Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Distance vs. detachment?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BackintheSaddle" data-source="post: 619620" data-attributes="member: 17503"><p>Good morning-- I wondered whether you all have thought about 'degrees of detachment' in that in some cases, when our adult kids have repeated things over and over again and demonstrated a true inability or unwillingness to accept responsibility many times, that's when we need to totally detach from their lives...but detachment seems like too strong of a word (or pursuit) to achieve with a younger (or older) adult child that hasn't had the same patterns over time, may show signs of promise/hope in their attitude, etc...detachment to me is a word that conveys that I will have nothing to do with my difficult child and I don't like that feeling...my difficult child is 19...10 years from now I may feel differently but there is hope at this point that he will turn himself around...I don't want to 'give up on him' yet but I do want to protect myself from him and 'distance' myself from his drama and dysfunction...are there degrees of detachment? some posts here seem to indicate that you are not in contact with your difficult child for months or even years...some posts I can't tell...did you work your way 'up to' total detachment so that you're not in touch with them for a year or more? I'm not going to stop trying to reach my difficult child but I'm also not willing to be abused by him...I feel inclined to contact him maybe weekly just to check in...he's not responding to me anyhow but I want him to know that if he ever is ready for help (or to get his own place so he's out of my parents' house), I'll help him...at what point does remaining 'in touch' become enabling? that seems like a fairly straightforward line to me (being in touch doesn't mean you're doing anything to support how they're living)-- is it to you? if I'm in touch and he's abusive (verbally), then that tells me to distance myself even more...but I don't know...I have read the detachment article and am aware of what is written about it but i wondered if others have thought about 'degrees' of it because the full list of detachment (which for many seems to imply no contact AT ALL), isn't what I'd want for my life...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BackintheSaddle, post: 619620, member: 17503"] Good morning-- I wondered whether you all have thought about 'degrees of detachment' in that in some cases, when our adult kids have repeated things over and over again and demonstrated a true inability or unwillingness to accept responsibility many times, that's when we need to totally detach from their lives...but detachment seems like too strong of a word (or pursuit) to achieve with a younger (or older) adult child that hasn't had the same patterns over time, may show signs of promise/hope in their attitude, etc...detachment to me is a word that conveys that I will have nothing to do with my difficult child and I don't like that feeling...my difficult child is 19...10 years from now I may feel differently but there is hope at this point that he will turn himself around...I don't want to 'give up on him' yet but I do want to protect myself from him and 'distance' myself from his drama and dysfunction...are there degrees of detachment? some posts here seem to indicate that you are not in contact with your difficult child for months or even years...some posts I can't tell...did you work your way 'up to' total detachment so that you're not in touch with them for a year or more? I'm not going to stop trying to reach my difficult child but I'm also not willing to be abused by him...I feel inclined to contact him maybe weekly just to check in...he's not responding to me anyhow but I want him to know that if he ever is ready for help (or to get his own place so he's out of my parents' house), I'll help him...at what point does remaining 'in touch' become enabling? that seems like a fairly straightforward line to me (being in touch doesn't mean you're doing anything to support how they're living)-- is it to you? if I'm in touch and he's abusive (verbally), then that tells me to distance myself even more...but I don't know...I have read the detachment article and am aware of what is written about it but i wondered if others have thought about 'degrees' of it because the full list of detachment (which for many seems to imply no contact AT ALL), isn't what I'd want for my life... [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Distance vs. detachment?
Top