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Don't Understand abt the Court Stuff
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 302788" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>In an indirect way, sort of, the courts can put husband in a position to choose between you and his son if you are not compliant with court orders for intensive family therapy or mst- unless the therapist decides to leave you out of it. But if you are left out of it, then that means you don't get a say in the rules and given the state of your marital problems, I doubt that will work. So, if it should get to a point where husband has to go to court because his son was ordered all this but the family wouldn't get on board, the judge will probably pressure him to comply with the court order and do the therapy, even if it costs his marriage.</p><p></p><p>As far as if the son gets turned over to the state, that doesn't mean it's forever. My son was committed to state Department of Juvenile Justice. Thhis happened last winter and he is due to get out in Feb. on good behavior. He will return home unless I refuse to allow it. Then, that can be a whole new can of worms. But, this is not the same thing as losing parental rights. My family does not understand that but I did not "lose custody". difficult child's custody was given to Department of Juvenile Justice due to difficult child's illegal activity, not any activity I did or didn't do - other than the fact that I told the court difficult child needed to be in a secure facility at that time and I told them I couldn't afford to have difficult child come back home rigght then and do intensive family therapy (which was true). This was preceeded by worse actions by my son than your husband's son and that had a lot to do with my decision. Still, I vissit my son, am trying to get family therapy while he's incarcerated, will have to pay child support to the state, etc. So, this is not over even if "the state takes" your husband's son.</p><p></p><p>Look at it this way- if, at court, difficult child's defense attny says that there is some question about whether or not difficult child had the stuff planted on him and you jump up and say "no he did not" and husband shoots you a dirty look, the judge sees BIG family problems. The judge doesn't know who's telling the truth or not but figures the family problems are a big red flag for difficult child's behavior problems. Even if you are right, the marital discord can fuel the difficult child behavior. So, there is a possibility that the judge will order intensive therapy based on this alone.</p><p></p><p>I suggest reminding yourself that either you can't stand this kid and don't want to be married to husband because of that, or that difficult child cannot ruin your marriage and whatever marital problems you have are due to your and husband's poor relationship, not his kid. If you are determined to divorce husband no matter what, the issues are still to be dealt with in divorce court, not juvenile delinquent court. What scenario would you stay with your husband- short of him all of a sudden saying "you are right- I'm going to make sure difficult child is sent somewhere else to live AND I will get the therapy you want and change as soon as possible"?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 302788, member: 3699"] In an indirect way, sort of, the courts can put husband in a position to choose between you and his son if you are not compliant with court orders for intensive family therapy or mst- unless the therapist decides to leave you out of it. But if you are left out of it, then that means you don't get a say in the rules and given the state of your marital problems, I doubt that will work. So, if it should get to a point where husband has to go to court because his son was ordered all this but the family wouldn't get on board, the judge will probably pressure him to comply with the court order and do the therapy, even if it costs his marriage. As far as if the son gets turned over to the state, that doesn't mean it's forever. My son was committed to state Department of Juvenile Justice. Thhis happened last winter and he is due to get out in Feb. on good behavior. He will return home unless I refuse to allow it. Then, that can be a whole new can of worms. But, this is not the same thing as losing parental rights. My family does not understand that but I did not "lose custody". difficult child's custody was given to Department of Juvenile Justice due to difficult child's illegal activity, not any activity I did or didn't do - other than the fact that I told the court difficult child needed to be in a secure facility at that time and I told them I couldn't afford to have difficult child come back home rigght then and do intensive family therapy (which was true). This was preceeded by worse actions by my son than your husband's son and that had a lot to do with my decision. Still, I vissit my son, am trying to get family therapy while he's incarcerated, will have to pay child support to the state, etc. So, this is not over even if "the state takes" your husband's son. Look at it this way- if, at court, difficult child's defense attny says that there is some question about whether or not difficult child had the stuff planted on him and you jump up and say "no he did not" and husband shoots you a dirty look, the judge sees BIG family problems. The judge doesn't know who's telling the truth or not but figures the family problems are a big red flag for difficult child's behavior problems. Even if you are right, the marital discord can fuel the difficult child behavior. So, there is a possibility that the judge will order intensive therapy based on this alone. I suggest reminding yourself that either you can't stand this kid and don't want to be married to husband because of that, or that difficult child cannot ruin your marriage and whatever marital problems you have are due to your and husband's poor relationship, not his kid. If you are determined to divorce husband no matter what, the issues are still to be dealt with in divorce court, not juvenile delinquent court. What scenario would you stay with your husband- short of him all of a sudden saying "you are right- I'm going to make sure difficult child is sent somewhere else to live AND I will get the therapy you want and change as soon as possible"? [/QUOTE]
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