rage and fear and hope and pain. The kids are going to do what they are going to do. Once we have given our best advice, once we have done what we know and are willing to do, then we need to learn to be smart. Really, really smart. We need to monitor our inner dialogues ruthlessly. Negative thinking needs to be countered with "I am believing for the best." In this way, we can recover our equilibrium sooner. I have wasted so much of my precious lifetime in depression ~ in agony really, over my kids. I wish I had those years back. All the things I might have done, might have accomplished...but I worried myself sick over them, instead. I researched endlessly, wrote it all down, sent it to them. It was quite the joke in our family. But it becomes less and less funny to me, as I realize that I wasted the strongest years of my lifetime grieving things I'd lost. If I had it to do again (and it seems like we always get another shot) I would help where I could, but I would do everything in my power not to lose my own life to depression or worry. Here is something that helped me: I DECLARE I will speak only positive words of faith and victory over myself, my family, and my future. I will not use my words to describe the situation. I will use my words to change the situation. I will call in favor, good breaks, healing, and restoration. I will not talk to God about how big my problems are. I will talk to my problems about how big my God is. This is my declaration. Joel Osteen I Declare Another thing that helped me is Recovering's post on judgment. The essence of the post demonstrated the thought process behind believing in some grand plan, in some purpose we cannot understand. In the post, bad or good things would happen. A judgment would be made as to whether the incident had been a good thing, or a bad thing. The main person's response was always, "Maybe yes, maybe no." Time would pass, and it would turn out that, whatever the incident looked like at the time, it led to other incidents which changed what had initially seemed good into something bad, and vice versa. That is how it is in life, too. If we can learn to cut away the judgments we make about what is going to happen next, we cut away the fear and anger, too. We haven't changed the situation. (But then, we never did have that power.) But we have changed our response. Suddenly, we can see without the fog created by our emotions. We begin to feel compassion for our kids. Their paths are tough, and they won't, or can't, listen. All we can do then is love them. I'm sorry JKF, that this is happening to your boy. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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