Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Does Your difficult child have Trouble with "Nice - ness" ?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 420557" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>What can help, probably the only thing that can help, is role play coupled with positive reinforcement. Use every example as a learning opportunity, just as you did today. Praise her for being able to explain how she feels - it's not easy to admit to such stuff and she articulated it very well.</p><p></p><p>The only way an Aspie can learn, is by lesson and practice. For example, difficult child 3 often asks me to get his lunch for him but asks tersely. "Mum - food." </p><p>husband's response is, "Whose dog are you ordering about?" which actually doesn't help. What works better is a reminder. "Try again, but ask nicely." Or if he need more specific instruction I will say, "Mum, please will you get me some lunch?" and wait for him to repeat it after me, at which point I say, "Certainly, son, you asked me so nicely. It will be a pleasure."</p><p>We make fun out of it, treat it pleasantly (light, not not trivial) and the lesson is more easily learned. I am getting through to him.</p><p></p><p>Interestingly, mother in law who can be very obtuse with him sometimes, has often been the one to make some interesting breakthroughs using exactly this technique. Every night we go to her place for dinner (I cook mostly). difficult child 3 often turns up lat. mother in law insists he greet her politely on arrival. She prefers him to speak first with, "Hello, grandma." If she has to say, "Hello, difficult child 3" first, she makes it clear by her manner and tone that he ws too slow in speaking first. Mostly she makes eye contact with him and holds it - it is enough now for him to remember. I've also prompted with discreet hand signals behind mother in law's back, to difficult child 3 to not forget to greet his grandma.</p><p></p><p>When he was little and mostly non-verbal. it was mother in law who used to say to him, "I love you, difficult child 3." Every time. And then one day, he said it back. "I love you." It was almost certainly echolalia (repeating back what he had just heard), but he said it to HER. She had put in the effort with him and was well rewarded. Justly rewarded. It was another year I think, before one day he came to me, put his head on my leg for a minute, and said, "I love you, Mummy." By that time he was well into an every-time ritual of exchanging "I love you"s with his grandma.</p><p></p><p>What are grandmas for?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 420557, member: 1991"] What can help, probably the only thing that can help, is role play coupled with positive reinforcement. Use every example as a learning opportunity, just as you did today. Praise her for being able to explain how she feels - it's not easy to admit to such stuff and she articulated it very well. The only way an Aspie can learn, is by lesson and practice. For example, difficult child 3 often asks me to get his lunch for him but asks tersely. "Mum - food." husband's response is, "Whose dog are you ordering about?" which actually doesn't help. What works better is a reminder. "Try again, but ask nicely." Or if he need more specific instruction I will say, "Mum, please will you get me some lunch?" and wait for him to repeat it after me, at which point I say, "Certainly, son, you asked me so nicely. It will be a pleasure." We make fun out of it, treat it pleasantly (light, not not trivial) and the lesson is more easily learned. I am getting through to him. Interestingly, mother in law who can be very obtuse with him sometimes, has often been the one to make some interesting breakthroughs using exactly this technique. Every night we go to her place for dinner (I cook mostly). difficult child 3 often turns up lat. mother in law insists he greet her politely on arrival. She prefers him to speak first with, "Hello, grandma." If she has to say, "Hello, difficult child 3" first, she makes it clear by her manner and tone that he ws too slow in speaking first. Mostly she makes eye contact with him and holds it - it is enough now for him to remember. I've also prompted with discreet hand signals behind mother in law's back, to difficult child 3 to not forget to greet his grandma. When he was little and mostly non-verbal. it was mother in law who used to say to him, "I love you, difficult child 3." Every time. And then one day, he said it back. "I love you." It was almost certainly echolalia (repeating back what he had just heard), but he said it to HER. She had put in the effort with him and was well rewarded. Justly rewarded. It was another year I think, before one day he came to me, put his head on my leg for a minute, and said, "I love you, Mummy." By that time he was well into an every-time ritual of exchanging "I love you"s with his grandma. What are grandmas for? Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Does Your difficult child have Trouble with "Nice - ness" ?
Top