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easy child has "come out" and now I have some questions...
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 171061" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I have thought about this topic extensively, as my difficult child told me he was gay a couple of years ago. In addition, my sister was married ten years, and then decided she was bi, got divorced, and began a relationship with a woman. </p><p></p><p>I have thought a lot about whether as a single mom I contributed to my son being gay. One of my Christian moms thinks that it is an inappropriate relationship between mother and son that causes a child to become gay. After much thought, and research, I find that fact to be primarily false. There <em>may</em> be attributing, complicating factors along the way in childhood that could possibly mold a desire for one gender or another, specifically child abuse. But for a child to decide they like one gender or another just because I am a single mom, or because we are not the perfect parents, is not logical. I think most of this is hardwired.</p><p></p><p>Certainly in my sister's case - as Janet said - she could go either way. The love she felt was all about the essence and soul of that person, not the gender. Perhaps women are more able to see love more universally than men.</p><p></p><p>As far as a dad being a jack nut over homosexuality. Sadly that is exactly what happened with difficult children dad. Once he told his dad he was gay, his dad "said" he was fine with it - but would make stereotypical slanderous comments about men who were gay - or make judgments, and now........difficult child is silent. He will not talk to me or anyone about who he may interested in. It is sad. </p><p></p><p>Men seem to deal with this all so differently. My dad also claims that he has no issue with people that are gay - and yet he makes crummy little judgemental remarks all of the time about homosexuals. He continually brings up my sister being gay. Constantly. And now that she is dead, he talks about whether her lesbianism lifestyle caused her to become mentally unstable.</p><p></p><p>I think both my dad and difficult children dad believe in their heads that it is OK, but their upbringing and hearts are protesting what they logically believe.</p><p></p><p>As Moms, I think we intrinsically just want what is best for our children, and are able to allow that to supercede any biases we may have had.</p><p></p><p>To answer your question. No, you are not to blame.</p><p>However, in my opinion, husband's insecurity about this, could cause easy child to take what was simply experimentation, and fun, and make it into a lifelong drama, because now dad has tried to contain, condemn, and restrain her sexual being. It then makes her sexuality forbidden, dangerous, and rebellious, rather than being allowed to travel its normal course and pathway.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 171061, member: 3301"] I have thought about this topic extensively, as my difficult child told me he was gay a couple of years ago. In addition, my sister was married ten years, and then decided she was bi, got divorced, and began a relationship with a woman. I have thought a lot about whether as a single mom I contributed to my son being gay. One of my Christian moms thinks that it is an inappropriate relationship between mother and son that causes a child to become gay. After much thought, and research, I find that fact to be primarily false. There [I]may[/I] be attributing, complicating factors along the way in childhood that could possibly mold a desire for one gender or another, specifically child abuse. But for a child to decide they like one gender or another just because I am a single mom, or because we are not the perfect parents, is not logical. I think most of this is hardwired. Certainly in my sister's case - as Janet said - she could go either way. The love she felt was all about the essence and soul of that person, not the gender. Perhaps women are more able to see love more universally than men. As far as a dad being a jack nut over homosexuality. Sadly that is exactly what happened with difficult children dad. Once he told his dad he was gay, his dad "said" he was fine with it - but would make stereotypical slanderous comments about men who were gay - or make judgments, and now........difficult child is silent. He will not talk to me or anyone about who he may interested in. It is sad. Men seem to deal with this all so differently. My dad also claims that he has no issue with people that are gay - and yet he makes crummy little judgemental remarks all of the time about homosexuals. He continually brings up my sister being gay. Constantly. And now that she is dead, he talks about whether her lesbianism lifestyle caused her to become mentally unstable. I think both my dad and difficult children dad believe in their heads that it is OK, but their upbringing and hearts are protesting what they logically believe. As Moms, I think we intrinsically just want what is best for our children, and are able to allow that to supercede any biases we may have had. To answer your question. No, you are not to blame. However, in my opinion, husband's insecurity about this, could cause easy child to take what was simply experimentation, and fun, and make it into a lifelong drama, because now dad has tried to contain, condemn, and restrain her sexual being. It then makes her sexuality forbidden, dangerous, and rebellious, rather than being allowed to travel its normal course and pathway. [/QUOTE]
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easy child has "come out" and now I have some questions...
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