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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 318000" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nomad, </p><p> </p><p>After reading the above posts and going through much of the same, I can agree with much of that which had been said. As far as the therapist's comments? I would chalk it up to a frustrated person/human and accept the apology and go from there. in my humble opinion your husband had the right to be upset about her comments in front of your daughter. Whatever her reason was for saying what she did? What's done is done. Move on from here. </p><p> </p><p>I too was trying to think about how many moves she's had in the last couple of years. The messiness and the people /reasons she's allowed to live with her and the number of things you've done to help her (you being you and husband). What about the last suggestion I had of paying someone to come a few times a week to teach her life skills? Check up on her? And if she does good; reward her? If she does poorly the life skills teacher helps her? (while you're waiting for everything else to come to fruition?) </p><p> </p><p>I mean this keeps peace with HER in her current living situation - </p><p>It would be as IF she had a caseworker - so really its almost like what husband whats, but ....not really butting in.</p><p>IT's as close to a caseworker as you're going to get for now without the wait. </p><p>It is someone that would be checking in with her/and the landlord so if things were going South? Nip it in the bud time. </p><p>If she were to bring home strays? The "life skills person" would toss them out pronto. </p><p>If the house is messy - Life skills person - says TODAY is house cleaning day. </p><p>If there are jobs available - Life skills person says TODAY is job application day. </p><p>If the job is available? Life skills person would take her to and from work 2-3 days a week? </p><p> </p><p>Kinda like an adult safety net/baby sitter that would send you and husband a report card/email once a week and let you LIVE YOUR LIFE...so that there is NO MORE I CAN NOT TAKE THIS....in YOUR house. </p><p> </p><p>Belive me if I could afford to put Dude in his own place? I would. If I coudl afford to have someone stand by him? I would. Someone who would be a good influence on him and make sure he clicked with that person and did the right thing. So that I would not worry. </p><p> </p><p>Think about how much you'd pay for peace.....</p><p> </p><p>I dunno - if you aren't ready to say - GET OUT ON THE STREETS...maybe for now this would do. Maybe it's a compromise that you can both live with and set a day/time and say if she blows THIS by XX day ////shes on her own and we have done EVERYTHING in our power ...and know that you really did do everything. Even hire a 21 year old a sitter. ??? </p><p> </p><p>I have no other idea....other than setting her out on her own and saying - When you get tired of life biting your butt - maybe you'll change. Sometimes WE as parents aren't ready to let that happen for whatever reason. If not? You have to ask yourselves- Is THIS an acceptable compromise or is THIS putting of the invevitable until I can deal with the inevitable...and am I just delaying what I know is going to be the inevitable future for my child in hopes that this one more thing would change her? </p><p> </p><p>I'm eternally hopeful, but I pray every day I'm not a doormat and for me? I've already buried one child this year - so I wasn't quite able to put Dude in the park like I thought I'd be able to. I'm not so sure he wouldnt' have been happier there than here....but at least I have hot water. lol. </p><p> </p><p>I hope you find something that works. I think the gals who have children who are older and who have been through the worst of the worst have given you some really solid advice. I actually see THEIR faces when I think about doing something not so wise....it really helps. lol. </p><p> </p><p>Hang in there - you and husband - he's a saint you know. You too. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 318000, member: 4964"] Nomad, After reading the above posts and going through much of the same, I can agree with much of that which had been said. As far as the therapist's comments? I would chalk it up to a frustrated person/human and accept the apology and go from there. in my humble opinion your husband had the right to be upset about her comments in front of your daughter. Whatever her reason was for saying what she did? What's done is done. Move on from here. I too was trying to think about how many moves she's had in the last couple of years. The messiness and the people /reasons she's allowed to live with her and the number of things you've done to help her (you being you and husband). What about the last suggestion I had of paying someone to come a few times a week to teach her life skills? Check up on her? And if she does good; reward her? If she does poorly the life skills teacher helps her? (while you're waiting for everything else to come to fruition?) I mean this keeps peace with HER in her current living situation - It would be as IF she had a caseworker - so really its almost like what husband whats, but ....not really butting in. IT's as close to a caseworker as you're going to get for now without the wait. It is someone that would be checking in with her/and the landlord so if things were going South? Nip it in the bud time. If she were to bring home strays? The "life skills person" would toss them out pronto. If the house is messy - Life skills person - says TODAY is house cleaning day. If there are jobs available - Life skills person says TODAY is job application day. If the job is available? Life skills person would take her to and from work 2-3 days a week? Kinda like an adult safety net/baby sitter that would send you and husband a report card/email once a week and let you LIVE YOUR LIFE...so that there is NO MORE I CAN NOT TAKE THIS....in YOUR house. Belive me if I could afford to put Dude in his own place? I would. If I coudl afford to have someone stand by him? I would. Someone who would be a good influence on him and make sure he clicked with that person and did the right thing. So that I would not worry. Think about how much you'd pay for peace..... I dunno - if you aren't ready to say - GET OUT ON THE STREETS...maybe for now this would do. Maybe it's a compromise that you can both live with and set a day/time and say if she blows THIS by XX day ////shes on her own and we have done EVERYTHING in our power ...and know that you really did do everything. Even hire a 21 year old a sitter. ??? I have no other idea....other than setting her out on her own and saying - When you get tired of life biting your butt - maybe you'll change. Sometimes WE as parents aren't ready to let that happen for whatever reason. If not? You have to ask yourselves- Is THIS an acceptable compromise or is THIS putting of the invevitable until I can deal with the inevitable...and am I just delaying what I know is going to be the inevitable future for my child in hopes that this one more thing would change her? I'm eternally hopeful, but I pray every day I'm not a doormat and for me? I've already buried one child this year - so I wasn't quite able to put Dude in the park like I thought I'd be able to. I'm not so sure he wouldnt' have been happier there than here....but at least I have hot water. lol. I hope you find something that works. I think the gals who have children who are older and who have been through the worst of the worst have given you some really solid advice. I actually see THEIR faces when I think about doing something not so wise....it really helps. lol. Hang in there - you and husband - he's a saint you know. You too. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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