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Dissociation, depersonalization symptoms etc.
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 588160" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I did ask difficult child to talk a bit about this to his dad or at least give me a permission to tell him some of it. I don't think husband really gets how much effort difficult child has to put on to just make it through the days. difficult child declined from talking to his dad himself. He says that husband would just get spooked or frustrated or angry with him and this is not a topic he wants to argue with husband. He promised to think about letting me tell some of it. I do believe that it would help husband to be more patient with difficult child if he would see difficult child's struggles more real and less him choosing to be difficult. difficult child's strengths, his ability to compensate and him being very smart do really colour the picture so much that seeing his challenges real and not just something he chooses to do to annoy others even further can be difficult. </p><p></p><p>Very uneven ability/functioning profiles are just difficult to get, when you yourself are more even. I, while being even myself, have life long experience with people like that, and while I don't really get it deep down, I have learned to accept it like it is. For husband that is more difficult. He knows it, but he really doesn't get it, that just because difficult child can do X, that may be very complex and difficult, it doesn't mean he can also do Y, that is simple and easy but different. And even if he somehow is able accept that, he certainly don't get, how difficult child can do Y, when it is a part of X, but not separately or when it is part of Z. Okay, that one frustrates also me to no end. "But it's not the same!", says difficult child. So yeah.</p><p></p><p>difficult child has also talked with father in law about his and husband's relationship in some point recently. Apparently father in law has said that he sees husband and difficult child acting similarly. That husband too tends to lash out when he is scared and difficult child's issues make him scared for difficult child and his future. I think there is some truth in that and I do hope that thought would help difficult child to handle the tense situation between them and believe that his dad is there for him even if their relationship is rocky at times. It does frustrate me a lot how difficult it is for husband to accept hurting and vulnerable part of difficult child. It's odd how much easier it is for him to handle screwing up difficult child. When difficult child has troubles because of his own choices and screw ups, husband is most of the time very good with him. He can balance his disapproval and disappointment with encouragement to try again and do better and not to give up, well. But with difficult child's vulnerability husband is so totally out of his depth.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 588160, member: 14557"] I did ask difficult child to talk a bit about this to his dad or at least give me a permission to tell him some of it. I don't think husband really gets how much effort difficult child has to put on to just make it through the days. difficult child declined from talking to his dad himself. He says that husband would just get spooked or frustrated or angry with him and this is not a topic he wants to argue with husband. He promised to think about letting me tell some of it. I do believe that it would help husband to be more patient with difficult child if he would see difficult child's struggles more real and less him choosing to be difficult. difficult child's strengths, his ability to compensate and him being very smart do really colour the picture so much that seeing his challenges real and not just something he chooses to do to annoy others even further can be difficult. Very uneven ability/functioning profiles are just difficult to get, when you yourself are more even. I, while being even myself, have life long experience with people like that, and while I don't really get it deep down, I have learned to accept it like it is. For husband that is more difficult. He knows it, but he really doesn't get it, that just because difficult child can do X, that may be very complex and difficult, it doesn't mean he can also do Y, that is simple and easy but different. And even if he somehow is able accept that, he certainly don't get, how difficult child can do Y, when it is a part of X, but not separately or when it is part of Z. Okay, that one frustrates also me to no end. "But it's not the same!", says difficult child. So yeah. difficult child has also talked with father in law about his and husband's relationship in some point recently. Apparently father in law has said that he sees husband and difficult child acting similarly. That husband too tends to lash out when he is scared and difficult child's issues make him scared for difficult child and his future. I think there is some truth in that and I do hope that thought would help difficult child to handle the tense situation between them and believe that his dad is there for him even if their relationship is rocky at times. It does frustrate me a lot how difficult it is for husband to accept hurting and vulnerable part of difficult child. It's odd how much easier it is for him to handle screwing up difficult child. When difficult child has troubles because of his own choices and screw ups, husband is most of the time very good with him. He can balance his disapproval and disappointment with encouragement to try again and do better and not to give up, well. But with difficult child's vulnerability husband is so totally out of his depth. [/QUOTE]
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