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difficult child Thanksgiving
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640692" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The biggest myth on earth is that ONLY family is always there for us and will love us and be there for us no matter what. This is true in some families now. If I took a rough guess I'd say families that are really pure love without rancor, forgiving, and without sibling rivalry would be maybe 40% and that could be generous.</p><p></p><p>In fact, most of us talking to a therapist about abuse are talking about our families of origin. They hurt us more often and often on purpose than any others. We are told we have to love our family...our parents, our siblings, our aunts, our cousins...we are guilted into relationships with people who treat us like dirt. The reason is nothing more than sharing DNA. Because of this it is considered not nice to want to never see your brother, aunt, mother, father's new honey bunny, sister, or father even if there was extreme abuse of us by them. We are told we are bad if we don't love and forgive them, no matter what. We hear, "It IS your mother" (meaning, she WAS the one who gave birth to you.) I say...so? A true mother, in the sense the word was meant to be, is nurturing, kind and tries to show her love. A mother is not normally seen as one who belittles you, beats you, starves you, calls you names, tells you how inferior you are to your DNA siblings, is totally disrespectful of you as a little person. A father doesn't climb into bed with his daughter and say he is showing his love. He doesn't scream at his chld, belittle, call names, or slap around...at least, this is not what we normally mean when we think of the word father. Too often, though, this IS what a mother or a father are to a small child and it never goes away unless we learn how to move on...with help. It is hard to do ourselves.</p><p></p><p>We even forgive them for no other reason than we were created in a person's womb and delivered by a man's sperm, certainly usually not in a sacred act that was known to be creating us. We are born at random.</p><p></p><p>These two truths...that some woman had us in her womb and some man had some good sex and hit the egg is not a realistic or sensible reason to have to love those people. And the fact that a few other spersms and eggs were created by the same people also doesn't guarantee they will be good people or that we have to love them, but it is almost sacrilegious to think that you don't even LIKE them, let alone love them. I have thought about this a lot. So I should love my abusive sister, who calls me crazy and borderline and says I'm loony every time she doesn't agree with me, just because she was created by the same two goofy people I was. She cuts me off for months or years, but she is my sister and we sort of look alike so I have to love her or I am a bad person. I am supposed to love my mother who gave birth to me just because...even though she told anyone who would listen how horrible I was and deliberately turned the rest of my crazed DNA collection against me...and they all let her do it. I'm supposed to love her even though she didn't even acknowledge me as her daughter at death. But she gave birth to me. How nice of her (like she had a choice here...this was pre-abortion) and for that I need to love her or I'm a bad person.</p><p></p><p>Long ago I questioned those beliefs. It never made sense to me why some people take care of their elderly mothers to their deaths while being abused and cussed at and even disinherited after they, and they alone, made sure Mom or Dad was comfortable in those last years...and favorred Sis and Bro let you do it and did nothing to help, but got all the kudos. That makes no sense to me.</p><p></p><p>But I weird. I ask a lot of questions <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I think too much, or so I've been told. And I'm too logical.</p><p></p><p>Even in this day and age people are brainwashed into having to love all of their DNA members. THIS IS A FORM OF GASLIGHTING!</p><p></p><p>in my opinion, and I speak for nobody but me, I do not see how it makes sense to love somebody for any reason if they abuse you UNLESS they are a child you love...there is a difference. But we still don't have to allow them to ruin our lives. Nobody in the world should have that power. If you believe in a higher power, only that entity has that right and, if you don't, NOBODY has that right.</p><p></p><p>I'm venting because of my recently throwing up my hands even at 90 year old dad screaming at me about not contacting him and disinheriting me. At one time I would have been so crushed I may have called him 100 times and even driven to his apartment when I was in Illinois and then also shivered over not getting his money, since we do not have money. Today? I DON'T REALLY CARE. I'm just mad at me that I didn't tell him not to abuse me at an earlier time, like I did my other DNA creations.