difficult child was suspended; horrible outlook :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Indianamomof4, Nov 2, 2007.

  1. Indianamomof4

    Indianamomof4 New Member

    So, is this how it goes with the difficult child's? I wonder now. His school does not "buy" his Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) diagnosis and I don't know if it's a lack of interest, time, resources or a combination of them, but they are unwilling to make adjustments for difficult child.

    The principal wrote me a note in response to a letter I wrote them discribing the disorder and perhaps some things they can do and it pretty much said, "we're doing all we can" and "if he continues to disrupt other children's learning, he'll get suspended again".

    What the heck am I to do? He's not academically deficient, so he's going to fall through the cracks. I feel so hopeless. I have two options, really. 1. Homeschool him by purchasing an online learning tool so he can learn online while I work from home or 2) Send him to Montessori school, which is more open and flexible but so darn expensive. I would need dex's help and he claims he can't afford it (yet bought a brand new Tahoe for his girlfriend and is taking 5 kids and 2 adults on vacation to Disney world in December for a week).

    I don't want him to stay in that school. Their attitudes disgust me and I feel like he's going to be sent home all the dang time. Therapy is weekly for the Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), but I doubt it will make an improvement as quickly as they want to see it.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Why don't you repost this on the Special Education board.
  3. whateveryousay2007

    whateveryousay2007 New Member

    I had problems with my son in his last school. Lacked the education or resources to help him.

    Have you tried contacting the board of education. You can send them to any school in your county with their approval. Take time to call each school and explain the situation and meet with the school counsler and see if they can help.

    I was going to send my son to a "pay" school at first but fortunately his school (been there 2 years) is wonderful. but....it takes time.

    My son is the kind of child that has a problem with people touching him and they go out of there way to accomidate that.

    Hope I was helpful!
  4. brandyf

    brandyf New Member

    I am right here with you. My school has trouble "buying" the ODD diagnosis and just thinks he is lacking discipline. my boy has been suspended once, had ISS twice this year (which is abuse in my book...for a 6-year old), not to mention the 10 times i have had to go get him and the 500 calls. we have only been in school 2 months this year so far, and he is only a first grader.

    this is a copied text from another website i found. thought i would share it. this information has been said many times on this board, tho sometimes the technical language is hard Occupational Therapist (OT) understand if your not a professional in the school system...

    furthermore, it has taken me a while to come to terms with making enemies with the school, but really when i sit back and really look at what is going on....we are already enemies. i figured since we pay over 300 a month for our AWESOME (NOT) blue cross/blue choice insurance i would take care of teh evaluations personally....until they decided there is no coverage for those tests.... so here i am waiting for the school board to get the ball rolling and pick up the tab.

    “It still amazes me the number of individuals, particularly educational "professionals" who do not want to assist parents in utilizing the mechanisms already in place for the purpose of assisting children with difficulties to learn. If your child is exhibiting behaviors that interfere with his ability to learn in the regular classroom setting, you may submit a written request to the building principal to have your son evaluated to see if he qualifies for I.D.E.A. (special education services), or A.D.A. services under Section 504. Specifically, when you meet to discuss the purpose and specifics of the evaluation, you should request a psychological evaluation for determining or eliminating possible bio-neurological and/or behavioral disorders such as ADD/ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), bi-polar disorder, and personality disorders. Document all requests, take an advocate or tape recorder to all meetings with school officials, and do not let them put a guilt-trip on you about placing negative labels on your child. The sooner you determine or eliminate these possibilities, the quicker you, the school, and your child can begin addressing the problem. It is the school's legal obligation to pay for these evaluations if you play the game by the rules and jump through all the hoops. In other words, all requests must be in writing (keep a copy), and you must ask for psychological and behavioral evaluations. If you disagree with the findings of the evaluation., you have the right to ask for independent evaluation at the schools expense. P.S. Start growing some thick skin because it is an uphill battle to advocate for the needs of your child. I know, I've been through it with two ADD sons who are now grown. DO NOT GIVE UP FINDING ANSWERS THAT WILL ASSIST YOUR CHILD IN LEARNING. There are many helpful websites that will help you educate yourself on the maze that is in front of you and your child. Good luck.”

    keep you head up, its real hard sending your child to a school that you are uncomfortable with.

    here is another statement i found on this board a while back...i like to read it every now adn then.

    "Chronic school failure demoralizes children, can cause loss of status and rejection by peers, destroys self-esteem, and undermines feelings of competence. As a result, it can undermine a child's attachment to teachers, parents, school, and the values they promote. It also generates hopelessness and helplessness. Children cease to believe that their efforts make a difference in outcomes...."

    "Although schools cannot change underlying impairments that affect children's cognitive, social, and emotional performance, they can help prevent impairments from causing academic and social failure by providing appropriate accommodations and early intervention."
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    I thought I had recently posted to one of your threads in the Sp Ed forum that you must send a certified mail letter to the school district requesting an evaluation under IDEA regs. Have you done that? If so, have they received it?

    The letter will kick in protections for your child once it is received by the school district. However, even then and even if your child is eventually qualified for an IEP, the school district can still suspend him for 10 days per year unless the BIP part of the IEP says otherwise.
  6. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    You ARE going through EXACTLY what I went through (try and read some of my old posts last year and around Jan'07). In Oct06 his principle REFUSED to allow difficult child back into school after he went to the hospital. She literally closed the doors on him. The school district did the same thing. NO public school would take him because if the home school didn't, then I'd have to try for a transfer and that was denied. So total lock-out. I got a lawyer in Jan'07 and played nice and tried to work the school district system rules for 5 months. But still no progess or agreement in getting him in school and in SE classroom. So I sued in June, won on 9/26/07 and he started school 10/4/07. Closed SE class of 4 students, 1 teacher, 3 aids. Busing to ALL outside therapies, pull outs for school therapies, huge financial settlement, lawyer fees paid, comp ed for 3 yrs completely paid, summer school, and his Nuero-psychiatric named as the designer of monitor of ALL his programs, including watching the schools.

