difficult child Wants To Use The Computer

[Bunny]

But he only wants to use it when easy child is using it. It's been unoccupied all day. The minute easy child asks if he can play a game on it difficult child is down in the basement like a shot, telling easy child to get off because it's his turn. By that point easy child had been playing for 20 minutes, so I told difficult child that easy child could have another 40 minutes and then I would tell him to get off and difficult child could play. He sat down there for another 20 minutes being just a general bother to easy child. Telling him that I said he had to get off, that he was being really selfish because he would not just get off the computer so that difficult child could play. easy child came up at one point and asked if he had to get off because difficult child said that he did. I told him no, that he still had time and that he needed to listen to me, not difficult child, which infuruated difficult child. I finally told difficult child that if he did not stop the nonsense and leave easy child alone I was going to take the controllers away for his Xbox and he was going to lose that privilegde for the rest of the day. That shut him up fast enough.

A little bit later easy child comes up and tells me that he's finished playing and that difficult child can have his turn now, so I tell difficult child that he can play the game he wanted to play on the computer. Now, because it's not on HIS terms he doesn't want to use it.

OMG!! I hate when he does that!

 

[InsaneCdn]

He actually doesn't want to play on the computer... he just doesn't want easy child to be having fun.

 

[Malika]

My son is a bit like this... as soon as someone has something, he wants it too and finds it enormously difficult sometimes to wait his turn quietly and patiently without pestering and annoying... He also has the propensity on occasion to be a bully. In his case, I do think it is something to do with needing/wanting recognition and his barely conscious realisation that he is different from others, in various ways. In your son's case, it does sound like some of this is about the jealousy he feels for his younger "normal" brother and probably the insecurity and pain that the recognition of his own difficulties in comparison causes him... Don't want to come out with a cheap "therapy cures all" remark but does he have therapy, the chance to talk about and acknowledge some of his feelings?

 

[Bunny]

Yes, he does see a therapist and his feeling are acknowledged. And it wasn't like I told him that he couldn't use the computer. He just couldn't use it until either his brother said that he was finished using it or his computer time was up, whichever came first.

I actually think that Insane is right. It's not that he wanted to use it. He wanted to try to be in control of easy child, and that meant trying to throw him off the computer so that he could use it and so that he could deny easy child some fun.

Does anyone else have difficult children who do this? It drives me insane!

 

[Malika]

Yes, my post implied no criticism of you - I understand you were asking your older son to wait his turn, as is only fair and right. My point, really, was that even if his motivation was to prevent your younger son from enjoying himself, what is the motivation behind that? Unless his jealousy and its causes are brought to the surface and looked at, presumably this sort of thing will just go on (and on).

 

[sjexpress]

Bunny-
I think you mentioned in another post that our difficult child's are so similar that it seems we are raising the same child! Yes, you bet....my difficult child is pulls the same garbage. If easy child is quietly watching tv, difficult child comes in from where ever and starts saying he wants to watch something, that it is his turn! If easy child is on computer or video game system, same problem. Whether easy child has been on something just minutes or a while, I do not make him get right off just because difficult child decides he wants it "right now". Like you, I give easy child a time limit and say "30 more min. then it is your brothers turn". This of course causes difficult child to whine, carry on, etc.... He feels he is entitled to what ever he wants when he wants it. And of course no matter what compromise I try to make, difficult child immediately says "it's not fair!" I swear, in 60 or so years from now the writing on his tombstone will be "here lies difficult child, it's not fair!"
So although I have no advice at all, just know that there are others out here doing just as much eye rolling and head shaking out of frustration! How many more days of spring break for you? We go back Mon.!!

Jan

 

[Bunny]

Malika, I took no offense. Yes, I do think that difficult child is motivated by jealousy. He feels that easy child gets treated better than he does, and to be honest I can see where he is coming from. difficult child gets into trouble more because of his difficulties. He hits me, he curses at me, he refuses to do even the simplest tasks at times. easy child, on the other hand, has never done any of those things. Yes, easy child whines about having to do certain chores (all kids do, I expect) but not the extent that difficult child does.

What difficult child fails to accept is that he brings alot of his troubles on himself. He makes alot of poor choice that result on loss of privledges, and blames everyone else for them. It's always my fault that he got into trouble because if I just gave him everything he wanted he wouldn't have to behave badly and he would not get into trouble. He expects to be treated with the utmost courtesy and respect, and tantrums when he feels that is not being treated right, but he refuses to treat others with the same respect and courtesy that he demands. The idea of "you reap what you sow" is just not something that difficult child gets, and I'm beginning to wonder if he is ever going to get it.

 

[TeDo]

difficult child 1 is the same way but after doing Plan B (from Explosive child) I found out it was that he didn't even think of the computer until difficult child 2 turned it on. Then he couldn't get the idea out of his head and waiting was too hard and the set amount of time was way too long. He didn't mean to bug difficult child 2, he just had no concept of time and this NEED was very dominant at that time. Once he started doing something else to pass the time, the need wasn't there anymore. He was okay doing what he was doing now.

It was really hard not seeing everything he did as intentional. He really does think differently and he still hasn't learned patience .... completely anyway.

 

[DaisyFace]

Bunny--

Based on similar observations of my own difficult child - it *may* be jealousy...

but I also think there is something missing in my difficult child's head that makes it difficult for her to entertain herself. It's like the "imaginative play" component is missing. So she geniunely hasn't the foggiest idea of what she wants to do, until she she's somebody else having fun. THEN she wants to have the fun that she sees that person having. But of course, once that person is finished, it no longer looks fun and entertaining.

I also think this is why difficult child constantly chooses to pick at others. It provides a highly stimulating reaction = FUN.