easy child is a difficult child afterall

[Jena]

i hope that everyone is well. I haven't been able to be in here due to my own overwhelming easy child is a difficult child afterall drama on a daily basis.

So, when did the physical and verbally aggressive behaviors begin? about 2 mos ago, she was nasty up till than and def a challenge as i'm sure many of you remember.

yet now she's punched holes in walls, hit her sister, threatened me, cursed me out repeatedly, doesn't listen to rules most of the time, cutting classes in school and failing 50% of classes and is now in fear of not graduating.

so, she was forced into therapy about a mos. ago, has now announced how she wont' go anymore, i brought in services in home to help me that has a little teeth to it, more so than i.

so, that's that. i've looked into wilderness schools, to get her out of here and away and away from her new destructive boyfriend who we strongly believe is the one who is teaching her that it's ok to be this way, he's probably the worst kid in the school.

yet right now i'm trying to get a loan for the school so far no luck. just thought i'd come in here say hi and see how everyone is and share my hell

 

[Jeppy]

I haven't been here in awhile either - also overwhelmed.

Hang in there and we are here to listen and support you.

Do you know the boyfriend's parents? Are they of any help?

 

[maril]

I am so sorry! You really have your hands full. Do you have crisis intervention services available?

 

[Andy]

Jen, I am so sorry! I hope you can find that loan soon.

I confronted my Diva on something last Friday. It set her off. She says she did not do what I asked her about. So, I asked if it wasn't true why put it into writing to all her "friends" to see? (Isn't internet just wonderful?) Her answer is that I am psychotic, conniving, and snoopy and she will no longer have anything to do with me.

That lasted until last night when she asked me for money to go out to eat. I told her "no, you are not talking to me." My Diva is also heading for a big fall and there is no way I can build enough pillows to soften the landing. I am afraid she will have to hit real hard to make the lesson count.

So frustrating and heartbreaking!

 

[TPaul]

Sounds like a major 16 year old hormone driven binge in my humble opinion. Our sweet easy child seem to become someone else completely during teenager hood,

I think that you are probably on the right path with the bad boyfriend causing a great deal of this to surface at the present.

Hope things can calm down soon and lots of strength and encouragement your way.

Tpaul

 

[Jena]

hi and thank you both. I do infact have intervention in, she's got private therapy and i also used some contacts from my last job and got services in that way. it's just the beginning steps though and unfortunately due to her age time is of the essence, being her next birthday she'll be 17! So, i dont' have time to go thru the channels, and to be honest i'm kinda screwed any out of home placement in my area svcks to be honest and i'd never send her, rape allegations and all against counselors. true nightmare.

so my only hope is that all this shoved in her face will make a difference and still awaiting the loan i applied for to get her out of here and into a wilderness program i like and located, got denied for first loan already...... must be the whole unemployed thing

did anyone know that in new york state hte laws have recently changed and now a kid can legally leave home at 16 years of age? and a parent can't do anything about it legally to try to get them back. only way is to go after parents of friends if that's where the kid has decided to run to.

crazy stuff.

 

[Jena]

yea i'm all about the raging hormones, nastiness, breaking curfew thing i did it lol! yet difference is when i start seeing holes in walls, when i'm getting cursed out, when difficult child is getting threatened and hit and my home is flipped upside down than it's officially toxic!

this boyfriend, i'd like to put him in a box and ship him off. yet she picked the perfect guy for how she is feeling right now. he's a mess, and defiant like you wouldnt' believe and ofcourse the parents are in major denial! Spoke to them, very nicely by the way and it was like talking to a door.

my kids' even made comments to her therapist stating i physically abuse her. lol. i wish! i told her you want dss at our door keep on going!

Andy, it's rough cause she's older. what would happen if you just told her ok i'm done move out?? i seriously would do that if mine was 18 at this point. i'm prepared to do alot of things i thought i never would.

yet i really am beginning to realize that there comes a time in which us as parents have to treat them as the people they have become, not the sweet innocent babies we brought home. it's def a growing experience on all ends i think.

 

[tiredmommy]

{{{Jena}}} & {{{Jeppy}}}

I always hope that things are going well when a member isn't around for awhile, I'm truly sorry that's not the case with either of you. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[svengandhi]

I am also on LI. My friend's daughter was out of control like that some years ago. She was sent by our SD to the Summit School in Westchester or Rockland, something like that. It's an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She is now in her mid-20's, a college grad, gainfully employed and one of the most delightful young people you could ever know. My kids idolize her but of course, they are much younger and don't know about her past.

At the very least, this could get her away from the boyfriend. I have to say that I was sort of glad my own daughter didn't get asked out too much in HS.

For short term, have you looked at Zucker-Hillside/LIJ. South Oaks is probably closer to you but if you can get into Zucker, it's the better facility, in my humble opinion.

 

[Jena]

i'm telling you i truly think sometimes getting them away from the negative stimuli is the ticket, and right now i'm her trigger and i'm also her targetboard. she has some valid issues that she's repressed for years yet not ok to act this way under any circumstances. i'm going to go look up this summit place. i'm having them do a full psychiatric on her also, we are drug testing as well. she has no diagnosis right now. at this piont though where she's at i'm sure they can diagnosis her with-odd, depresssion, explosive anger disorder........ yet that wont' all be true ofcourse.

no one can kill you like your own kids, i thought difficult child was rough to handle that was nothing compared to this. lol wow. she's ripped apart this family bit by bit with-her behaviors.

 

[KTMom91]

Boy, do I hear you on the ripping the family apart thing! Miss KT did/is doing that as we speak. I just do my best to let things ride, but it's not always possible.

Sending hugs to you.

 

[dadside]

If by “wilderness school” you mean something with a program lasting from about 4 weeks to perhaps 10-12 weeks or so, I think you would be wasting your money unless there was a long-term residential follow-up. If you mean a longer-term school, the rest of this paragraph may not apply. Wilderness programs (the 4 – 12 week things) can be outstanding and have turned many lives for the better. They offer high-impact experiences, but the benefit can be lost if the student returns directly to the “same old” environment. They really need time and support to solidify the change. Even then, there is no guarantee.


I know many different types of therapeutic residential schools. Some require a wilderness experience first, but some excellent ones do not. The financial difference can be substantial. Unfortunately, New York is home to only a couple of residential schools that seem like possible fits for the issues you describe. One is on Long Island, but “demand” for admission far exceeds space available there.


Finally, the issues you describe also seem ones that could call for an IEP and thus local school funding of a necessary placement. They certainly seem consistent with my experience. If there is no IEP in place, making the case the “right” way could take a couple of months to get one, but that could end the funding problem for you. If you do pursue this, be sure to get outside help – an education attorney or advocate.