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Do your difficult children seem to enjoy annoying u or others?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 425624" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>This is one of the things that bothered us the most with Wiz. The delight, even glee, that he got when he had succeeded in making someone get mad or lose their cool. He was genius at it, esp with husband. husband is a very gentle person and HATES to think that he is hurting someone. Even getting splinters out is hard because he knows that sometimes it has to hurt to get the splinter out. He also was just not capable of meeting Wiz on his level on topics that husband wasn't interested it. I could find something to enjoy in most of the things Wiz wanted to do but husband had a super hard time. he also never really "got" wiz' personality. So Wiz would do all sorts of things to get a reaction from him.</p><p> </p><p>Even now he cannot tell us why.</p><p> </p><p>I think it is a way to have control. They want to spread the chaos and fear they feel inside so that everyone feels as they feel. They like making someone upset because then they are controlling what that person does. It is fairly simple as a concept and impossible to stop. I do find that love and logic strategies work very well. At one time that kind of manipulation was rewarded with the loss of privilege. I stopped trying to explain why. he knew, they all know that it is the wrong thing to do. They will still say it is unfair, wrong, they didn't know better - and they will seem convincing.</p><p> </p><p>The fact is that they DO know better and it won't stop easily. So don't explain, redirect when possible or remove her to a room with no one to bother. That is what bothered Wiz the most. I would make him stay in a room by himself that had no tv or computer or video games. At one point I had to strip his room and still made him spend time there. </p><p> </p><p>My mother gave me the best tools for this. As a kid if we were starting to tease or fight or whatever she would call one of us to do a chore. take out the trash, clean the cat box, feed and water the dog, pck up something, etc... Never mentioned what we were doing, just "Susie, I need you to feed the dog." or "difficult child, please take out the trash now." If it didn't stop after that, another request was made of a similar type. If it still didn't stop? Life was NOT GOOD. No tv, or a longer tougher chore or both happened.</p><p> </p><p>She NEVER addressed the teasing/poking/provoking. But we soon figured out that if we were going to start doing whatever it was, we were going to get more chores. So we eventually stopped because we didn't want the consequences. She almost never lost her cool over this. Cries that it wasn't fair were met with "Life isn't fair. If life was fair I would be 5'6" and stacked." , She is a very petite small chested woman and there was NO way to argue with that. </p><p> </p><p>I will say that she was floored to see the lengths that Wiz took this to. it wasn't until we were living with her that she really saw it - and it was a total eye opener. One afternoon she interrupted him trying to upset Jessie 15 times!! Then she lost her cool with him and told him that it was really really sick to want to upset someone that much and she was TOTALLY disappointed in him. I think it was the first time she really lost it with him. It made an impact because she was his favorite person and he counted on her making his punishments less than what we said they would be. He countedo n it even though she didn't interfere often up to that point. But he thought she might until then. </p><p> </p><p>This was when she began to understand that though the behavior might be something a normal kid might do, it was teh extremes that it was taken to that made him a difficult child, Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 425624, member: 1233"] This is one of the things that bothered us the most with Wiz. The delight, even glee, that he got when he had succeeded in making someone get mad or lose their cool. He was genius at it, esp with husband. husband is a very gentle person and HATES to think that he is hurting someone. Even getting splinters out is hard because he knows that sometimes it has to hurt to get the splinter out. He also was just not capable of meeting Wiz on his level on topics that husband wasn't interested it. I could find something to enjoy in most of the things Wiz wanted to do but husband had a super hard time. he also never really "got" wiz' personality. So Wiz would do all sorts of things to get a reaction from him. Even now he cannot tell us why. I think it is a way to have control. They want to spread the chaos and fear they feel inside so that everyone feels as they feel. They like making someone upset because then they are controlling what that person does. It is fairly simple as a concept and impossible to stop. I do find that love and logic strategies work very well. At one time that kind of manipulation was rewarded with the loss of privilege. I stopped trying to explain why. he knew, they all know that it is the wrong thing to do. They will still say it is unfair, wrong, they didn't know better - and they will seem convincing. The fact is that they DO know better and it won't stop easily. So don't explain, redirect when possible or remove her to a room with no one to bother. That is what bothered Wiz the most. I would make him stay in a room by himself that had no tv or computer or video games. At one point I had to strip his room and still made him spend time there. My mother gave me the best tools for this. As a kid if we were starting to tease or fight or whatever she would call one of us to do a chore. take out the trash, clean the cat box, feed and water the dog, pck up something, etc... Never mentioned what we were doing, just "Susie, I need you to feed the dog." or "difficult child, please take out the trash now." If it didn't stop after that, another request was made of a similar type. If it still didn't stop? Life was NOT GOOD. No tv, or a longer tougher chore or both happened. She NEVER addressed the teasing/poking/provoking. But we soon figured out that if we were going to start doing whatever it was, we were going to get more chores. So we eventually stopped because we didn't want the consequences. She almost never lost her cool over this. Cries that it wasn't fair were met with "Life isn't fair. If life was fair I would be 5'6" and stacked." , She is a very petite small chested woman and there was NO way to argue with that. I will say that she was floored to see the lengths that Wiz took this to. it wasn't until we were living with her that she really saw it - and it was a total eye opener. One afternoon she interrupted him trying to upset Jessie 15 times!! Then she lost her cool with him and told him that it was really really sick to want to upset someone that much and she was TOTALLY disappointed in him. I think it was the first time she really lost it with him. It made an impact because she was his favorite person and he counted on her making his punishments less than what we said they would be. He countedo n it even though she didn't interfere often up to that point. But he thought she might until then. This was when she began to understand that though the behavior might be something a normal kid might do, it was teh extremes that it was taken to that made him a difficult child, Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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