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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 317790" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Nomad, I also take therapy input with a grain of salt because many therapists make little distinction between oppositional behavior and "stupid". I use that term lovingly. It's their inability to make safe or n/t decisions because their brains do not process information correctly. I consider this not self serving behavior but a result of a brain wrinkle. The information doesn't get deposited in the right file.</p><p></p><p>As far as her safety goes, I think husband is right on. He has every right to be concerned for her safety. She is a vulnerable woman who should have a safety net that makes sure she has life skills understanding about locking doors and not having strangers in the house. Does she have a caseworker? Shouldn't that be something that is addressed. </p><p></p><p>As far as conversations with therapist with or without daughter, I have 2 thoughts. If it is a family meeting about treating difficult child as an adult then therapist is off the mark to speak to husband as the child. If the conversation was discussion vs. reprimand than by all means difficult child should be part of the discussion. I would not tolerate being spoken to as a child since I try very hard to not talk to difficult child as a child and to not interfere in anything that is not a safety issue. If he takes the inititative to bring things up then I am part of the conversation. </p><p></p><p>As far as being evaluated for developmental delays, it's a start and may get difficult child some further services. I know too well that a high IQ without function is just a number. It means with the right teaching she has the ability to learn what she needs to know for basic living. It does not mean she will learn it. It does not mean we know how to teach her so that she understands. difficult child has been fortunate in that she hasn't been physically hurt or assaulted. You do live in a very dangerous city. Does she know anyone who has been beaten bloody or raped brutally? I would make a point of showing her the consequences of not using basic safety skills to protect herself. I lived in your city. I'm hardly a shrinking violet and no way would I go out after dark to walk the dog alone let alone not lock the door. </p><p></p><p>She would do well with an independent apartment with some supervision. Caseworker who keeps in touch and makes sure she is using her life skills. Being paired with someone who is less functional on one level may be balanced by this person having skills difficult child doesn't have. My difficult child has a lot of independent skills but he should be partnered with someone who may look as independent but can do some of the things difficult child can't. Ex0 my difficult child could drive to the super market but roommate can manage the budget and keeping track of who owes what and making the bills get paid on time. A living arrangement is like a marriage. Strengths and weaknesses should be balanced for both parties. They aren't ever going to live in a situation that is perfect. Their disability is too great. I believe your state is stretched pretty thin with services going to the worst cases. </p><p></p><p>Even the county parks and recreation here has organizations that are geared to adults with some delays. Some are severe but not all. One difficult child attended was too severe. Non verbal and such but difficult child couldn't have a conversation or share so it didn't work. We try everything we can find or is offered in hopes that things will work. He almost got a roommate but after several attemps the young man and difficult child just couldn't click. Such is life. I know my difficult child is very friendly and out going but he has to get something back. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think husband has reason to be annoyed with therapist and difficult child but he might not want to overfocus on his feelings. A conversation with the therapist about how he expects to be treated should suffice. The real focus is how to difficult child to make better decisions and live in a safer environment. </p><p></p><p>She, like my difficult child, are just inches from functioning. It's actually more frustrating than when they were farther away from the goal.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 317790, member: 3"] Nomad, I also take therapy input with a grain of salt because many therapists make little distinction between oppositional behavior and "stupid". I use that term lovingly. It's their inability to make safe or n/t decisions because their brains do not process information correctly. I consider this not self serving behavior but a result of a brain wrinkle. The information doesn't get deposited in the right file. As far as her safety goes, I think husband is right on. He has every right to be concerned for her safety. She is a vulnerable woman who should have a safety net that makes sure she has life skills understanding about locking doors and not having strangers in the house. Does she have a caseworker? Shouldn't that be something that is addressed. As far as conversations with therapist with or without daughter, I have 2 thoughts. If it is a family meeting about treating difficult child as an adult then therapist is off the mark to speak to husband as the child. If the conversation was discussion vs. reprimand than by all means difficult child should be part of the discussion. I would not tolerate being spoken to as a child since I try very hard to not talk to difficult child as a child and to not interfere in anything that is not a safety issue. If he takes the inititative to bring things up then I am part of the conversation. As far as being evaluated for developmental delays, it's a start and may get difficult child some further services. I know too well that a high IQ without function is just a number. It means with the right teaching she has the ability to learn what she needs to know for basic living. It does not mean she will learn it. It does not mean we know how to teach her so that she understands. difficult child has been fortunate in that she hasn't been physically hurt or assaulted. You do live in a very dangerous city. Does she know anyone who has been beaten bloody or raped brutally? I would make a point of showing her the consequences of not using basic safety skills to protect herself. I lived in your city. I'm hardly a shrinking violet and no way would I go out after dark to walk the dog alone let alone not lock the door. She would do well with an independent apartment with some supervision. Caseworker who keeps in touch and makes sure she is using her life skills. Being paired with someone who is less functional on one level may be balanced by this person having skills difficult child doesn't have. My difficult child has a lot of independent skills but he should be partnered with someone who may look as independent but can do some of the things difficult child can't. Ex0 my difficult child could drive to the super market but roommate can manage the budget and keeping track of who owes what and making the bills get paid on time. A living arrangement is like a marriage. Strengths and weaknesses should be balanced for both parties. They aren't ever going to live in a situation that is perfect. Their disability is too great. I believe your state is stretched pretty thin with services going to the worst cases. Even the county parks and recreation here has organizations that are geared to adults with some delays. Some are severe but not all. One difficult child attended was too severe. Non verbal and such but difficult child couldn't have a conversation or share so it didn't work. We try everything we can find or is offered in hopes that things will work. He almost got a roommate but after several attemps the young man and difficult child just couldn't click. Such is life. I know my difficult child is very friendly and out going but he has to get something back. Anyway, I think husband has reason to be annoyed with therapist and difficult child but he might not want to overfocus on his feelings. A conversation with the therapist about how he expects to be treated should suffice. The real focus is how to difficult child to make better decisions and live in a safer environment. She, like my difficult child, are just inches from functioning. It's actually more frustrating than when they were farther away from the goal. [/QUOTE]
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