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<blockquote data-quote="emotionallybankrupt" data-source="post: 322041" data-attributes="member: 8226"><p>Here's what I did on the money issue, and it really worked well for a long time. I was feeling very taken advantage of on money. She was "nickeling and diming" me to death for things that COULD have been legitimate expenses but were very questionable. Also the typical debates on how much to be willing to spend on certain items.</p><p> </p><p>I made a deal with her that I would give her a certain amount of money on the first of each month--unconditional money, not like an "allowance" that hinged on behavioral expectations--and that she was to budget that herself for all her expenses except for food and medical expenses, or extraordinary expenses involving school, etc., which we would discuss as they came along. I told her to think about her needs for clothing, hygiene/cosmetic expenses, recreation, routine school supply expenses, etc. I held my breath as I asked her to name up what she thought would be a reasonable amount, and I was amazed when she came out with actually a conservative, but reasonable figure. She quickly got a "reality check" on what things actually cost, and even admitted that to me. She learned to comparison shop. We had some compromises along the way, such as my giving her maybe a couple month's payment at once, so that she could take advantage of good deals that might cost more up front, but then even out later. This sure did stop the demanding behaviors every time we went to a store.</p><p> </p><p>We tried various separate agreements and contracts where she could earn extra money contingent on doing chores, behaving decently, etc.--like a typical allowance. Those deals never worked out, though, because she was never willing to follow through on her part of the deal. Even when I tried to put it on a daily dollar amount for immediate reinforcement, still it didn't work. Oh, well! That was her choice.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, she loved playing the pitiful role with her friends, telling them I forced her to buy even her tampons out of her own money, but I stood my ground and told her, no, that I was providing all those things that responsible parents provide for their minor children. I was just allowing her to manage the money herself--the unconditional money.</p><p> </p><p>Then, after a while, the deal got even better. I received an e-mail from a major credit card company I use often, regarding a new program they had for "teen credit cards" that the parent "loads" with a certain amount of money, and the teen can use at any location that accepts that major credit card (PM for details if interested. I'm not comfortable advertising for them, but their program sure did work for me.) They cannot overdraw the card, the parent can log on and see exactly what was spent, where, and when, and can even block access for certain types of transactions, such as ATM withdrawals, liquor purchases, and other categories. The parent can also set dollar limits for daily, weekly, or monthly purchases. For the last year difficult child was with me, that was our system. She enjoyed having her own "plastic," and I liked that she was not carrying around cash and that I had some control over what she was doing with the card. Even she admitted liking the security of knowing that she could cancel the card if she lost it, whereas she could not just replace cash. I also think it worked to her benefit at times to NOT have cash when she was around manipulative and/or demanding peers.</p><p> </p><p>The "card" program cost me $5 a month, and it was worth every penny. If an emergency should arise, it's possible to tranfer funds to the card almost instantly. Ummm...as well as to suspend the card instantly with a click of the mouse if that should be warranted. I did make use of that feature a couple of times when difficult child simply didn't come home at night and I had no idea where she was.</p><p> </p><p>I also truly believe our "budget" system gave difficult child at least a SMALL taste of the true cost of living, although she still has a long way to go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="emotionallybankrupt, post: 322041, member: 8226"] Here's what I did on the money issue, and it really worked well for a long time. I was feeling very taken advantage of on money. She was "nickeling and diming" me to death for things that COULD have been legitimate expenses but were very questionable. Also the typical debates on how much to be willing to spend on certain items. I made a deal with her that I would give her a certain amount of money on the first of each month--unconditional money, not like an "allowance" that hinged on behavioral expectations--and that she was to budget that herself for all her expenses except for food and medical expenses, or extraordinary expenses involving school, etc., which we would discuss as they came along. I told her to think about her needs for clothing, hygiene/cosmetic expenses, recreation, routine school supply expenses, etc. I held my breath as I asked her to name up what she thought would be a reasonable amount, and I was amazed when she came out with actually a conservative, but reasonable figure. She quickly got a "reality check" on what things actually cost, and even admitted that to me. She learned to comparison shop. We had some compromises along the way, such as my giving her maybe a couple month's payment at once, so that she could take advantage of good deals that might cost more up front, but then even out later. This sure did stop the demanding behaviors every time we went to a store. We tried various separate agreements and contracts where she could earn extra money contingent on doing chores, behaving decently, etc.--like a typical allowance. Those deals never worked out, though, because she was never willing to follow through on her part of the deal. Even when I tried to put it on a daily dollar amount for immediate reinforcement, still it didn't work. Oh, well! That was her choice. Of course, she loved playing the pitiful role with her friends, telling them I forced her to buy even her tampons out of her own money, but I stood my ground and told her, no, that I was providing all those things that responsible parents provide for their minor children. I was just allowing her to manage the money herself--the unconditional money. Then, after a while, the deal got even better. I received an e-mail from a major credit card company I use often, regarding a new program they had for "teen credit cards" that the parent "loads" with a certain amount of money, and the teen can use at any location that accepts that major credit card (PM for details if interested. I'm not comfortable advertising for them, but their program sure did work for me.) They cannot overdraw the card, the parent can log on and see exactly what was spent, where, and when, and can even block access for certain types of transactions, such as ATM withdrawals, liquor purchases, and other categories. The parent can also set dollar limits for daily, weekly, or monthly purchases. For the last year difficult child was with me, that was our system. She enjoyed having her own "plastic," and I liked that she was not carrying around cash and that I had some control over what she was doing with the card. Even she admitted liking the security of knowing that she could cancel the card if she lost it, whereas she could not just replace cash. I also think it worked to her benefit at times to NOT have cash when she was around manipulative and/or demanding peers. The "card" program cost me $5 a month, and it was worth every penny. If an emergency should arise, it's possible to tranfer funds to the card almost instantly. Ummm...as well as to suspend the card instantly with a click of the mouse if that should be warranted. I did make use of that feature a couple of times when difficult child simply didn't come home at night and I had no idea where she was. I also truly believe our "budget" system gave difficult child at least a SMALL taste of the true cost of living, although she still has a long way to go. [/QUOTE]
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