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difficult child - tired....
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<blockquote data-quote="missy44" data-source="post: 293206" data-attributes="member: 6201"><p>overall, it was a terrible weekend. disregard for my home, disrespect for me and my husband and my other children, etc... it was all about our selfish difficult child turning 19 and his girlfriend. did i handle things properly?? probably not. do i forgive myself for not being perfect, yes!</p><p> </p><p>i talked to difficult child last night and let him know what i disapproved of (pretty much everything over the weekend) and told him that we would be discussing things tomorrow...my husband and i are on the same page about this. we are going to go with a set of rules that he is going to follow and tell him that he needs to shape up or ship out. he has worked really hard to get off of the drugs but there is still alot of work to be done and i think he's taking advantage of the fact that he knows we worry about him and don't want him to go down a bad path again. but, my husband and i have to face the facts, if he chooses that path there is nothing we can do about it.</p><p> </p><p>i can't get into the details too much right now but here is a little of what went down this weekend:</p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">took him out to dinner with the entire family and his girlfriend for his birthday, bought him one beer (bad maybe) and paid for all, he invited one of his "old" buddies along. we were very upset by this, did not pay for him and let our difficult child know that we don't want him around us period! our difficult child says he worries about this friend (which i believe is true) but bottom line... we don't care and it ruined the dinner.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">it was my husband's birthday yesterday and our anniversary yesterday. difficult child and his girlfriend stayed at her apartment on saturday night (she really doesn't live there until september for college) because i said they couldn't sleep together here. fine, i don't care where they stay... they proceed to come home drunk, still celebrating his birthday (shots of whiskey,,, nice eh?) knowing that his grandparents were coming to take my husband and i to a play. i said, no more drinking, no going out near the pool, keep the house clean because the grandparents were coming back to make us dinner. all rules broken by difficult child and his girlfriend. drinking by the pool, threw our 8 yr old daughter in (2 older sons nipped that in the bud and looked after it), difficult child and girlfriend left dishes everywhere and clothes, continued to drink and basically ruined our day. oh yeah, and girlfriend offered my other sons drinks (they said no thanks).</li> </ul><p>i'm angry and obviously there is still lots of work to be done... and i feel terrible for my other children for having to put up with him. he knows that my husband and i will be having a long chat with his girlfriend (he's not happy with that) and we told him if he can't follow our rules he needs to think about where he's going. as for the girlfriend, i doubt we'll ever want her back. she has her good points, but there few and far between now.</p><p> </p><p>As for the drinking, i don't know... his one friend (one we like) said it was probably hard for him, turning 19 and not having his "old" buddies to hang out with so he was just trying to make his own fun. let's hope that's all it was. but, no excuses. everything about what he did this weekend was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>oh yeah, i forgot to mention. he said i ruined his birthday weekend for freaking out about the "old" buddy coming along.</p><p> </p><p>thanks all for your advice. my husband and i are definitely planning to use some of it. we don't want to make mountains out of mole hills, and please tell me if you think we are. i feel like its 10 steps forward, 8 steps back.</p><p> </p><p>thanks again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="missy44, post: 293206, member: 6201"] overall, it was a terrible weekend. disregard for my home, disrespect for me and my husband and my other children, etc... it was all about our selfish difficult child turning 19 and his girlfriend. did i handle things properly?? probably not. do i forgive myself for not being perfect, yes! i talked to difficult child last night and let him know what i disapproved of (pretty much everything over the weekend) and told him that we would be discussing things tomorrow...my husband and i are on the same page about this. we are going to go with a set of rules that he is going to follow and tell him that he needs to shape up or ship out. he has worked really hard to get off of the drugs but there is still alot of work to be done and i think he's taking advantage of the fact that he knows we worry about him and don't want him to go down a bad path again. but, my husband and i have to face the facts, if he chooses that path there is nothing we can do about it. i can't get into the details too much right now but here is a little of what went down this weekend: [LIST] [*]took him out to dinner with the entire family and his girlfriend for his birthday, bought him one beer (bad maybe) and paid for all, he invited one of his "old" buddies along. we were very upset by this, did not pay for him and let our difficult child know that we don't want him around us period! our difficult child says he worries about this friend (which i believe is true) but bottom line... we don't care and it ruined the dinner. [*]it was my husband's birthday yesterday and our anniversary yesterday. difficult child and his girlfriend stayed at her apartment on saturday night (she really doesn't live there until september for college) because i said they couldn't sleep together here. fine, i don't care where they stay... they proceed to come home drunk, still celebrating his birthday (shots of whiskey,,, nice eh?) knowing that his grandparents were coming to take my husband and i to a play. i said, no more drinking, no going out near the pool, keep the house clean because the grandparents were coming back to make us dinner. all rules broken by difficult child and his girlfriend. drinking by the pool, threw our 8 yr old daughter in (2 older sons nipped that in the bud and looked after it), difficult child and girlfriend left dishes everywhere and clothes, continued to drink and basically ruined our day. oh yeah, and girlfriend offered my other sons drinks (they said no thanks). [/LIST] i'm angry and obviously there is still lots of work to be done... and i feel terrible for my other children for having to put up with him. he knows that my husband and i will be having a long chat with his girlfriend (he's not happy with that) and we told him if he can't follow our rules he needs to think about where he's going. as for the girlfriend, i doubt we'll ever want her back. she has her good points, but there few and far between now. As for the drinking, i don't know... his one friend (one we like) said it was probably hard for him, turning 19 and not having his "old" buddies to hang out with so he was just trying to make his own fun. let's hope that's all it was. but, no excuses. everything about what he did this weekend was wrong. oh yeah, i forgot to mention. he said i ruined his birthday weekend for freaking out about the "old" buddy coming along. thanks all for your advice. my husband and i are definitely planning to use some of it. we don't want to make mountains out of mole hills, and please tell me if you think we are. i feel like its 10 steps forward, 8 steps back. thanks again. [/QUOTE]
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