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Parent Emeritus
Doubt and Guilt...Need a reality check
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 654225" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>I struggle to keep from "reminding" my son about things. He has a court date in May - to prove he has completed his community service (he hasn't yet) and pay his court costs (he hasn't yet), or to show good cause why he has not. I want to remind him, I really do. Sunday I kind of reminded him that we aren't paying his rent again after May...which he knew...but I didn't mention the court date. </p><p> </p><p>Will I remind my son about his court date? Maybe. Should I? Probably not. But in the end will it matter either way? Not really. He'll either go or not. He'll either do the community service or not. It's up to him. But it may make ME feel better to remind him - like I've done my duty - even though it really isn't my duty at all. </p><p> </p><p>In your case? Well she's missed one court date, so there's a warrant. If she goes to the next one she may be arrested on that warrant. She probably knows that, in which case she may not show on purpose. Two warrants are not that much worse than one. In her mind, it may be like she's already in trouble, so who cares if she's in a little more trouble. </p><p> </p><p>So, will your reminder do any actual good? Will it make her suddenly decide to go to court and face the music? Chances are it won't. But you can say you reminded her...you did what you could and the rest is up to her.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes it's about what makes YOU feel better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 654225, member: 17309"] I struggle to keep from "reminding" my son about things. He has a court date in May - to prove he has completed his community service (he hasn't yet) and pay his court costs (he hasn't yet), or to show good cause why he has not. I want to remind him, I really do. Sunday I kind of reminded him that we aren't paying his rent again after May...which he knew...but I didn't mention the court date. Will I remind my son about his court date? Maybe. Should I? Probably not. But in the end will it matter either way? Not really. He'll either go or not. He'll either do the community service or not. It's up to him. But it may make ME feel better to remind him - like I've done my duty - even though it really isn't my duty at all. In your case? Well she's missed one court date, so there's a warrant. If she goes to the next one she may be arrested on that warrant. She probably knows that, in which case she may not show on purpose. Two warrants are not that much worse than one. In her mind, it may be like she's already in trouble, so who cares if she's in a little more trouble. So, will your reminder do any actual good? Will it make her suddenly decide to go to court and face the music? Chances are it won't. But you can say you reminded her...you did what you could and the rest is up to her. Sometimes it's about what makes YOU feel better. [/QUOTE]
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Doubt and Guilt...Need a reality check
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