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difficult child's lying
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 178078" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>I have no new suggestions to add to those already given, i.e. get new credit card numbers, get rid of the game systems etc., and thank heaven that your computer is old and slow! Definitely check for Facebook and MySpace (especially) accounts. Take control now before the next few years go south, because based on your current situation they will.</p><p></p><p>I would also urge you to get counseling with husband and get on the same page. I do sympathize with your situation, since my husband has only gotten on the same page with me in the past week, and our difficult child is now 20. I've been sabotaged by husband for years - he would cancel punishments I'd given difficult child, and tell me that I'm a bad communicator when difficult child was lying. And then at times he'd strip difficult child's room and be very punitive. But difficult child always knew he could triangulate us and it made everything so much worse. So if your husband will go to any sort of counseling, please do it! Not being together on difficult child's issues will destroy all your attempts to manage him. I know. </p><p></p><p>Don't tolerate the lying. I used to get conned into difficult child's demand that I must have both courtroom-level evidence, and an explanation, for every confrontation. husband still struggles with that. Your difficult child will understand the simpler 'if A happens, then B'. You aren't required to explain your decision, nor must you pre-warn him of consequences (one of my difficult child's favorites. 'If I'd known you would do X, I wouldn't have done Y!'). </p><p></p><p>If husband won't go to counseling, get counseling and support for yourself. It's going to be easy to get drawn into trying to 'manage' husband and your difficult child, and end up going crazy. Take care of yourself and let a therapist be your objective voice and reality check. {{hugs}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 178078, member: 2884"] I have no new suggestions to add to those already given, i.e. get new credit card numbers, get rid of the game systems etc., and thank heaven that your computer is old and slow! Definitely check for Facebook and MySpace (especially) accounts. Take control now before the next few years go south, because based on your current situation they will. I would also urge you to get counseling with husband and get on the same page. I do sympathize with your situation, since my husband has only gotten on the same page with me in the past week, and our difficult child is now 20. I've been sabotaged by husband for years - he would cancel punishments I'd given difficult child, and tell me that I'm a bad communicator when difficult child was lying. And then at times he'd strip difficult child's room and be very punitive. But difficult child always knew he could triangulate us and it made everything so much worse. So if your husband will go to any sort of counseling, please do it! Not being together on difficult child's issues will destroy all your attempts to manage him. I know. Don't tolerate the lying. I used to get conned into difficult child's demand that I must have both courtroom-level evidence, and an explanation, for every confrontation. husband still struggles with that. Your difficult child will understand the simpler 'if A happens, then B'. You aren't required to explain your decision, nor must you pre-warn him of consequences (one of my difficult child's favorites. 'If I'd known you would do X, I wouldn't have done Y!'). If husband won't go to counseling, get counseling and support for yourself. It's going to be easy to get drawn into trying to 'manage' husband and your difficult child, and end up going crazy. Take care of yourself and let a therapist be your objective voice and reality check. {{hugs}} [/QUOTE]
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