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General Parenting
difficult child's senior award ceremony
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 273218"><p>You said that when you stop "caring...." she will be "sorry."</p><p> </p><p>I said something very similar. Perhaps many of us did.</p><p> </p><p>I think consequences for our kids should be all around them. It shouldn't be just the result of having mom not pay as much attention to them as they did once before. Perhaps we paid too much attention to them and/or gave them too much attention in the first place. And of particular note, is that much attention was given to them for all the wrong reasons.</p><p> </p><p>Some of our kids are never really "sorry." Some are "sorry," but they aren't really sure what to do about it. Some have to make the same mistakes repeatedly before they even have a clue that a mistake was made...nevermind that they might want to do something different the next go around.</p><p> </p><p>I understand you totally when you say that you don't have faith that things will get better with your difficult child. Perhaps that is true. Perhaps it will just be more of the same. </p><p> </p><p>With our difficult child, things have improved, but the imrprovements have been in miniscule increments. Almost microscopic...they are there.....but one has to really look.</p><p> </p><p>These kids are a constant source of potential pain. And our responses to the pain tends to be sadness. Are we deserving of constant turmoil and sadness? What can we do to change our situations and our responses to our dilemma? Might putting this burden back onto our children help? Can we really carry another person's load?</p><p> </p><p>You said: When I stop "caring...." she will be "sorry."</p><p> </p><p>For me, it was more like when I stopped trying to control something that was out of control, I started living.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 273218"] You said that when you stop "caring...." she will be "sorry." I said something very similar. Perhaps many of us did. I think consequences for our kids should be all around them. It shouldn't be just the result of having mom not pay as much attention to them as they did once before. Perhaps we paid too much attention to them and/or gave them too much attention in the first place. And of particular note, is that much attention was given to them for all the wrong reasons. Some of our kids are never really "sorry." Some are "sorry," but they aren't really sure what to do about it. Some have to make the same mistakes repeatedly before they even have a clue that a mistake was made...nevermind that they might want to do something different the next go around. I understand you totally when you say that you don't have faith that things will get better with your difficult child. Perhaps that is true. Perhaps it will just be more of the same. With our difficult child, things have improved, but the imrprovements have been in miniscule increments. Almost microscopic...they are there.....but one has to really look. These kids are a constant source of potential pain. And our responses to the pain tends to be sadness. Are we deserving of constant turmoil and sadness? What can we do to change our situations and our responses to our dilemma? Might putting this burden back onto our children help? Can we really carry another person's load? You said: When I stop "caring...." she will be "sorry." For me, it was more like when I stopped trying to control something that was out of control, I started living. [/QUOTE]
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