difficult child wants a tatoo

[busywend]

On difficult children 18th birthday she called me saying 'guess what I just got?' - yup a tatoo! Right at the back of her neck. Could be covered with hair if she ever wore it down. It is pretty, some ribbon and stars.

The day she got her license she called me saying 'guess what I just got?' - you guessed another tatoo! This time on the under side of the wrists - both of them - her brothers names, one on each side. Ugh! Not easy to cover.

I have no idea how she paid for them. She never has money when she owes me! LOL!
She has been on vacation this last week....I wonder if she got another?

I forbid it until she no longer needed my permssion, because I would not take her.

 

[GoingNorth]

I wear my hair just long enough to cover a scar on the upper right side of my neck from a lymph node biopsy.

No way would I grow my mop of hair out only to be able to wear it up and show off a tattoo.

 

[flutterby]

I'm ok with it at 16. It's not that tatoo that bothers me. It's that it's always something...and it's always something that makes me tired.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Heather,

isn't this just another thing you are allowing her to wear you down on? I think the principle of this issue is far greater than the tatoo.

You will have to take her, you will have to sign, you will have to pay. Is there anything she is going to do to earn this? Sounds like you have already made up your mind that this is going to happen at 16.

I think it's too early to do something that lasts a lifetime, but she's your daughter and you know her better than I. I know my easy child talked about it for a couple years but every 6 or 7 months the content of the tatoo changed! I refused to be part of it and told her when she was 18 she could make the choice. By the time she was 18, the attraction of a tatoo had lessened a little. I reminded her how many tatoo designs she thought she would get over the last three years, about 3 or 4, and told her that was exactly my point prior to 18. You really don't know who you are going to be in the future so why do something so permanent now? She still talks about it from time to time, but at 19 it's her choice, her body, her money, her getting there on her own steam.

Sharon

 

[flutterby]

No, this isn't something she wore me down on. When she first started with the piercings, I told her "no tatoos until you're at least 16". At that time she wasn't even interested in a tatoo.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Heather, that's why I always say "maybe". Usually it can give me an out!

Sharon

 

[flutterby]

She doesn't take the "maybe" anymore, because she knows it usually means no. Now I say, "I have to think about it".

But, again, this was something that I told her 2 years ago. And the Straight Edge lifestyle - which is the tattoo symbol she wants - is something to be proud of, especially in our current culture.

 

[DaisyFace]

The thing is (and this is just my opinion) is that tattoos just don't have as much meaning for people any more...

Years ago, a person got a tattoo to mark an achievement (crossing the equator, coming home from the war, surviving cancer, etc) and it was a very important and very personal way to mark the event.

Today, too many kids think of tattoos as just a "decoration"--a fashion statement. And like other fashions, in a few years the design that is "cool" or trendy today, will be out of style. I mean, look at all the folks who rushed out and got Chinese symbols tattooed on themselves or the armbands or the lower-back design. Today, those are just not the "cool" designs any more. I know a woman who is nowhere near wrinkles and sagging who regrets her back tattoo--seemed cool at the time, but now she is just embarassed every time it shows above her belt-line.

Maybe you could show your daughter a few pictures of herself from a few years back. Ask her why she no longer wears her hair the same as in the picture...? or the same outfit...? or the same shoes...? Thank goodness those items aren't permanent or she'd really be 'uncool' today.

It's the same with tattoos.

--DaisyFace

 

[AnnieO]

Interestingly enough, of all my 3 tats I'd move the one on my shoulder, but keep the same design; and the Kokopelli I'd have more detail. That's it.

Then again, I was old enough to do this on my own, no parental permission required. I think I was 20 or 21 for the first one. My parents never said no - I just never asked.

I had to go through 9 kinds of heck to get the second hole in my left ear at 16. Then after I had it done, I had to explain to my grandparents that it didn't mean anything, I just thought it was cool. ...And... Still like it... Except when people tell me I lost an earring (in my other ear)!!!

 

[hearts and roses]

My difficult child, now 20, begged me to allow her to get a tattoo at 15. I refused. She decided to do it herself and ended up with a hideous scar on her ankle. When she was 17 (by law they much be 18 here) I took her to a very well known tattoo parlor with excellent artists and she was able to put a beautiful fairy in that place - it completely covered the scars she created.

She has since added the following: 2) A fairly large Betty Boop on her lower back; 3) a peace dove with 'Mom' written next to it on the front inside her hip (she put the mom on it so I wouldn't get mad!), 4) an verse about sisters being forever in Italian around her wrist (dedicated to her sister that made said sister shudder); 5) the name "Terry" with scrolls on the inside of her other wrist dedicated to my mom; 6) a multi colored star on the center of the back of her neck; And...she has her nipples pierced.

I personally feel that I should have just let her live with the hideous scar on her ankle rather than cave and allow a real tattoo...it's like I just said to he.ll with it, you know? She is now shopping around for a kokopellu tattoo she likes to have that done and also a flamingo. She was stuck on having piercings placed on her back so she could lace a satin ribbon through it - thank GOD she got over that.

I told her if she's not careful, she's going to end up like Amy Winehouse with random tattoos all over the place that don't make any sense. Sleeves at least can be made quite beautiful if they are all interconnected ideas and artistry. Incidentally, I am not against tattoos at all - I have three. One of them is a bit too high on my shoulder and is difficult to hide with certain clothing, especially in the summer months. But I loev all three and they each have special meaning to me - I didn't get one until I was 40 years old.

I keep telling difficult child AND easy child to pace themselves - easy child has 5 also.

Anyway, just thought I'd add my story - food for thought.

 

[compassion]

I refused. I got her a temp one for her 16th birtday. About six weeks ago she went and got a black widow spider on her neck. She used a frend's ID that is 18. I did not pay or sign for it, that is all I can do. My son got an Annubis (egytian symbol) on his shoulder. It is small,siscreet, hidden. He was 18 and paid and signed for it himself. Compassion

 

[flutterby]

Really, the tattoo itself is a non-issue with me, but not before she's 16. The symbol she wants is for the Straight Edge lifestyle which consists of no usage of tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs, and does not participate in promiscuous sex.

I started this thread because it's just that it always seems that just when things seem to calm down a bit, there's one more thing to make my head want to pop off.

 

[Marguerite]

There's two ways of looking at that, Heather.

Either she keeps your stress level right on a knife edge by constantly nagging on this or that; or you only have to cope with stuff at a level you can handle (barely) and no more.

Sometimes we feel we're at breaking point, but somehow we never quite break.

Either we're stronger than we think we are, or the stress dumped on us is one thing AFTER another, never too much at once.

It's like somehow the fates (or our kids) know when we have a few neurons spare to be loaded with their wants, and choose to fill them up. Constantly.

Marg

 

[hearts and roses]

I wish I could find it, and maybe someone else knows how to find it, but there was once a thread with standard responses we can practice in response to things our difficult child's say or suggest that makes our heads want to pop right off our shoulders...

So, instead of whatever they are saying or suggesting stressing us out, we practice responding with these non-confrontational lines that are real responses but do not start a screaming match. Perhaps you could jot down a few standard responses you could practice. Sometimes practicing a generic response will buy me the time I need to mull things over so when I am ready to respond, my head is more clear and I am not so angry or upset, Know what I mean??