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Parent Emeritus
Do you throw them out? What are YOUR feelings ? Explain your detachment.
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 410138" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I think that my thoughts on detachment differ for each of my children just as my love for each of my children is special. Detachment from L is getting easier because she seems to have at least found a way to get what it is that she wants out of life. Marrying a rich man is not what most of us want for our daughters in this day and age. We want them to be strong and independent. But, it seems likely that she may marry this man that she is seeing now, and he truly seems to love her. He also seems to be about our age, and I don't think that she has the capacity to really <em>love</em> anyone other than herself. But, I know that if she can try, having enough money and having a man that dotes on you is a wonderful opportunity to grow into a caring person.</p><p></p><p>My detachment from M is different. I do love him and I worry about him. I try to keep in contact with him. Sadly, he seems to have still not made any decisions about what he wants from his life. That makes me feel lost when I try to talk with him. Under the circumstances, distance between us is a good thing. I never want to make my kids feel bad about themselves, and when I don't know what they are trying to accomplish I worry that I might say something that puts them into victim mode without ever knowing what it is that I said. So, as much as I miss and grieve for M, the distance is the only way to make it work now. Although I DO wish he would answer an email or a text or a phone call once in a while - not just when he thinks we have something he needs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 410138, member: 99"] I think that my thoughts on detachment differ for each of my children just as my love for each of my children is special. Detachment from L is getting easier because she seems to have at least found a way to get what it is that she wants out of life. Marrying a rich man is not what most of us want for our daughters in this day and age. We want them to be strong and independent. But, it seems likely that she may marry this man that she is seeing now, and he truly seems to love her. He also seems to be about our age, and I don't think that she has the capacity to really [I]love[/I] anyone other than herself. But, I know that if she can try, having enough money and having a man that dotes on you is a wonderful opportunity to grow into a caring person. My detachment from M is different. I do love him and I worry about him. I try to keep in contact with him. Sadly, he seems to have still not made any decisions about what he wants from his life. That makes me feel lost when I try to talk with him. Under the circumstances, distance between us is a good thing. I never want to make my kids feel bad about themselves, and when I don't know what they are trying to accomplish I worry that I might say something that puts them into victim mode without ever knowing what it is that I said. So, as much as I miss and grieve for M, the distance is the only way to make it work now. Although I DO wish he would answer an email or a text or a phone call once in a while - not just when he thinks we have something he needs. [/QUOTE]
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Do you throw them out? What are YOUR feelings ? Explain your detachment.
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