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easy child always gets less attention
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<blockquote data-quote="eekysign" data-source="post: 221307" data-attributes="member: 6479"><p>I grew up the easy child with two older difficult child stepbrothers (schizophrenia, drug addiction, ADHD, bipolar, you name it). Make time for your easy child children. It may make life worse for a while, but to put it bluntly, you're a bad parent <em>to your easy child kids</em> if you repeatedly deny them your time. </p><p></p><p>difficult child kids take up a lot of time and energy. My little sister is one, too, and because I'm so much older than she is, I've been there for the whole ride. It's hard to leave them behind/say no when you know it could set them off badly---but when you have multiple kids, you just can't kowtow to the troubled ones every time. You know that, you're just worried about how we PCs take it. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>The happy thing I can tell you is that we easy child kids generally understand. If you explain clearly, repeatedly why exactly they are getting the poor deal in your family life, they really can handle it. It's better to have the whole family on your "team" in dealing with the difficult children anyway. If she's old enough to be running in a track meet, I'm sure she knows (at least deep down) what your difficult child is like, and although she may resent the situation, she understands what you have to do. </p><p></p><p>I didn't like that there was always screaming and yelling in my house. I didn't like them stealing from my piggy bank. I didn't like getting thrown across a room into the metal rails of my bed. I definitely didn't like the change in my parents as the difficult children went off the deep end for the 80 billionth time. I really hate that my stepdad never met his difficult child's daughter, his only grandchild, before he died, because the difficult child was in jail. </p><p></p><p>I think the only real advice I can give is just to keep an eye out. I survived my difficult child siblings by literally being the "perfect child". I never rebelled in my teen years, I never fought, got bad grades, complained....nothing. It <strong>wasn't</strong> to claim attention, or to be the "good daughter" so I'd be sure to be loved. My best friend had a difficult child older brother, and she says the same as I do, which is this: We were literal PCs because we could see how hard our parents had it, and we weren't willing to add to their burdens, even as a little kid.But don't let your kids go too far down that road. My friends and I have managed to get out of the "mustn't bother anyone with my problems" stage of life, but I know a lot of PCs that never do. </p><p></p><p>I don't want to say encourage your PCs to get mad, but.....well, encourage them to at least express their frustrations to you. And give them alone time with at LEAST one parent as much as possible. They'll need it. I don't know how else to say it. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="eekysign, post: 221307, member: 6479"] I grew up the easy child with two older difficult child stepbrothers (schizophrenia, drug addiction, ADHD, bipolar, you name it). Make time for your easy child children. It may make life worse for a while, but to put it bluntly, you're a bad parent [I]to your easy child kids[/I] if you repeatedly deny them your time. difficult child kids take up a lot of time and energy. My little sister is one, too, and because I'm so much older than she is, I've been there for the whole ride. It's hard to leave them behind/say no when you know it could set them off badly---but when you have multiple kids, you just can't kowtow to the troubled ones every time. You know that, you're just worried about how we PCs take it. :) The happy thing I can tell you is that we easy child kids generally understand. If you explain clearly, repeatedly why exactly they are getting the poor deal in your family life, they really can handle it. It's better to have the whole family on your "team" in dealing with the difficult children anyway. If she's old enough to be running in a track meet, I'm sure she knows (at least deep down) what your difficult child is like, and although she may resent the situation, she understands what you have to do. I didn't like that there was always screaming and yelling in my house. I didn't like them stealing from my piggy bank. I didn't like getting thrown across a room into the metal rails of my bed. I definitely didn't like the change in my parents as the difficult children went off the deep end for the 80 billionth time. I really hate that my stepdad never met his difficult child's daughter, his only grandchild, before he died, because the difficult child was in jail. I think the only real advice I can give is just to keep an eye out. I survived my difficult child siblings by literally being the "perfect child". I never rebelled in my teen years, I never fought, got bad grades, complained....nothing. It [B]wasn't[/B] to claim attention, or to be the "good daughter" so I'd be sure to be loved. My best friend had a difficult child older brother, and she says the same as I do, which is this: We were literal PCs because we could see how hard our parents had it, and we weren't willing to add to their burdens, even as a little kid.But don't let your kids go too far down that road. My friends and I have managed to get out of the "mustn't bother anyone with my problems" stage of life, but I know a lot of PCs that never do. I don't want to say encourage your PCs to get mad, but.....well, encourage them to at least express their frustrations to you. And give them alone time with at LEAST one parent as much as possible. They'll need it. I don't know how else to say it. :) [/QUOTE]
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