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Do you throw them out? What are YOUR feelings ? Explain your detachment.
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<blockquote data-quote="Mom2oddson" data-source="post: 410090" data-attributes="member: 65"><p>All three of my kids are different. So the experience of each has been different. But what I've learned in detaching from one has helped with the others. 2 left/got thrown out, 1 grew up and moved away. </p><p></p><p>Ant was the first to leave. mother in law moved him in with her right before he turned 16. That experience rocked us to the core. We (as in husband & I) barely made it through that patch of time. Ant went down a dark road and there was nothing we could do about it. When mother in law kicked Ant out a year later, he moved back home and we said the rules are still the same (tough rules: Pass your classes, help around the house). Four months later, on his 17th B-day he says he's an adult and he can do as he pleases. We said fine - as an adult, our wallet is closed to you. He moved out and in with his girlfriend. And we stepped back. Our motto has been "if you love something, let it go...." And he came back and asked for help. He's clean and sober now, isn't even smoking cirgarettes! But, he's been a lump on a log doing nothing. {{Sign}}..... so we are giving him a couple of months to figure it out on his own and if not, he'll be thrown into the world to either sink or swim. Not easy, but we know that he can swim if he wants to. </p><p></p><p>easy child was the next to leave, but it was to head off to college. What I learned in detaching from Ant helped me let go of easy child. And in letting go of easy child and letting him deal with his own life lessons, I've gotten better at letting Ant learn from his life lessons. If I'm going to be okay with easy child doing stupid college things and having to deal with the consequences on his own, then I should learn to be okay with Ant doing the same. </p><p></p><p>Steph is the hardest one of them all. She is the one that probably won't come back. And she's the one that most likely will die from her choices. Does it break my heart?....into a bazillion pieces. If she ever comes to me and asks for help - for mental health, rehab, counseling - SURE! For money, to live at home - NO WAY! I doubt she will ever ask for help. She has no problems - just ask her. As far as communication - I sent her a text if there is something she should know - like Mason passing. Other than that, she can text me, but she doesn't. </p><p></p><p> I feel like I've hardened my heart so much toward her that I'm just a mean person. But that is my feelings, I know that I've had to get to this point in order to continue on with my life. I can't stop Steph from doing drugs. I can't make Steph get the mental health she needs. I can't do anything for her...except what Star did...I put her in much bigger and better hands. And if she should die.....I believe those bigger and better hands will have taken her home to keep her safe from herself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mom2oddson, post: 410090, member: 65"] All three of my kids are different. So the experience of each has been different. But what I've learned in detaching from one has helped with the others. 2 left/got thrown out, 1 grew up and moved away. Ant was the first to leave. mother in law moved him in with her right before he turned 16. That experience rocked us to the core. We (as in husband & I) barely made it through that patch of time. Ant went down a dark road and there was nothing we could do about it. When mother in law kicked Ant out a year later, he moved back home and we said the rules are still the same (tough rules: Pass your classes, help around the house). Four months later, on his 17th B-day he says he's an adult and he can do as he pleases. We said fine - as an adult, our wallet is closed to you. He moved out and in with his girlfriend. And we stepped back. Our motto has been "if you love something, let it go...." And he came back and asked for help. He's clean and sober now, isn't even smoking cirgarettes! But, he's been a lump on a log doing nothing. {{Sign}}..... so we are giving him a couple of months to figure it out on his own and if not, he'll be thrown into the world to either sink or swim. Not easy, but we know that he can swim if he wants to. easy child was the next to leave, but it was to head off to college. What I learned in detaching from Ant helped me let go of easy child. And in letting go of easy child and letting him deal with his own life lessons, I've gotten better at letting Ant learn from his life lessons. If I'm going to be okay with easy child doing stupid college things and having to deal with the consequences on his own, then I should learn to be okay with Ant doing the same. Steph is the hardest one of them all. She is the one that probably won't come back. And she's the one that most likely will die from her choices. Does it break my heart?....into a bazillion pieces. If she ever comes to me and asks for help - for mental health, rehab, counseling - SURE! For money, to live at home - NO WAY! I doubt she will ever ask for help. She has no problems - just ask her. As far as communication - I sent her a text if there is something she should know - like Mason passing. Other than that, she can text me, but she doesn't. I feel like I've hardened my heart so much toward her that I'm just a mean person. But that is my feelings, I know that I've had to get to this point in order to continue on with my life. I can't stop Steph from doing drugs. I can't make Steph get the mental health she needs. I can't do anything for her...except what Star did...I put her in much bigger and better hands. And if she should die.....I believe those bigger and better hands will have taken her home to keep her safe from herself. [/QUOTE]
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Do you throw them out? What are YOUR feelings ? Explain your detachment.
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