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Does it ever get better? Daughter forged my checks
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609420" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We will always listen with compassion.</p><p></p><p>One thing about worrying about your relationship with the twins. Please try to let go of that fear. You are dealing with two adult kids who are acting like criminals toward you. It is unlikely they will like you if you shut down their gig. They probably both have personality disorders. I'm convinced ALL of the adult kids who bring us here are in some way personality-disordered, even if the trigger is drug abuse and the adult kids were nice before that. You seem well aware of these things...you can't have a halfway sane relationship with anyone with a personality disorder if they are not in their own intense and very difficult recovery, and that is 100% on their shoulders.</p><p></p><p>I have a good relationship with three of my five kids. One of my kids I don't even list as a kid of mine because we adopted him at six and he walked out on the family as soon as he found a SO and will not have anything to do with his siblings and me and this has gone on for six years now so I decided not to include him as one of my kids in my signature. He most certainly will probably never see me again. I can't control it. His attachment to us is "iffy" since he came to us at such an old age and from another country and unless he makes contact on his own, I am totally detached from him. I did grieve and moved on because my three "nice" kids and my awesome husband need me to be the best "me" I can be, and I deserve a good life in spite of this grown child rejecting me. It did take therapy to do it, but I have really done well. And I have a shaky relationship with an adult child I call 35 (his age) just because he is both mentally ill and personality-disordered. He also is a functional alcoholic. He can get very abusive and my relationship with him is sort of "I will talk to you on the phone until you start swearing at me and calling me names and then *click*." </p><p></p><p>We have no control over how our grown adult children will act toward us anymore than we can control how they treat themselves. I do think it's high time all three of them stay away from your home. I don't know how old you are, but I turned 60 this year and I intend to enjoy my golden years and hope they are long and healthy and am doing all I can to really throw myself into this new phase of life (I am very much enjoying it). Remember that chronic stress is very bad for our health in so many ways. Don't let your grown children destroy what should be your post-parenting years and cause you so much stress that you get ill. YOU are important and worthy of a full life apart from their dysfunction. So do all of us. THat's why we gather here to support one another. If you are in recovery, you can not allow the stress of them to take you out of recovery. by the way, GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You are STRONG.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure I speak for all when I say I am very happy you took a chance and posted here and hope you feel safe posting whenever you like. Doubt there is anything you could say that would shock us or make us tired of hearing from you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609420, member: 1550"] We will always listen with compassion. One thing about worrying about your relationship with the twins. Please try to let go of that fear. You are dealing with two adult kids who are acting like criminals toward you. It is unlikely they will like you if you shut down their gig. They probably both have personality disorders. I'm convinced ALL of the adult kids who bring us here are in some way personality-disordered, even if the trigger is drug abuse and the adult kids were nice before that. You seem well aware of these things...you can't have a halfway sane relationship with anyone with a personality disorder if they are not in their own intense and very difficult recovery, and that is 100% on their shoulders. I have a good relationship with three of my five kids. One of my kids I don't even list as a kid of mine because we adopted him at six and he walked out on the family as soon as he found a SO and will not have anything to do with his siblings and me and this has gone on for six years now so I decided not to include him as one of my kids in my signature. He most certainly will probably never see me again. I can't control it. His attachment to us is "iffy" since he came to us at such an old age and from another country and unless he makes contact on his own, I am totally detached from him. I did grieve and moved on because my three "nice" kids and my awesome husband need me to be the best "me" I can be, and I deserve a good life in spite of this grown child rejecting me. It did take therapy to do it, but I have really done well. And I have a shaky relationship with an adult child I call 35 (his age) just because he is both mentally ill and personality-disordered. He also is a functional alcoholic. He can get very abusive and my relationship with him is sort of "I will talk to you on the phone until you start swearing at me and calling me names and then *click*." We have no control over how our grown adult children will act toward us anymore than we can control how they treat themselves. I do think it's high time all three of them stay away from your home. I don't know how old you are, but I turned 60 this year and I intend to enjoy my golden years and hope they are long and healthy and am doing all I can to really throw myself into this new phase of life (I am very much enjoying it). Remember that chronic stress is very bad for our health in so many ways. Don't let your grown children destroy what should be your post-parenting years and cause you so much stress that you get ill. YOU are important and worthy of a full life apart from their dysfunction. So do all of us. THat's why we gather here to support one another. If you are in recovery, you can not allow the stress of them to take you out of recovery. by the way, GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You are STRONG. I'm sure I speak for all when I say I am very happy you took a chance and posted here and hope you feel safe posting whenever you like. Doubt there is anything you could say that would shock us or make us tired of hearing from you. [/QUOTE]
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Does it ever get better? Daughter forged my checks
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