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Do your difficult children seem to enjoy annoying u or others?
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<blockquote data-quote="P-nut2004" data-source="post: 425749" data-attributes="member: 11740"><p>Insane: Thank you so much for that suggestion, I pondered it quite a bit last night & the only 'activities' that L really loves are playing on her computer & arts/crafts. husband has decided we shouldn't take away her computer as punishment because she only does educational activities for the most part (however, when she's in trouble I wont let her watch movies on it) so I suppose I could find some better games and such for her. The arts & crafts stuff I know I could invest more in, I have been meaning to set aside an area in their playroom for just that. Right now the art supplies are so disorganized I get frustrated and 'ground' her from them & I have refused to buy anymore (because there are paper scraps and stickers and marker etc ALL over my house)....but I think giving her a dedicated place to go work on a project would help because she takes more pride in her artwork than anything else & she is REALLY good at it. So my mission for this weekend is now to get that corner set up and sorted for her. She is going to a magnet school next year that is better equipped to deal with her issues & they have a very 'free' learning style so I know she gets to choose to be in an art class & that should help too. Also thought of dedicating a wall as her 'gallery' to hang her work on. I LOVE this idea & again THANK YOU!</p><p></p><p>Jules: You are correct, flipping out and screaming will NOT work for this behavior (or any other with a difficult child really), I learned very quickly that this is what L wants so I wont completely lose my temper but it is very trying. I have learned to walk away if at all possible and cool down before coming back & trying again, it helps alot that K & C will step in and try to help calm L down when I'm at my limit.</p><p></p><p>Susie: You are correct, she knows its wrong, but she definitely feels no remorse when she's in these moods (or most of the time for that matter). I stripped her room months ago of everything but books & her computer (DHs idea to leave that ) and she is allowed only 3 dolls or stuffies on her bed. All other toys must stay in the playroom and if I find them around my house they go in the trash (I do stick to this *wince* unless its something I paid too much for to trash it LoL then it just 'disappears' for while). I try to remove her to her room when possible, unfortunately some days she literally will not stay in there and she is past me being able to put up a baby gate so I don't know what to do to keep her in confinement (FYI she has no door because she will shut it and block it). I have on occasion, when she's completely out of control, used a belt to secure her into a chair (like a seat belt) and placed her facing the wall for time out but she only stays there if I threaten physical punishment as a next step, which I HATE doing and its a total joke here anyway because I wont pop them hard & they all know it. It is soo hard with these kids to enforce boundaries when no punishment seems too bad to them, they are definitely more capable than most kids of weighing out the punishment and deciding "OK its worth it to lose a star" or "How is mom really going to KEEP me in my room?" it so exasperating. </p><p>As for the chores as 'punishment' I do exactly what ur mom did with K & C, if they are fighting I will not even threaten anything I just say "Alright, K go do the dishes & C go empty trash cans" and they balk but they do it & then they go behave quietly somewhere. L on the other hand will not do this, if she is misbehaving and I tell her its time to put her things away she either ignores me or she loses it, throws stuff, breaks stuff, stomps around screaming, its totally ineffective with her. Which is what, as you said, makes her a difficult child!</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to everyone dealing with this issue & thank you for the advice!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="P-nut2004, post: 425749, member: 11740"] Insane: Thank you so much for that suggestion, I pondered it quite a bit last night & the only 'activities' that L really loves are playing on her computer & arts/crafts. husband has decided we shouldn't take away her computer as punishment because she only does educational activities for the most part (however, when she's in trouble I wont let her watch movies on it) so I suppose I could find some better games and such for her. The arts & crafts stuff I know I could invest more in, I have been meaning to set aside an area in their playroom for just that. Right now the art supplies are so disorganized I get frustrated and 'ground' her from them & I have refused to buy anymore (because there are paper scraps and stickers and marker etc ALL over my house)....but I think giving her a dedicated place to go work on a project would help because she takes more pride in her artwork than anything else & she is REALLY good at it. So my mission for this weekend is now to get that corner set up and sorted for her. She is going to a magnet school next year that is better equipped to deal with her issues & they have a very 'free' learning style so I know she gets to choose to be in an art class & that should help too. Also thought of dedicating a wall as her 'gallery' to hang her work on. I LOVE this idea & again THANK YOU! Jules: You are correct, flipping out and screaming will NOT work for this behavior (or any other with a difficult child really), I learned very quickly that this is what L wants so I wont completely lose my temper but it is very trying. I have learned to walk away if at all possible and cool down before coming back & trying again, it helps alot that K & C will step in and try to help calm L down when I'm at my limit. Susie: You are correct, she knows its wrong, but she definitely feels no remorse when she's in these moods (or most of the time for that matter). I stripped her room months ago of everything but books & her computer (DHs idea to leave that ) and she is allowed only 3 dolls or stuffies on her bed. All other toys must stay in the playroom and if I find them around my house they go in the trash (I do stick to this *wince* unless its something I paid too much for to trash it LoL then it just 'disappears' for while). I try to remove her to her room when possible, unfortunately some days she literally will not stay in there and she is past me being able to put up a baby gate so I don't know what to do to keep her in confinement (FYI she has no door because she will shut it and block it). I have on occasion, when she's completely out of control, used a belt to secure her into a chair (like a seat belt) and placed her facing the wall for time out but she only stays there if I threaten physical punishment as a next step, which I HATE doing and its a total joke here anyway because I wont pop them hard & they all know it. It is soo hard with these kids to enforce boundaries when no punishment seems too bad to them, they are definitely more capable than most kids of weighing out the punishment and deciding "OK its worth it to lose a star" or "How is mom really going to KEEP me in my room?" it so exasperating. As for the chores as 'punishment' I do exactly what ur mom did with K & C, if they are fighting I will not even threaten anything I just say "Alright, K go do the dishes & C go empty trash cans" and they balk but they do it & then they go behave quietly somewhere. L on the other hand will not do this, if she is misbehaving and I tell her its time to put her things away she either ignores me or she loses it, throws stuff, breaks stuff, stomps around screaming, its totally ineffective with her. Which is what, as you said, makes her a difficult child! ((HUGS)) to everyone dealing with this issue & thank you for the advice! [/QUOTE]
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