</p><p></p><p>Without the drama and hate in your life, it is amazing how beautiful the world is...how lovely every moment is that passes. I'm never going to allow any person, no matter how, to make a wonderful life of sunshine and roses turn into a storm just because of what that person thinks of me. It won't happen again. I'm just sorry it took so long to learn this life's lesson. I am in control of my happines. Nobody else is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640692, member: 1550"] The biggest myth on earth is that ONLY family is always there for us and will love us and be there for us no matter what. This is true in some families now. If I took a rough guess I'd say families that are really pure love without rancor, forgiving, and without sibling rivalry would be maybe 40% and that could be generous. In fact, most of us talking to a therapist about abuse are talking about our families of origin. They hurt us more often and often on purpose than any others. We are told we have to love our family...our parents, our siblings, our aunts, our cousins...we are guilted into relationships with people who treat us like dirt. The reason is nothing more than sharing DNA. Because of this it is considered not nice to want to never see your brother, aunt, mother, father's new honey bunny, sister, or father even if there was extreme abuse of us by them. We are told we are bad if we don't love and forgive them, no matter what. We hear, "It IS your mother" (meaning, she WAS the one who gave birth to you.) I say...so? A true mother, in the sense the word was meant to be, is nurturing, kind and tries to show her love. A mother is not normally seen as one who belittles you, beats you, starves you, calls you names, tells you how inferior you are to your DNA siblings, is totally disrespectful of you as a little person. A father doesn't climb into bed with his daughter and say he is showing his love. He doesn't scream at his chld, belittle, call names, or slap around...at least, this is not what we normally mean when we think of the word father. Too often, though, this IS what a mother or a father are to a small child and it never goes away unless we learn how to move on...with help. It is hard to do ourselves. We even forgive them for no other reason than we were created in a person's womb and delivered by a man's sperm, certainly usually not in a sacred act that was known to be creating us. We are born at random. These two truths...that some woman had us in her womb and some man had some good sex and hit the egg is not a realistic or sensible reason to have to love those people. And the fact that a few other spersms and eggs were created by the same people also doesn't guarantee they will be good people or that we have to love them, but it is almost sacrilegious to think that you don't even LIKE them, let alone love them. I have thought about this a lot. So I should love my abusive sister, who calls me crazy and borderline and says I'm loony every time she doesn't agree with me, just because she was created by the same two goofy people I was. She cuts me off for months or years, but she is my sister and we sort of look alike so I have to love her or I am a bad person. I am supposed to love my mother who gave birth to me just because...even though she told anyone who would listen how horrible I was and deliberately turned the rest of my crazed DNA collection against me...and they all let her do it. I'm supposed to love her even though she didn't even acknowledge me as her daughter at death. But she gave birth to me. How nice of her (like she had a choice here...this was pre-abortion) and for that I need to love her or I'm a bad person. Long ago I questioned those beliefs. It never made sense to me why some people take care of their elderly mothers to their deaths while being abused and cussed at and even disinherited after they, and they alone, made sure Mom or Dad was comfortable in those last years...and favorred Sis and Bro let you do it and did nothing to help, but got all the kudos. That makes no sense to me. But I weird. I ask a lot of questions :) I think too much, or so I've been told. And I'm too logical. Even in this day and age people are brainwashed into having to love all of their DNA members. THIS IS A FORM OF GASLIGHTING! in my opinion, and I speak for nobody but me, I do not see how it makes sense to love somebody for any reason if they abuse you UNLESS they are a child you love...there is a difference. But we still don't have to allow them to ruin our lives. Nobody in the world should have that power. If you believe in a higher power, only that entity has that right and, if you don't, NOBODY has that right. I'm venting because of my recently throwing up my hands even at 90 year old dad screaming at me about not contacting him and disinheriting me. At one time I would have been so crushed I may have called him 100 times and even driven to his apartment when I was in Illinois and then also shivered over not getting his money, since we do not have money. Today? I DON'T REALLY CARE. I'm just mad at me that I didn't tell him not to abuse me at an earlier time, like I did my other DNA creations. Without the drama and hate in your life, it is amazing how beautiful the world is...how lovely every moment is that passes. I'm never going to allow any person, no matter how, to make a wonderful life of sunshine and roses turn into a storm just because of what that person thinks of me. It won't happen again. I'm just sorry it took so long to learn this life's lesson. I am in control of my happines. Nobody else is. [/QUOTE]
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