    I hate to say it, but you have to now 'FIGHT' for your child!!! Sue them!!!

    Good luck.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope you can get the school straightened out. My son's teacher showed yesterday that she truly "gets it" in regard to thank you's Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). Even understands absences on days he jsut can't keep it together. As long as we are working with it, they are very understanding.

    I cannot recommend strongly enough that you follow Sheila's recommendations to the letter!! She has gone through fire to figure out all this, and to keep on top of the laws.

    Do what Sheila tells you to!!!


  8. brandyf

    brandyf New Member

    yes i sent the letter yesterday. i am scared to death of what they are going to have to say to me, and i surely hope the principal and teachers are mature enough not to let this interfere with my daughters school life, or make things harder on difficult child. but i had no other choice. like i said he spent 8.5 hours in ISS this week. His attitude is going to H%#L. he didnt even want to go trick or treating. saw our pediatrician yesterday. he referred him for sensory interogation, but this morning i called my insurance company and of course its not covered. i even made an appointment for our own neuropsychologist evaluation, which we got in less than 2 weeks, but again insurance is not going to pay for it.

    so...since i have no money because of the co-pays for our pediatrician and psychologist (weekly)...,i have to have teh public pay for teh testing. the school will not cut him a friggin break..they are triggering him... i am so enraged with them.. I sent the letter yesterday. Not sure what i should be expecting now...or if they are going Occupational Therapist (OT) call me, or what... do you think its a 100% that they will do the evaluation? Or will i have to fight for it?
  9. Indianamomof4

    Indianamomof4 New Member

    Brandy... you and I need to talk, as we seem to have similar experiences. No, I have not sent the letter yet, but it's ready to be sent tomorrow.

    My dex wants to fight, me, I hate seeing him feel so rotten and I know he's just trying so freaking hard to 'handle it' (that what we say a lot here).

    I can't say enough how grateful I am to all of you... Sheila, thank you so much for your help. I will do as you suggest. I'm glad to know it's only 10 days per year.

    Brandy, I'm sorry your insurance is not so hot. I am blessed and fortunate to have such wonderful coverage, but regardless of that, school still :censored2: for him.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you sent the letter. They have no choice but to act now. Be sure you are documenting things. Hopefully the teachers are professional enough not to take it out on your child.

    One time when we were not happy with something that was done when difficult child was in first grade we wrote a letter to the head of Special Education and cc'd a copy to the superintendent. We had a quick meeting and the problem was solved. Of course, this was after he had an IEP.
  11. pnuts

    pnuts New Member

    My difficult child goes to as someone called it a "pay school" that is supposed to be for children with learning differences...we now affectionatly refer to it as the 10 grand train wreck.
    difficult child has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)...Principal says "another melt down and he may not be able to stay here." Schools drive me nuts! Good thing I can vent on these boards! Thanks.
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If you are considering either home school or Montessori, I think you would do better all round with home schooling.

    Not that Montessori isn't great for a lot of kids who learn differently, but with Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) there can often be other issues which cause problems. If he's being 'triggered' by mishandling at school, he could just as easily be triggered at Montessori, simply because there are a number of other people around each with their own activities and needs; the sounds alone could be enough to make life difficult for him.

    Also, Montessori's very flexibility makes it harder for some kids - they like routine and structure and the more people there are around who are free-wheeling, the more distracted our kids can get.

    It's also expensive - worth it if it suits your kid and you are the sort of parent who will pay whatever it takes to help the child; but not worth it if for your child it's just exchanging one set of problems for another.

    To check it out, make an appointment at the Montessori school you're thinking of and take difficult child with you (if they permit). See how he interacts, see how the other children and staff interact. Analyse the environment as if you're seeing it through his eyes and feeling it through his skin. Also watch him and how he seems to feel.

    I like Montessori. I would have put difficult child 3 in one if we could have got a placement, but with hindsight he would not have done as well as he is at home, simply because at home he can choose quietness. I've been surprised by the amount of quiet difficult child 3 seems to need, I never would have realised. In class in mainstream he was permitted to listen to music on his CD player, while doing bookwork. The idea was to drown out the classroom noises. But it simply wasn't enough - he is vibration-sensitive too. There is building work going on in our village, a kilometre away. And sometimes although he can't hear anything, the feel of the ground being pounded is enough to stop him from working effectively. I've had to take him for a walk to find what is making the vibration, before he can settle.

    In a situation like this you can fight, or you can walk away. If you choose to fight you have to be sure your child can weather the fallout. You also have to have some idea of what supports you want the school to put in place. You can't just say, "He needs help," you need to say, "I need you to give him a quiet space he can use for being apart if he feels he is not coping," or "He needs extension in this subject and remedial support in that one," or "he needs someone to work with him to keep him on task." If you can be sure that you CAN specify exactly what you want the school to provide, and that it WILL help him, then fight on. But if there is just too much needed, t hen trying to shove your square peg into the round holes provided is only going to teach your child that he can never achieve, anywhere and that he will always be punished simply for who he is, not for anything he can control.

    Trying to change THAT will lead to a child too damaged to achieve his potential.

    Good luck. And do post this in Special Education, so t he ideas and knowledge there can help.