Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Difficult phone conversation with difficult child
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641357" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok, ok, ok...slow down and take a deep breath.</p><p></p><p>Hon, you are NOT responsible for your grown daughter. You just aren't. And you did the right thing regardless of what your family said (whoever is giving you grief should, in my opinion, be put on very low contact right now. You don't need that.) You will not, no matter w hat you say, change your daughter, especially if you are helping her out in any way. Even if you aren't, everyone is his own boss we do what we do.</p><p></p><p>You also are not in any position to protect your grandson. He has already been in and out of the system. This is in the control of social services and your daughter's behavior. Nothing you do or say has made a difference so far. I can tell by your long, long posts (which are perfectly ok) that you still want to believe that if you just get through to your daughter or say the right thing that she will change and that you are very frustrated that this isn't happening. You want to control a situation you have no control over. We all get it.</p><p></p><p>Many of us have also learned first hand that the only thing within our control is us. It would probably help you a lot to get into therapy for YOU so that YOUR life can be better. There, sadly, is very little to nothing that you can do for your grandson. Foster care isn't great, but his mother isn't great or safe and going back and forth isn't good either. And you can't stop it from happening.</p><p></p><p>Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings? They are good at teaching us how to take each day at a time, each moment at a time. We don't know the big picture. We can't change the past. The future is a blank screen. If we think about it, it doesn't help anything and often makes us so stressed we can't function. All we have for sure is now and what WE do with now because we can't control anybody else's now, not even that of your beloved grandson.</p><p></p><p>I hope one day you will start to focus on what you can control...yourself. I hope you start doing nice things for yourself. Long talks with your daughter...do they really produce results? Does she live up to her promises? Do you trust what she says? Are you sick of talking to her? You have to mull over these things. You have the option of going low contact with your daughter. You can leave it as it is. Either way, you can't change her. If you are upset and unhealthy you are not good for anyone, including any important person...yourself. Getting sick won't help anything.</p><p></p><p>Although alcoholism IS a disease, it is treatable. People quit drinking forever every single day, every hour. Your daughter is the one responsible for her illness and treating it. If she doesn't, that is on her shoulders. It is not as if she has incurable cancer. She can turn her life around and make a home for her grandson. She just won't. And you can't make her.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can find some peace and serenity tonight and try to distract yourself from thoughts of your daughter and grandson. It does no good to dwell on it. Been there/done that/worn the tee-shirt/didn't change a thing. Hugs!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641357, member: 1550"] Ok, ok, ok...slow down and take a deep breath. Hon, you are NOT responsible for your grown daughter. You just aren't. And you did the right thing regardless of what your family said (whoever is giving you grief should, in my opinion, be put on very low contact right now. You don't need that.) You will not, no matter w hat you say, change your daughter, especially if you are helping her out in any way. Even if you aren't, everyone is his own boss we do what we do. You also are not in any position to protect your grandson. He has already been in and out of the system. This is in the control of social services and your daughter's behavior. Nothing you do or say has made a difference so far. I can tell by your long, long posts (which are perfectly ok) that you still want to believe that if you just get through to your daughter or say the right thing that she will change and that you are very frustrated that this isn't happening. You want to control a situation you have no control over. We all get it. Many of us have also learned first hand that the only thing within our control is us. It would probably help you a lot to get into therapy for YOU so that YOUR life can be better. There, sadly, is very little to nothing that you can do for your grandson. Foster care isn't great, but his mother isn't great or safe and going back and forth isn't good either. And you can't stop it from happening. Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings? They are good at teaching us how to take each day at a time, each moment at a time. We don't know the big picture. We can't change the past. The future is a blank screen. If we think about it, it doesn't help anything and often makes us so stressed we can't function. All we have for sure is now and what WE do with now because we can't control anybody else's now, not even that of your beloved grandson. I hope one day you will start to focus on what you can control...yourself. I hope you start doing nice things for yourself. Long talks with your daughter...do they really produce results? Does she live up to her promises? Do you trust what she says? Are you sick of talking to her? You have to mull over these things. You have the option of going low contact with your daughter. You can leave it as it is. Either way, you can't change her. If you are upset and unhealthy you are not good for anyone, including any important person...yourself. Getting sick won't help anything. Although alcoholism IS a disease, it is treatable. People quit drinking forever every single day, every hour. Your daughter is the one responsible for her illness and treating it. If she doesn't, that is on her shoulders. It is not as if she has incurable cancer. She can turn her life around and make a home for her grandson. She just won't. And you can't make her. I hope you can find some peace and serenity tonight and try to distract yourself from thoughts of your daughter and grandson. It does no good to dwell on it. Been there/done that/worn the tee-shirt/didn't change a thing. Hugs!!! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Difficult phone conversation with difficult child
Top