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difficult child's nonsense spanned 2000km this Christmas.
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 572504" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Kathy - Yes, here they can leave home at 16 and we have no say. We did ask him to leave because of his behaviour. He was basically pushing so far and so hard that he gave us no choice - I think that was his intention - to get kicked out so he could collect student welfare. If he didn't get kicked out they wouldn't give him welfare. As it stands he can't get it anyway because of his school attendance so he's shot himself in his own foot so to speak. </p><p></p><p>As far as where he lives. He's a couch surfer right now. He has a few different friends that he stays with, he crashed with my parents a few times over Christmas, he's stayed in a homeless shelter and he's slept in an ATM vestibule. We have told him that if he wants to follow our few rules he is welcome to come home - he doesn't want to. He's having fun, apparently.</p><p></p><p>Daisy - Thank you</p><p>Rejected - That is exactly how I felt. I didn't realize how quickly it would come back into play after we got home. It was less than 3 hours. Ugh. </p><p>Nancy - We changed all of our locks too, unfortunately my father in law went out and left his door unlocked and that's how difficult child got in. I don't think he'll do that again. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p>RE - It is funny how difficult child doesn't see that while he thinks he is mature and independent he truly isn't. But I guess that's part of his immaturity - the inability to see the error of his thinking.</p><p>Patriots - Wow, I thought 16 was young. At 15 we still have the power to send them to a program or residential school and have them picked up by police as runaways. </p><p></p><p>husband and I went to a support group meeting last night. I found them online and he agreed to go with me. After the first 4 minutes we knew we were in the right place. All parents with children similar to ours who are either in the midst of things or trying to keep things from escalating or coming out the other side. Some sad stories and some hopeful ones. Each week you go everyone gives a 2 minute update and then break off into small groups to work on plans for each family for that week. husband and I have homework this week - Read 5 chapters of the book we bought. I think it's called Parenting Your Acting Out Teenager. Make a list of Life Piles - these are things that difficult child does that bother, annoy, upset us - then we decide whose pile they are - his or ours. They are only ours if they directly hurt of affect us immediately or in the future. And we have to call someone for support - even just to talk - this is to get us into the habit of calling to ask questions and seeking out help from others. </p><p></p><p>There is no blame on the parents - our children are responsible for their own behaviour. And, there is no asking "Why?" - most of the time because the difficult child logic doesn't make sense so asking why doesn't help us understand or change anything. Basically it is "What can we do as parents, how can we change the way we act or speak to difficult child in order to change our relationship with him." It's also about taking our lives back, being happy, pursuing our own goals, etc.. I think this is going to be so great for us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 572504, member: 14356"] Kathy - Yes, here they can leave home at 16 and we have no say. We did ask him to leave because of his behaviour. He was basically pushing so far and so hard that he gave us no choice - I think that was his intention - to get kicked out so he could collect student welfare. If he didn't get kicked out they wouldn't give him welfare. As it stands he can't get it anyway because of his school attendance so he's shot himself in his own foot so to speak. As far as where he lives. He's a couch surfer right now. He has a few different friends that he stays with, he crashed with my parents a few times over Christmas, he's stayed in a homeless shelter and he's slept in an ATM vestibule. We have told him that if he wants to follow our few rules he is welcome to come home - he doesn't want to. He's having fun, apparently. Daisy - Thank you Rejected - That is exactly how I felt. I didn't realize how quickly it would come back into play after we got home. It was less than 3 hours. Ugh. Nancy - We changed all of our locks too, unfortunately my father in law went out and left his door unlocked and that's how difficult child got in. I don't think he'll do that again. :) RE - It is funny how difficult child doesn't see that while he thinks he is mature and independent he truly isn't. But I guess that's part of his immaturity - the inability to see the error of his thinking. Patriots - Wow, I thought 16 was young. At 15 we still have the power to send them to a program or residential school and have them picked up by police as runaways. husband and I went to a support group meeting last night. I found them online and he agreed to go with me. After the first 4 minutes we knew we were in the right place. All parents with children similar to ours who are either in the midst of things or trying to keep things from escalating or coming out the other side. Some sad stories and some hopeful ones. Each week you go everyone gives a 2 minute update and then break off into small groups to work on plans for each family for that week. husband and I have homework this week - Read 5 chapters of the book we bought. I think it's called Parenting Your Acting Out Teenager. Make a list of Life Piles - these are things that difficult child does that bother, annoy, upset us - then we decide whose pile they are - his or ours. They are only ours if they directly hurt of affect us immediately or in the future. And we have to call someone for support - even just to talk - this is to get us into the habit of calling to ask questions and seeking out help from others. There is no blame on the parents - our children are responsible for their own behaviour. And, there is no asking "Why?" - most of the time because the difficult child logic doesn't make sense so asking why doesn't help us understand or change anything. Basically it is "What can we do as parents, how can we change the way we act or speak to difficult child in order to change our relationship with him." It's also about taking our lives back, being happy, pursuing our own goals, etc.. I think this is going to be so great for us. [/QUOTE]
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