Ok, so husband has a meeting with the PubDef today. They had the competency assessment last week which husband didn't want to tell me anything about since it would 'just make me mad' and said 'it's hard to hear that stuff about your kid'. So I don't know what happened. There's another court ordered psychiatric assessment tomorrow. Today husband called from work and said the meeting with the PubDef didn't go well. They sat around and the atty didn't know anything, and then the one assigned to difficult child was too busy, so he was assigned to someone else who hadn't even read the file and they were going to do more psychological assessments and look more into the family life and he didn't know what all. He said he'd find out he guessed on Sept 10. Then he said, "You aren't going to court are you?" I said, "I got the day off, yes I'm going." He said again, "You don't need to go, you really don't." (right, no way am I NOT going). I changed the subject: "Do you know if it's a hearing or the trial itself." He said it was the trial. He was very discouraged. He's also $109 in the hole at the bank. It turns out he made a telephone check to difficult child's psychiatric hospital and authorized $140 and they went and took all $700, so he has bounced checks and no money for 2 weeks. He was driving my extra car, it costs $454 a month and up until about April he paid for it, but then he stopped and I had to pick it up, then a couple weeks ago he backed into something and caused $1000 which he said he couldn't afford. I said I couldn't afford the car either and was going to get rid of it; he got upset and mean about it (it's in my name, thus my problem); I said either he paid for it or he didn't drive it. And he's been sulking big time about it. He has to drive his 1989 rusty beater truck now and is very bitter and resentful about it. I feel bad for him, but heck, he's had a garnishment order for $300 a month against his ex's SSDI and has been meaning to turn it into social security since last October--but hasn't even though he only works 32 hours a week. And if someone has to put the car on a credit card, it should be the one who drives it not me. So he wanted to know if I ever paid him back for the $100 he paid on my tire a couple weeks ago (that's what we were doing when I confronted him in the car about letting difficult child roam the house while I was with my son was in the hospital). He's dripping with self pity right now. His marriage is in the toilet, his son is in legal trouble, his finances are effed up, he's 48 and driving a beat up 20 year old truck that screams 'loser', he admits he drinks too much, his mother and brother are mad at him and last spring his company went from 210 employees to 47, and the 47 remaining all lost 20% of their pay and hours. "What part of my life is good?" he asked me. (oh and he's lost the garnishment paper that he needs to turn into social security). I really can't answer: seems to me somebody needs to make some changes. Seems to me there's no one riding up on a white horse to rescue you from your problems. Seems to me you should have been nicer to your wife so she wants to work with you on these problems rather than just set herself up to protect herself from the fall out of your life disintegrating (hence why I'm getting rid of that extra car, saves me on payment and insurance. I'm going to have to eat some of it, but I don't want more debt than I have to have if I go my separate way. In any case, I guess I'm not surprised about the PubDef not being organzied or having much time for difficult child's case. He's 12 and has a 4th degree felony for possessing rx drugs with-o an r/x. It's his fourth one, so I'm guessing they figure he's just a problem kid and there's not much they can do, the judge will do what the judge will do, it's hardly a crisis compared to some of the real problems they have, older kids who are in danger of going into the court system, 16 year olds with robberies or assault and batteries or rapes, or severely mentally ill kids who have parents who have washed their hands of them or refuse to take them back home. I don't know. Anyone have a read on what's going on? At court last time, the PubDef was all gung-ho, don't worry about it, it'll be a diversion program or a little community service, we'll find a defense. Now it's, we have no time, we have no info, see you in court on the Sept 10. Of course husband isn't telling me everything. Those of you who have been to court, have you any idea what I might expect? Do you suppose the prosecutor and defender have pretty much made a deal behind the scenes? But why wouldn't they say to husband, "We've talked and they are offering this and that, which I think is a good deal?" Have they written difficult child off? If so, why? Because they know how the judge is likely to rule? Very stressed out here.