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Does it ever get better? Daughter forged my checks
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609400" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Even if the grown abusive child(ren) has nowhere to go, sometimes we have to show them the door anyway. You are an abused parent. This label is starting to be acknowledged. Some kids abuse their parents and we think we have to put up with it because we can never ever not be there for our kids, even if they are 25 or 35, and even though they steal from us, swear at us, and make our lives hello. </p><p></p><p>Recovering Enabler is 100% right. Your life will get better, even good to great if you are willing to detach from your adult children who are abusing you. At their ages, they should be established and if they aren't, it is usually due to terrible decisions THEY made. They have no right to live with you. It is YOUR house. If they want to abuse you and refuse to do the things you ask of them, they have NO right to live with you. Find them a list of shelters and places where they serve meals, give it to them, and pack the suitcase if they flat out refuse to change. And, by the way, only THEY can change themselves. You can't. The only person who can change ANYONE is THAT PERSON.</p><p></p><p>You deserve a peaceful life without your grown kids living with you creating drama and chaos and, in the bargain, telling you absurdly what YOU are doing wrong. They will never change if you keep them home while they abuse you...giving them food, a cell phone, the internet, car usage, a warm soft bed, etc. If they are going to change, they need to learn that you are not going to take care of them until you finally die of a bleeding ulcer from all of their activities. Be sure to change the password to your ATM and all your credit and debit cards. It is heinous that your children are stealing from you. Don't allow it.</p><p></p><p>There are people who love you and that's who you should spend time with. You should get back to your hobbies and interests and reconnect with those who were important to you before your adult kids hijacked your life. Like many of our grown kids who act irrationally, your daughter may have a personality disorder, such as borderline, but even so your daughter needs to decide, "I will get help" or she will not change. I have a son who is mentally ill, but is so toxic to me and has made so many threats, he can never live in my house, no matter what. I'm afraid for not just myself, but my husband and his siblings, who can't stand him. I won't visit him either. I'm afraid. He lives a few states away and is fortunately phobic about driving too far from home. I have learned to talk to him on the phone for only as long as I can handle it and to successfully put our phonecalls out of my mind once they end.</p><p></p><p>I wish you the strength to detach from these adults. I suggest a therapist to help you detach and, if substance abuse is involved, AA anad NA can be wonderful support systems and resources. It's time for you to enjoy the rest of your life. You were a parent long enough. Now it's time for your kids to deal with their lives without you, whatever they decide to do. All of us deserve serenity and happiness. Most of us have done more for our kids than most people do if their kids don't have ANY problems because we had to. Our job is down. It's up to our adult children to pick up from there and it's our time to relax.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, but I think it will get better if you learn detachment!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609400, member: 1550"] Even if the grown abusive child(ren) has nowhere to go, sometimes we have to show them the door anyway. You are an abused parent. This label is starting to be acknowledged. Some kids abuse their parents and we think we have to put up with it because we can never ever not be there for our kids, even if they are 25 or 35, and even though they steal from us, swear at us, and make our lives hello. Recovering Enabler is 100% right. Your life will get better, even good to great if you are willing to detach from your adult children who are abusing you. At their ages, they should be established and if they aren't, it is usually due to terrible decisions THEY made. They have no right to live with you. It is YOUR house. If they want to abuse you and refuse to do the things you ask of them, they have NO right to live with you. Find them a list of shelters and places where they serve meals, give it to them, and pack the suitcase if they flat out refuse to change. And, by the way, only THEY can change themselves. You can't. The only person who can change ANYONE is THAT PERSON. You deserve a peaceful life without your grown kids living with you creating drama and chaos and, in the bargain, telling you absurdly what YOU are doing wrong. They will never change if you keep them home while they abuse you...giving them food, a cell phone, the internet, car usage, a warm soft bed, etc. If they are going to change, they need to learn that you are not going to take care of them until you finally die of a bleeding ulcer from all of their activities. Be sure to change the password to your ATM and all your credit and debit cards. It is heinous that your children are stealing from you. Don't allow it. There are people who love you and that's who you should spend time with. You should get back to your hobbies and interests and reconnect with those who were important to you before your adult kids hijacked your life. Like many of our grown kids who act irrationally, your daughter may have a personality disorder, such as borderline, but even so your daughter needs to decide, "I will get help" or she will not change. I have a son who is mentally ill, but is so toxic to me and has made so many threats, he can never live in my house, no matter what. I'm afraid for not just myself, but my husband and his siblings, who can't stand him. I won't visit him either. I'm afraid. He lives a few states away and is fortunately phobic about driving too far from home. I have learned to talk to him on the phone for only as long as I can handle it and to successfully put our phonecalls out of my mind once they end. I wish you the strength to detach from these adults. I suggest a therapist to help you detach and, if substance abuse is involved, AA anad NA can be wonderful support systems and resources. It's time for you to enjoy the rest of your life. You were a parent long enough. Now it's time for your kids to deal with their lives without you, whatever they decide to do. All of us deserve serenity and happiness. Most of us have done more for our kids than most people do if their kids don't have ANY problems because we had to. Our job is down. It's up to our adult children to pick up from there and it's our time to relax. Hugs and I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, but I think it will get better if you learn detachment!! :) [/QUOTE]
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Does it ever get better? Daughter forged my checks
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