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difficult child's senior award ceremony
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 273026" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nancy, </p><p> </p><p>The farthest away I ever felt from my son was when I turned my back and said for him to get out. He was 16. I felt like a complete failure as a person and Mother. THe upside for us was that it took Dude about two years to figure out life. He realizes more every day that your parents aren't the only ones who set rules and limits. Mom and Dad are not a cash cow. YES - $100 for a pair of tennis shoes is ridiculous and how long it takes at a minimum wage job to earn $100. Do you really want to spend it on shoes? I am sure this group could get a list together of reality checks. So it's not just you and your daughter. We've all been there or are headed there. </p><p> </p><p>He wanted to act like he was grown - I let him go, fall and fail. It has been to date among the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I don't know if it brought him around to thinking "Wow....Mom really IS getting on with her life" but I know that he did make SEVERAL comments about me living a life and not caring about him. I did care - I just wasn't going to be bullied by my own manipulative, lying, no time for Mom kid. I"m glad I had friends here who cared enough to shoot me the straight business. </p><p> </p><p>It's not to say that your daughter won't come around someday. It just is not today, and that's hard to handle. Dude took about two years of living life on his supposed terms. He found out very quickly that the world is a lot more unforgiving, and uncaring than he had imagined it. His utopian grandiose thoughts came crashing down when he needed money to get out of jail and NO ONE of his great friends or his buddies even bothered to check on him. No one - but good old you are so dumb Mom and horrible I hate you Dad. </p><p> </p><p>Under all that rebellion is the sweet kid you know and love, and she loves you too - just not right now or like we used to say unless he needs something. I walked around for months saying "***** TO BE YOU" but this time I meant Dude, not myself as a Mom. </p><p> </p><p>As your friend I hurt for you and know this is a heartwrenching time when it should be a fun time - planning for college and a sorority - and all the other fun stuff that goes into it. Just tell yourself that just because it's not happening today - doens't mean she won't pull her head out of her punk-*** and come to her senses. I do know it won't happen if you do the 2 step forward 3 step back dance. </p><p> </p><p>I like my Mothers logic - when DUde turned 18 - she sent a box - addressed to me with a semi-precious gemstone ring (18 stones marquis cut) that was for ME surviving my son until he was 18. IT's become one of my favorite rings - and I get a private chuckle when I look at it. FOr his 18th birthday my Mom sent a .50 dollar store card with a .42 cent stamp that said Remembering you on your birthday. She said it was hard to part with .92 cents due to how he had treated me for the last years of our lives. My Mom is wise. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs for your day - and support for your new life! </p><p>STar</p><p> </p><p>I get a visual of all of us coming to your house - going into her room and getting brown paper grocery sacks and trash bags to pack up her stuff and then stand at your front door while her and punk buddies haul her stuff off. Sometimes it's okay to let your kids know YOU have friends in YOUR corner.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 273026, member: 4964"] Nancy, The farthest away I ever felt from my son was when I turned my back and said for him to get out. He was 16. I felt like a complete failure as a person and Mother. THe upside for us was that it took Dude about two years to figure out life. He realizes more every day that your parents aren't the only ones who set rules and limits. Mom and Dad are not a cash cow. YES - $100 for a pair of tennis shoes is ridiculous and how long it takes at a minimum wage job to earn $100. Do you really want to spend it on shoes? I am sure this group could get a list together of reality checks. So it's not just you and your daughter. We've all been there or are headed there. He wanted to act like he was grown - I let him go, fall and fail. It has been to date among the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I don't know if it brought him around to thinking "Wow....Mom really IS getting on with her life" but I know that he did make SEVERAL comments about me living a life and not caring about him. I did care - I just wasn't going to be bullied by my own manipulative, lying, no time for Mom kid. I"m glad I had friends here who cared enough to shoot me the straight business. It's not to say that your daughter won't come around someday. It just is not today, and that's hard to handle. Dude took about two years of living life on his supposed terms. He found out very quickly that the world is a lot more unforgiving, and uncaring than he had imagined it. His utopian grandiose thoughts came crashing down when he needed money to get out of jail and NO ONE of his great friends or his buddies even bothered to check on him. No one - but good old you are so dumb Mom and horrible I hate you Dad. Under all that rebellion is the sweet kid you know and love, and she loves you too - just not right now or like we used to say unless he needs something. I walked around for months saying "***** TO BE YOU" but this time I meant Dude, not myself as a Mom. As your friend I hurt for you and know this is a heartwrenching time when it should be a fun time - planning for college and a sorority - and all the other fun stuff that goes into it. Just tell yourself that just because it's not happening today - doens't mean she won't pull her head out of her punk-*** and come to her senses. I do know it won't happen if you do the 2 step forward 3 step back dance. I like my Mothers logic - when DUde turned 18 - she sent a box - addressed to me with a semi-precious gemstone ring (18 stones marquis cut) that was for ME surviving my son until he was 18. IT's become one of my favorite rings - and I get a private chuckle when I look at it. FOr his 18th birthday my Mom sent a .50 dollar store card with a .42 cent stamp that said Remembering you on your birthday. She said it was hard to part with .92 cents due to how he had treated me for the last years of our lives. My Mom is wise. Hugs for your day - and support for your new life! STar I get a visual of all of us coming to your house - going into her room and getting brown paper grocery sacks and trash bags to pack up her stuff and then stand at your front door while her and punk buddies haul her stuff off. Sometimes it's okay to let your kids know YOU have friends in YOUR corner. [/QUOTE]
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