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Distance vs. detachment?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 619625" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>Back, I've learned to detach from my difficult child and it (in my opinion) never means no contact at all. But that being said, my difficult child was back to his old manipulations, conns, and lies for money which he and girlie were spending to party. This went on for about 3 months and I finally found out.</p><p></p><p>This was the point I drew the line in the sand and said no more. He then threatened suicide because I refused to send money and that made me realize that my helping was not helping and he would continue in his comfortable (for him) path as long as he could.</p><p></p><p>I found, and called, clinics close to him for help but stood my ground no more money. He went no contact with me for about a year, totally fell off the face of the earth. I took this time to focus on ME and I finally understood how much I was enabling him, I thought I had it all under control.</p><p></p><p>I changed and things changed between us, he finally understood that I was passed his manipulation and I would no longer be treated with disrespect. I learned to set boundaries and stick with them. He has contacted me (then he will disappear again depending what is going on with his life) but he doesn't ask for money and he now has a job.</p><p></p><p>Detachment for me is not trying to fix his problems and enjoying my life without constant worry about his. I finally accepted him as he is and I finally accepted that he may be like this forever. That does not mean I love my son any less.</p><p></p><p>I never give up but I don't hold my breath and I allow myself to be happy regardless what he is doing. Changing yourself is all you will ever be able to do, his life is his responsibility.</p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 619625, member: 13558"] Back, I've learned to detach from my difficult child and it (in my opinion) never means no contact at all. But that being said, my difficult child was back to his old manipulations, conns, and lies for money which he and girlie were spending to party. This went on for about 3 months and I finally found out. This was the point I drew the line in the sand and said no more. He then threatened suicide because I refused to send money and that made me realize that my helping was not helping and he would continue in his comfortable (for him) path as long as he could. I found, and called, clinics close to him for help but stood my ground no more money. He went no contact with me for about a year, totally fell off the face of the earth. I took this time to focus on ME and I finally understood how much I was enabling him, I thought I had it all under control. I changed and things changed between us, he finally understood that I was passed his manipulation and I would no longer be treated with disrespect. I learned to set boundaries and stick with them. He has contacted me (then he will disappear again depending what is going on with his life) but he doesn't ask for money and he now has a job. Detachment for me is not trying to fix his problems and enjoying my life without constant worry about his. I finally accepted him as he is and I finally accepted that he may be like this forever. That does not mean I love my son any less. I never give up but I don't hold my breath and I allow myself to be happy regardless what he is doing. Changing yourself is all you will ever be able to do, his life is his responsibility. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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