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Parent Emeritus
Do you throw them out? What are YOUR feelings ? Explain your detachment.
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 410127" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>I had very little to prepare me for having a difficult child. daughter was nearly a easy child (looking back, I see many signs...) until 8th grade and her full-blown difficult child qualities did not surface until age 17. Shifting from "normal" parent thinking to warrior parent thinking has been a struggle. It took a long time for me to realize that the rules are different now and, without the help and support of DEX (aka Mr. Ostrich), I must navigate this new planet on my own.</p><p> </p><p>My daughter engages in very risky, impulsive behavior - mostly sexual in nature. She also has huge, huge issues - as most of our difficult child's have - with lying. This has been a life long problem with her and I used to believe I could get her to snap out of it through punishment and consequences. Of course, that never worked and, even when the consequences come from the real world, she seems unable to shake this. </p><p> </p><p>She does not work, has no desire to work, claims she is starting school in March (heard this before) and somehow seems to have enough money for gas and cigarrettes. </p><p> </p><p>The first time she left to live with Mr. Ostrich, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I feared for what she might do under his lack of supervision... and she did plenty of things, but she survived. She bounced back and forth between us for awhile and, each time, it got a little easier to let her go. With each dramatic departure, I saw - a little more clearly - that her actions were HERS and if she is to keep safe, she will have to make a decision to be safe. </p><p> </p><p>She was with me last week (amusingly, Mr. Ostrich, who allows boyfriend sleepovers would not allow her to stay at his place while he was gone ....because she is a slob and his cleaning lady was coming!) and she was very respectful of my hideously unreasonable rules. We actually had a very good time, and I miss her ....but I know she isn't coming back, and I know it's better this way. </p><p> </p><p>I still fear for her safety, but I've stopped taking resonsbility for what I cannot control. I am baffled by the lying, but she will have to work through that on her own. I wonder if she will be able to EVER be on her own, but I no longer try to interfere with DEX and his enabling.</p><p> </p><p>I've learned to love what is and let go of what I hoped would be.</p><p> </p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 410127, member: 9175"] I had very little to prepare me for having a difficult child. daughter was nearly a easy child (looking back, I see many signs...) until 8th grade and her full-blown difficult child qualities did not surface until age 17. Shifting from "normal" parent thinking to warrior parent thinking has been a struggle. It took a long time for me to realize that the rules are different now and, without the help and support of DEX (aka Mr. Ostrich), I must navigate this new planet on my own. My daughter engages in very risky, impulsive behavior - mostly sexual in nature. She also has huge, huge issues - as most of our difficult child's have - with lying. This has been a life long problem with her and I used to believe I could get her to snap out of it through punishment and consequences. Of course, that never worked and, even when the consequences come from the real world, she seems unable to shake this. She does not work, has no desire to work, claims she is starting school in March (heard this before) and somehow seems to have enough money for gas and cigarrettes. The first time she left to live with Mr. Ostrich, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I feared for what she might do under his lack of supervision... and she did plenty of things, but she survived. She bounced back and forth between us for awhile and, each time, it got a little easier to let her go. With each dramatic departure, I saw - a little more clearly - that her actions were HERS and if she is to keep safe, she will have to make a decision to be safe. She was with me last week (amusingly, Mr. Ostrich, who allows boyfriend sleepovers would not allow her to stay at his place while he was gone ....because she is a slob and his cleaning lady was coming!) and she was very respectful of my hideously unreasonable rules. We actually had a very good time, and I miss her ....but I know she isn't coming back, and I know it's better this way. I still fear for her safety, but I've stopped taking resonsbility for what I cannot control. I am baffled by the lying, but she will have to work through that on her own. I wonder if she will be able to EVER be on her own, but I no longer try to interfere with DEX and his enabling. I've learned to love what is and let go of what I hoped would be. Dash [/QUOTE]
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Do you throw them out? What are YOUR feelings ? Explain your detachment.
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