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Don't Understand abt the Court Stuff
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 302792" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>Yes, I've told husband that difficult child will be back, as has the CPS lady. But husband still moans he's abandonning his son--as if he has any say in it any more. The average stay in juvvy in this state is 5 months. So difficult child will be back. I don't think there's an option to refuse since he wasn't violent. He's young so he might get less.</p><p> </p><p>The average for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is a year. But he might get more because he's young and very troubled. </p><p> </p><p>Or beds are scarce and state money is tight, so they might give him and us intensive counselling. That won't work even if I participate. But if I choose to participate I will be bringing up the drinking. And if I file for divorce, I don't see how the judge can compell me, since I'm not longer part of the family. It's my house so I can't be made to leave. I've done nothing wrong except to say I don't want to be married to my husband any more and don't want to parent a child who is not mine. </p><p> </p><p>If they find difficult child not guilty, I think I'm going to ask husband to send difficult child up north for the schoolyear to live with mother in law while husband and I settle the divorce and break up the house. In fact, if difficult child is found guilty and only gone a month or two I think I'll ask that anyway. I can't see living much more in this house with husband and difficult child under any circumstances. I'm just too old for this nonstop drama. </p><p> </p><p>husband's brother lived two or three years with a family friend because mother in law was such a mess as a single mother she couldn't cope. So the family thinks farming out kids is not a bad thing. And right now everyone thinks it will give mother in law something to do and get her out of their hair. She desperately wants to raise difficult child--but it will be a disaster, she can barely spend a weekend with him without dissolving into tears because he's not fulfilling her grandma fantasy. But it won't be my problem. By the time difficult child has them all convinced that he was criminally abused here and turned sisterinlaw against motherinlaw and played games with knives and syrup and stolen enough money and pretty much has used up all their codependency fantansies and they are ready to throw him back to husband or file for permenant custody, I'll be gone. </p><p> </p><p>The more I think about it, the I think about it, the more I think my sister is right that husband does secretly want difficult child out of his hair and in more capable hands, but can't face that truth about himself. I think he'll be glad to send difficult child off and blame me while we get the house sold and our new separate lives settled.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 302792, member: 5169"] Yes, I've told husband that difficult child will be back, as has the CPS lady. But husband still moans he's abandonning his son--as if he has any say in it any more. The average stay in juvvy in this state is 5 months. So difficult child will be back. I don't think there's an option to refuse since he wasn't violent. He's young so he might get less. The average for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is a year. But he might get more because he's young and very troubled. Or beds are scarce and state money is tight, so they might give him and us intensive counselling. That won't work even if I participate. But if I choose to participate I will be bringing up the drinking. And if I file for divorce, I don't see how the judge can compell me, since I'm not longer part of the family. It's my house so I can't be made to leave. I've done nothing wrong except to say I don't want to be married to my husband any more and don't want to parent a child who is not mine. If they find difficult child not guilty, I think I'm going to ask husband to send difficult child up north for the schoolyear to live with mother in law while husband and I settle the divorce and break up the house. In fact, if difficult child is found guilty and only gone a month or two I think I'll ask that anyway. I can't see living much more in this house with husband and difficult child under any circumstances. I'm just too old for this nonstop drama. husband's brother lived two or three years with a family friend because mother in law was such a mess as a single mother she couldn't cope. So the family thinks farming out kids is not a bad thing. And right now everyone thinks it will give mother in law something to do and get her out of their hair. She desperately wants to raise difficult child--but it will be a disaster, she can barely spend a weekend with him without dissolving into tears because he's not fulfilling her grandma fantasy. But it won't be my problem. By the time difficult child has them all convinced that he was criminally abused here and turned sisterinlaw against motherinlaw and played games with knives and syrup and stolen enough money and pretty much has used up all their codependency fantansies and they are ready to throw him back to husband or file for permenant custody, I'll be gone. The more I think about it, the I think about it, the more I think my sister is right that husband does secretly want difficult child out of his hair and in more capable hands, but can't face that truth about himself. I think he'll be glad to send difficult child off and blame me while we get the house sold and our new separate lives settled. [/QUOTE]
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